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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22882990">Wrong Side of Heaven</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/VidalsQueen/pseuds/VidalsQueen'>VidalsQueen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mass Effect Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Female Character, Canon-Typical Violence, Explicit Sexual Content, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Past shenko, Slow Burn, past shep/jack, previous shenko, previous shep/jack</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:09:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>55,269</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22882990</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/VidalsQueen/pseuds/VidalsQueen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>** May 15, 2021, update. The writing process is coming a little slower than before, as I have taken the last year away for mental health reasons. But expect updates to the story on a bi-weekly basis until things begin to smooth out.</p><p>Altea Shepard has saved the galaxy twice now but that doesn't help when she's blown up an entire system, including the Batarian homeworld. Forced to turn herself over to the Alliance, she ends up confined to a jail cell, stripped of her rank and her ship with only James Vega to keep her company. </p><p>James didn't know what he was signing up for by becoming Altea Shepard's jailor. He had respected her, looked up to her for so long. But she isn't quite what he thought she was. The image the Alliance presented of her was always stoic, respectful and the girl he met the first day, anything but. </p><p>This story will follow Shepard's confinement, then move to in-game content.</p><p>**Will update on Sundays.<br/>*** Schedule may be off for a little while due to quarantine. It's messing with my brain and I do apologize.<br/></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Female Shepard/James Vega, Jack | Subject Zero &amp; Female Shepard, Kaidan Alenko &amp; Female Shepard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Alliance Turn Over</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“This is it,” Altea thought to herself as the Normandy drifted into the Alliance loading dock. Most of her crew had been dropped on Omega, with a promise from Aria that she would loan them shuttles and pilots to take them where they needed to go. Of course, with Aria, there was always a catch. She had negotiated the promise of a future favor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was an easy ask. As far as Altea knew, she’d be in solitary for the rest of her coming days. War hero turned war criminal in one smooth motion. Admiral Hackett had driven home the truth she would face upon her return. This was better than the alternative. Not that she wasn’t pissed that this would be her welcome. She had stopped the Reapers, but for how long? So, they didn’t make it through the relay they were aiming for. It would only be a matter of time before they found another. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It weighed heavily on her. Committing practical genocide for the sake of the galaxy wasn’t an easy choice. But what was she supposed to do? She had gone from two days to make a decision to two hours. If Hackett hadn’t sent her to find his friend, they’d be swarmed already. It came down to, die now or give the galaxy as much warning, as much hope as she could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Over the past few years, none of the choices she’d had to make came close to easy. First with Saren, then Ash, trying to convince the Council of a threat no one believed existed, working with Cerberus. The number of regrets she had seemed to pile up no matter how hard she tried to fix them. Destroying the Batarian’s homeworld and star system was just another thing to add to the shit pile her life had become.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A crowd had gathered on the docks and many armed and armored soldiers lined the bay pushing against the throng. Of course, there would be media coverage. She could see the light glinting off of a few camera lenses. This would be the story of the decade, Commander Shepard turns herself over to Alliance authorities. Not to mention the fact that she would be pulling into the station with a ship emblazoned with Cerberus paraphernalia. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You ready to face the music, Commander?” Jeff turned to her with an abject frown. He was an accessory to her crimes. He understood this well enough. But he wasn’t about to let the Normandy be piloted by some second-rate peon from Omega. He and EDI had already decided that turning themselves over, just as she was, would allow for a smoother transition into the right hands. In fact, all that was left on board were former Alliance. Engineer’s Donnelly and Daniels had decided the Normandy wouldn’t fly without them either. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As ready as I’ll ever be, I guess.” She shrugged her shoulders and sighed heavily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They could now make out the faces of some of the crowd and Shepard’s heart gave a little flutter when the dark-skinned Admiral came into view. She couldn’t help but feel his presence here would make her transition a little less painful. Anderson had always had her six. She couldn’t recall a recent memory that he wasn’t a part of and she hoped this boded well. Maybe it would mean that life in solitary wouldn’t be as lonely as she’d imagined. If he was there, he would surely be the point person for handling everything involving her case. He had the information she’d forwarded from Cerberus. He knew that even though her ship was painted in black and gold, her loyalty to the Alliance had never faltered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shepard, Joker and I have taken a few precautions. I have linked to your omni-tool on an undetectable channel. It will remain open as long as it is secure. I can give you updates on the progress of your case and inform you of any changes made to the Normandy and its crew.” EDI’s electronic voice came from the console in front of her. She almost reached out a hand to stroke the dash but felt silly when she realized that the voice wasn’t the ship but its AI. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>EDI was a true AI. She, at one time, had limitations set by Cerberus and she worried more and more that the Alliance would find her. It was Jeff’s idea to unshackle her. While Altea had agreed it was necessary at the time, it created an all-new problem. The Alliance would want her destroyed. Humans and AI didn’t mix. It was faux pas to even consider working with an AI. And she was a Cerberus creation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shepard, do not worry about me. Joker and I will see to it that no one is aware of what I am.” EDI could read her vital signs. It was an effective tool in the field but there had been a few times over the last few months that she’d wished the AI was a little less observant. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>As the clamps closed over the hull of the ship, Shepard made her way to the loading bay. She wanted the weight of her gun at her hip. She needed the assurance of her confining armor but she chose to leave them behind. They would remain with the ship in case she was able to leave with the Normandy again. And she wanted to look as harmless as possible. It should have been easy to do. She was small, though she had more muscle than most women she knew. She’d left her hair down, so it flowed in long brown locks around her shoulders. The tank and fatigues were also a strategic choice. But no matter how feminine, petite or pretty she tried to look, there was no denying who she was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doors opened and Altea stood with her hands in the air. Taking in the scene around her, she held her head high, strong and defiant. The datapad she needed to deliver tucked into the waistband of her fatigues. She didn’t want to give anyone an excuse to act rashly, thinking she was armed. She may be a Marine, but many times she’d played the role of Diplomat and she knew that people responded better when she put forth the effort to be less hostile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Commander Shepard, you are under arrest…” A soldier she didn’t recognize trained his firearm level with her chest. Altea turned to glare at the man and watched as he nearly shriveled in on himself. She could imagine that later, he may find his underwear a bit damp. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At ease,” Admiral Anderson stepped in cutting off the man’s words and pushing the barrel of his rifle to point at the floor. “The Commander is turning herself in. She knows her rights. She’s been a Marine longer than you’ve been alive, son.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t true, of course. She was only thirty-five, or thirty-seven, depending on who you asked. Being dead for two years was confusing for everyone. If Cerberus hadn’t found her and pieced her back together, she would have died at thirty-four. Then, she’d spent the next year using their resources for her own means, taking down the Collectors and doing her damndest to find more evidence of the coming Reaper invasion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Admiral Anderson, it’s good to see you.” She couldn’t help but smile, even if this greeting wasn’t ideal. If it had been any other time or place, she may have hugged the man. He wasn’t much for them, but he’d also never turned away from them either. It was Altea’s way and he’d grown accustomed to it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was then that she noticed a rather bulky Hispanic man flanking the Admiral. He was striking in appearance and stature. A wicked scar marred his otherwise handsome features. A tattoo crept up his neck and down his massive shoulder, peeking out from under his shirt-sleeve. His shoulders were wide but his waist was small and he had the look of a man who spent most of his life in the gym rather than in the field. Then she noticed that he was staring at her in a way she had seen too many times over the past year. Was she a ghost? A clone? People couldn’t wrap their minds around her sudden return. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Commander Shepard, Lieutenant Vega.” Anderson gestured to each of them in turn. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vega seemed to collect himself then. His mouth closed and his body took on a rigid military stance as he saluted. “Commander.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Lieutenant here will oversee your security detail. He has been assigned as your jailor and your liaison. Should you require anything, you need only to ask him. We will make this as painless as possible until your hearing.” The last was almost whispered as if he were trying to be discreet. It wouldn’t do for the media to catch wind that she would be treated differently than any other prisoner. Nor would it do her any favors for the brass to catch wind of the Admiral’s idea of confinement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Understood, Sir.” Finally, she was given liberty to stand at ease. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As her arms lowered, James approached. He looked nervous but this was his duty, his responsibility. He patted her down, careful to only let his hands linger where they needed to and as they reached her waist, he found the datapad and slipped it out of her pants. He handed the device to Anderson and stepped away allowing the soldier who had taken aim on her, to cuff her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>_____________</span>
</p><p>
  <span>James had seen the posters, watched the propaganda footage and seen the VI’s of Shepard a thousand times. His “Remember the Normandy” poster showed an outline of Shepard’s features and he had memorized them. But the white-washed, posed and dirt-covered pictures did nothing to prepare him for how beautiful Altea Shepard was. Her skin was not white, as he’d been led to believe but a tanned, satiny, olive. The thick lips, the beauty mark just under her nose and her knee-buckling gaze were on point though. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she had turned that gaze on him, he nearly lost all sense of himself. He watched as she scanned every inch of him, sizing him up it seemed, but for what? Then, as quickly as she’d noticed him, her attention shifted back to Admiral Anderson. He took a deep breath, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dios</span>
  </em>
  <span>. This was going to be a hard run. If he didn’t get his shit together now, how did he expect to survive the next few weeks or months? No one knew how long Shepard would be in holding.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Admiral introduced him. At least he had the ability to spring into the proper salute. That would save him a little embarrassment going forward. Then, he said the word liaison. It was true. That was what he had signed up for but until this very moment, he hadn’t thought much about it. This woman was his hero, the person he thought about when making crucial decisions. He couldn’t even recall how many times he’d thought to himself, “What would Shepard do?” Now, he was expected to see to her needs and ensure no harm came to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His nerves got the better of him once again, as he was to ensure the Commander was unarmed. This wasn’t the way he’d hoped to have his hands all over her but just feeling the heat of her irritation radiating off of her was almost too much. She vibrated with unleashed energy. He knew the feeling all too well. This was bull-shit and everyone here knew it. Or, at least the three people now standing on the platform knew it. Yet, Altea remained stoic. Her eyes burned with defiance but she didn’t let it get to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he found the datapad tucked into her waistband, he bit his lip. Per protocol, she could not reach in and pull the device out and that meant his fingers brushed against her slightly exposed skin. It also put his face level with her chest. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Meirde</span>
  </em>
  <span>, this was going to be the torture of the decade. He tried to be abrupt, tried to make the motion smooth and quick but his knuckles didn’t seem to want to let this feeling pass. However, she didn’t seem to notice the slip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the handcuffs closed around Shepard’s wrists, James’ jaw tightened. He fought the urge to punch the Sergeant and call him a complete idiot. This was Commander Shepard. This was the woman who had saved the Citadel, the Destiny Ascension and the entire damned Council. This was the woman who took the shit job assigned to her crew in the aftermath and watched her ship get blown to bits. This was the woman who took down the Collectors and stopped the human abductions. How the hell was he the only person in this god-damned place that seemed to remember all that? She was a fucking Spectre for Christ’s sake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anderson’s hand on his shoulder brought him back to the situation at hand. They needed to get Shepard out of here and they needed to do it fast. It was his turn to take charge. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Clear a path,” he called out over the throng. Soldiers pushed back at the crowd trying to give them passage but the media </span>
  <em>
    <span>pendejos</span>
  </em>
  <span> just wouldn’t give way. When the soldiers pushed, they pushed back. Questions volleyed the air around him. He could hear the words traitor, genocide, and are you really Commander Shepard but the rest was just a jumble of hurled insults. He couldn’t believe how quickly they would turn on her and it brought his blood to a boiling point. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was about to pull his gun from its holster and fire a warning shot when he caught a glimpse of red and sensed the anger pulsing from behind him. He turned and sure enough, one woman had been able to push past the throng. In all the times he’d remembered watching the Commander, he could only recall one incident of her losing her cool. It had aired on all public access networks. Shepard, the Bully Commander. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reacting just in time he stepped between the two women. With Shepard’s wrists tied behind her back, there wasn’t much chance of her being able to punch the woman again but he wouldn’t put it past her to just kick the woman back into the crowd. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shepard, let's get you out of here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and he took her arm. Throwing his weight around was easy and most moved out of his way in normal circumstances. Vega had trained his entire life and he was naturally big, even in his youth. But earn guns the size of basketballs and people tended not to mess with you. Add to this that he was holding the arm of one of the deadliest weapons anyone had ever seen and it held an intimidation factor that only the Reapers could match. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, they had made it through the mass of bodies between them and the entrance into Alliance HQ. Unfortunately, that meant that Admiral Anderson and the man who had cuffed Altea were still on the other side of the doors, trying to get through. He and Commander Shepard were alone. He attempted to look busy, queuing up his omnitool and making it look as if he were reading something important. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, Lieutenant, how’d you end up with this shit detail?” She leaned against the wall with her head cocked to the side. When she smirked, it made James’ knees feel slightly wobbly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… uhh.” He stroked his fingers through his Mohawk trying to find the right words. What was it Anderson had said? And should he repeat it? “I was recruited by Anderson. He found me and made me an offer. He said you’d need a strong ally as well as someone who could protect you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She laughed. It was throaty and deep, resonating off the walls of the small room. “I guess Anderson knew I’d get lonely.” She pushed away from the wall then and the heat that had been in her eyes from the moment he saw her shifted. The smirk grew into a devious smile.”He’s not pimping you out is he?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>James’ jaw nearly dropped to the floor. What did she just say? Was she serious? Was she flirting with him? Thoughts raced through his head. Moments ago he’d worried about his hands brushing up against places they shouldn’t and here she was with a sexy little grin asking him if he was to be her prostitute? What the hell had he got himself into? He’d been expecting that the image the Alliance gave of their hero was a watered-down version of who she really was but this? Maybe he was in over his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doors opened to allow Anderson and a few others through. He looked from Vega’s stunned face to Shepard’s now giggly facade and shook his head. “She’s already giving you a hard time, I see. Shepard, ease up on the new kid. He respects you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ahh, Admiral but will he still respect me in the morning?” She leaned into James and rubbed her head on his shoulder. Her hair tickled, raising gooseflesh on his arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was the first time he’d ever heard Admiral Anderson laugh. Shepard was making lewd jokes and he found it amusing? James tried to wrap his mind around hearing the two people he held in highest regard talking about him as if he were a sex object. What the holy hell was happening?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s the matter Lieutenant, can’t handle the heat?” There was a challenge in her eyes that begged to be met. He didn’t know if he should give in to it or not but the words left before he could stop them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Commander, I pack so much heat, I’d have you dripping in seconds."</span>
  <em>
    <span> Que mierdas dije? </span>
  </em>
  <span>His cheeks flushed with embarrassment. He knew he shouldn’t have. There was just something about the way she was looking at him that forced the words out of his mouth. But, as he held his ground, unwavering even as the chill of utter humiliation coursed through him, he saw the slow smile that crept across the Commander’s lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, Altea’s brow shot up in apparent intrigue. “Alright, Admiral, I approve. At least things won’t be boring.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Incarceration</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Altea has turned herself in. Handcuffed and unsure of what is to come, she tries to take inventory of her new home for the unforeseeable future. </p><p>James tries to cope with coming face-to-face with the real deal. He's finally met his hero but she's not quite what he expected. She's sassy, sexy and much more unbuttoned than the Paragon the Alliance presented. He hadn't realized that she would flirt with him, be so bold and assertive. But now, he's locked into spending the next few weeks, months in her presence while trying to hold himself together.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Altea was escorted through the main prison and into a lesser-known, lesser-used part of Alliance HQ. She had never seen this part of the facility. While the prison cells looked dank and dirty, these rooms seemed less so, almost... comfortable. She could see into the windows of a few of the empty cells, if a cell is what you would call them. They looked more like the tiniest apartments in existence and she thanked all the heavens one more time that Anderson was the one in charge of her stay. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is still a high-security area. Most of the people in these cells had the money to be transferred here. They are still on lockdown but are allowed certain,” Admiral Anderson seemed to search for the right word, “luxuries. I was able to convince Alliance brass to keep you here to keep a closer eye on you and to avoid any fallout that might occur in general lockup.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is all lovely, Admiral but you and I both know that by putting me in here, the Alliance is avoiding the real problem. That datapad should be all the evidence they need to know the Reapers are coming. Admiral Hackett refused to take that report - and don’t spread that around - but this needs to be seen. I stopped them but for how long? They will find another way and it is only a matter of time.” She looked to both the Admiral and the Lieutenant trying to elicit some kind of response from them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they did nothing but look at each other, Altea huffed. She knew she shouldn’t. She knew that at least the Admiral was on her side but it didn’t change the fact that she needed to make the rest of the galaxy understand. They had seen Sovereign. They had seen Saren’s indoctrination. They knew the reality of it all but they ignored it because, for two years, there was no one to remind them of what was coming. She was the only one who knew of Harbinger, she was the only one who had seen the vision given by the artifact. She could shout to the heavens her findings but who could vouch for her? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They approached a door midway from either exit down the long corridor. Anderson nodded to Vega. The burly man produced a key-card that had been secured in his pocket. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lieutenant Vega is the only person with access to this cell. He says who comes and who goes, so if you need anything, he’s your man.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Altea nodded. The doors slid open to reveal the same interior as the rooms they had passed along the way. It wasn’t much different than her quarters on the Normandy, except for the addition of a small kitchenette. There was a coffee maker - thank all the gods - a small hot plate with a single burner, a tiny fridge and sink and a small open cabinet stocked with a few plates, cups and other necessary kitchen utensils. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sofa was small, not the sectional she had on the Normandy and the bed was small, too. She could handle that. It wasn’t like she would be entertaining in this space. As long as she could have a place to relax, this wouldn’t be as horrible as she had originally imagined.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There are already some provisions here. Anderson saw to it that your favorite coffee, snacks and a few other foodstuffs that you prefer would be available when you arrived.” Vega opened another tiny cabinet to reveal said items.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anderson dismissed himself, leaving Shepard and Vega alone to get the basics covered. Altea could see that this made James incredibly nervous. She wondered why. She had thought she had broken the ice with him earlier but maybe she had been too crass. Most people weren’t prepared for her dirty humor. They only saw the face of the Alliance, the true paragon, as it were. Even Jack made fun of her at first, calling her a girl scout. She had only seen the pure, clean, military brat that everyone assumed she was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thoughts of Jack brought on another unconsidered worry. She had always had companionship and someone to see to her needs. Though both of them could admit that their relationship over the past year was more out of necessity than a true love for each other, they had been the best of friends. Jack had wanted to push her away but after Horizon, after the Cerberus facility going up in flames, even their hard exteriors were shattered and they both needed a shoulder to cry on. That it came with pure sexual satisfaction was a side bonus. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>James continued to talk, even though Altea had lost the trail of the conversation. “This button here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Lieutenant, my mind wandered.” She gave him a sheepish smile, not wanting to let him know </span>
  <em>
    <span>where</span>
  </em>
  <span> her mind had wandered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your privacy screen. It will black out the windows. Just press this button here and no one can see in. It will look, to you, like a mirror but you can choose to change it to an artificial landscape.” He pressed the button to show her how it worked, double-tapping it instead of holding it down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not modest, but good to know I can still have some sense of anonymity here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>James chuckled and cleared his throat. She could see he was trying to remain as composed as possible, even after their shared joke. He continued with his debriefing, “Now, is there anything you need? Would you like to make a list of people who are allowed to visit in the future?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She thought about that. Would they actually allow her to have visitors? Would any of the people she knew actually make the journey to Earth? “Well, my mother, of course. Jack, though, I doubt she will show up. Liara T’Soni. But really, I don’t imagine anyone will come looking for me. There is too much heat on all of them by association.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what is Jack’s last name, for the record?” James was entering all of the names into a datapad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Altea laughed. Did Jack have a last name? Even the Illusive Man had called her Subject-Zero. There wasn’t much information on the woman other than what Cerberus knew. Jack had opened up to her about what she’d done and who she was but being with Cerberus since she was a child, a name wouldn’t be anything to her except something to call her. She had no family ties, nowhere to look back on and call home.  “Just Jack. You’ll know her when you see her, full of attitude and covered in tattoos. Will probably flex her biotics to show she means business.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>James gave her a quizzical look but when no other information was forthcoming, he continued. “You might be surprised to find out that a previous associate of yours has already submitted a request to see you.” James flipped through the screens to find the name he was looking for. “A Major Kaidan Alenko.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Altea’s stomach lurched. Her lips pressed into a thin line as she fought the urge to curse. Was he serious? On Horizon, he’d hugged her, shared a moment of pure joy that they had found each other again, only to turn his back on her. Then, the letter… “I guess I don’t really know who either of us is anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” she stated vehemently. She did not want to have that confrontation in a confined space. She had so much she wanted, needed to say to Kaidan but this would not go down on his terms. He’d lost that privilege when he chose to treat her as something other than what she’d always been. Nothing about her had changed, except for a few cybernetic parts and if he was blind to that fact, then so be it. She’d moved on. Jack may not have been her girlfriend but she had helped her to see that she shouldn’t be treated that way. No one deserves that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>James was taken aback by the harsh look she turned on him and she tried to find that inner core of peace that she’d had too much practice utilizing over the last few years. “I’m sorry, but no. I don’t want to see him right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, Commander. Whatever you say.” James continued to side-eye her as he entered noted into the datapad. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I doubt you should still be calling me that, Lieutenant.” She knew that it wouldn’t take long before the Brass stripped her of her rank. She was a prisoner now. There was no turning back from the decisions she’d made and she would answer for all of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No offense, Commander but I doubt anyone with any sense is actually going to stop calling you Commander Shepard. We are aware that none of your decisions have been easy and I’ll be damned if I let some big-wig asshole demean anything you’ve done.” Again, James cleared his throat, realizing that if he really believed that then it was just as likely that he had spoken out of turn to a commanding officer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Altea didn’t mind. Those who had served under her could attest that she had no care for rank. Be respectful, yes but she preferred honesty to regulations. What was the point of a crew or advisors if all she did was bark out orders? She needed that balance in her life. She needed those people who weren’t afraid to check her at times. She wasn’t the woman she was just because she was willing to make the hard decisions. No, she was who she was because of the people she surrounded herself with. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now that she was settled and Vega had all his preliminary duties out of the way, Altea wanted nothing more than to sleep. She turned her back to the big man and lifted her arms, reminding him that she was still handcuffed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, sorry,” she heard him mutter something in Spanish but she didn’t understand it. It wasn’t that her translator didn’t work, it was just too muffled and came out almost like a growl. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the cuffs were released, she rubbed her wrists where the metal had been. It hadn’t hurt to have them on but she was happy that she was no longer confined, or as confined. Taking in a deep breath, she tried to convince herself that she was ready for this. Ready to be alone. For the first time in years, she would actually be able to sit still and relax.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She made her way to the couch and laid down, throwing one leg over the back and resting one foot on the floor. It was nice to sprawl out and stretch. Lifting her arms up over her head and her hips up a fraction, she could feel the pops in her joints, the pure stretch of her body. She closed her eyes and let the silence of the room fill her mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>James coughed, breaking her from her moment of peace. “I… uh…” He fidgeted with the datapad in his hand and when Altea opened her eyes, she saw that he was having a hard time not looking at her, as his eyes were scanning the room, looking anywhere but in her general direction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go ahead, get an eyeful. You might as well get comfortable with me. I warned you that I’m not modest.” Altea chuckled but laying on the couch reminded her that she was too tired to play with the Lieutenant. She closed her eyes again and it wasn’t long before she heard the beep of the door and James’ heavy footsteps exiting her chambers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>James had been left alone with the Commander, yet again. This time for much longer than the few moments it took to rattle him previously. He had kept his cool, doing his duty and showing her around her new quarters. Yet, when she had disappeared into her own head for a little while, it had allowed him time to really look at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was thin but muscular. Her hips were wide and her bottom curved just enough for him to wonder if it was the fatigues or if there was enough to grip and fill his large hands. He hadn’t had to shake the thought away because she wasn’t paying attention to him. Her absent thoughts had let his wander to their liking. But he, and she were thrown off of their musings by the mention of one name, Kaidan Alenko. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Who was he? Why was she so upset? Looking over his dossier, he could see that they were former crewmates but a lot of Alenko’s service record was sealed. He knew it probably had more to do with Shepard’s Spectre status than anything the Major had done, but still, why would she be so thrown by one man? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was about to congratulate himself on keeping his cool and not letting her presence get to him any further when she reminded him that she was cuffed. She hadn’t spoken to him but turned, tossing her hair to the side, exposing the muscles of her back as she flexed her arms and raised them. He should have been cursing himself for forgetting but all he could think about was how sexy it was to see her like that. He wanted to tug on the cuffs, pull her hair and press his body into hers. It would have been so easy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, when the cuffs were off and he was trying his damndest to think of anything else, she’d plopped ungracefully onto the couch and assumed a spread-eagle position. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dios</span>
  </em>
  <span>, did this woman have any idea how sexy she was? Her eyes fluttered as she then lifted her hips. He knew she was stretching and not putting on a show for him but it was hard not to watch those hips roll as if there was a body underneath her. He could just imagine sliding his palm underneath her and pulling her body into his.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mierde</span>
  </em>
  <span>, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Vega get it together</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He thought to himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her next words sealed the fact that he would not be able to stop her from getting under his skin. “Go ahead, Lieutenant, get an eyeful.” Essentially giving him permission to think of her as a sex object. But that wasn’t what she was. Even with all his lustful thoughts, she was still Commander Shepard. She was still the soldier he wanted to emulate. He had to respect her even if his body fought him on it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He left then, not wanting to escalate the stirrings in his mind. He was there to watch over her, to protect her. Admiral Anderson had wanted him there because he knew what the Commander was to him, that he would defend her at all costs, even if he was defending her from himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Queuing up his link to the Normandy, he was surprised to hear Steve Cortez’s voice responding, “What do you need, Lieutenant?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Esteban,” James chuckled. It had been too long since he’d heard his old friend's voice. “What are you doing on the Normandy?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Retrofitting the Cargo hold but man…” Cortez paused, “you have got to see this ship. I’ve never seen anything like it. If Admiral Anderson thought this ship was a piece of work before, he’s in for something special.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>James attempted to mask his irritation at the statement. Shepard had just landed and already they were ready to tear down her ship and hand it over to someone else. The Normandy was always supposed to have been overseen by the Admiral and James was aware that the newest plan was to have Anderson use it as a base of command going into the future but it didn’t change the fact that Vega thought all of this was wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Best man for the job, Esteban.” Steve’s knowledge of shuttles, ground support and maintenance would be just what Anderson would need to ensure they were well equipped before leaving Earth again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Vega. Anyway, what did you need?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right, hey, think you can swing me a favor and collect Shepard’s personal effects. Clothes, toothbrush, that sort of stuff?” He knew he shouldn’t be doing this, that he should go through the proper channels and use the credits given to him for her care to buy her all new things but he wanted to make sure she was comfortable. What better way than to have familiar things?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Commander Shepard has already collected the items she would need and placed them in a container in her quarters,” an electronic voice answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, EDI,” Cortez chuckled. “Yeah, and that was the Normandy’s VI. Can you believe it? Shepard had some real tricks up her sleeve.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They talked for a little while longer, catching up mostly, but James knew he needed to be there to accept the delivery of Shepard’s things. There was going to be a security check and he wanted to make sure that as much passed inspection as possible. Making his way through the security checkpoints, he found the Admiral. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have someone coming from the Normandy with Shepard’s things. I figure it’s one small comfort we can give her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anderson nodded, “Good. And how is she?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Locked up, Admiral. How would you be?” James felt comfortable enough with Anderson to not feel too guilty about the question but when the Admiral turned a sour look in his direction, he wondered if maybe he had spoken out of turn. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmmm.” The Admiral gave James a once over, assessing what he could from the Lieutenant’s demeanor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But how is she really? I know she puts on a strong front for me, but she isn’t quite the hardass everyone thinks she is. She has a tender heart. I just want to make sure she doesn’t fall apart during confinement.” Anderson leaned heavily against his desk and crossed his arms over his chest. “She’s going to need a friend to see her through this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sir,” James paused, not sure if he should mention her denial of the Major’s request but if it was companionship she needed… “I received a request from Major Kaidan Alenko. She has denied him access but if it is companionship she needs…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anderson cut him off just as quickly as Shepard had, “Best not to go there, Lieutenant.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, there was something to this Kaidan. He wasn’t just a former crewmate. </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Settling In</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Altea has turned herself over and is now ready to settle into her new way of life. Yet, there are things she has to get accustomed to. James catering to her every need is one of those things. </p><p>James gets to know Altea a little better.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After a brief but much-needed nap, Altea’s belly began protesting her lack of a proper lunch. She rummaged through the small cabinet finding that Admiral Anderson had indeed stocked it with some of her favorites. Opening up a can of tuna - she hoped there was mustard and relish in the little fridge - she set to making herself a sandwich. It wasn’t much but she hoped it would stop the rumbling long enough for her to make a proper dinner. As she searched the tiny fridge, she took the thought back. There was nothing in there that she could make a meal out of. There were eggs and milk, cheese but she couldn’t make a proper meal out of that. And if she were honest with herself, there was little she actually knew how to make. All her life, she’d eaten in Mess Halls, ordered take out or had someone else to do the cooking. Now, what was she supposed to do?</p><p>It struck her that this was probably an odd thing, a thirty-five-year-old woman who didn’t know any spices other than salt, pepper, and hot sauce. Growing up on Arcturus Station, there were plenty of opportunities to learn. She could have attended a cooking class, and one of her former roommates was an excellent cook, yet Altea was more interested in running combat simulations and improving her body. She knew how to cook pasta and she knew how to make scrambled eggs but a woman couldn’t live off scrambled eggs and mac-n-cheese forever. </p><p>Sighing, she realized she would have to contact Lieutenant Vega. Was she going to become more of a nuisance for him as she continually had to reach out for his assistance? It was obvious that the Lieutenant was built more for front-line grunt work than a desk job, so she wondered again, why was he assigned to this post? Not wanting to queue up her omnitool, in case EDIs secure line would be exposed, she pressed the button on the wall that allowed her a direct link. </p><p>“Vega,” James stated absently as his omnitool linked to her comm. He hadn’t even looked at the small holo on his arm and seemed to be rifling through a box, as far as Altea could tell. </p><p>“Hey, Lieutenant.” She tried to make the greeting friendly, smiling sweetly and cocking her head to the side. Maybe if she sucked up enough, she could convince him to order some real food instead of the sparse snacks that she currently had. </p><p>“Oh, Commander, I…” James stumbled over his words and began shuffling whatever had been in his hands. Finally, he looked up from whatever he had been doing and attempted to move it aside. “hang on.” </p><p>There was a pause for a moment as Altea waited for him to respond. She could hear him moving things around but her view quickly became the emblem emblazoned proudly across Vega’s large chest. It was a nice chest, she didn’t really mind the view. As he shifted, his pecs flexed. She thought she could watch James move all day. Normally, she wouldn’t go for the burly, over-sized in every way she could tell, type of guy but James was as sweet as he was cocky. He’d tried to look away from her earlier, tried to protect the modesty she didn’t possess. And he blushed when she’d made her crude remarks. </p><p>When he came back into view, he looked slightly flustered. “What can I do for you?”</p><p>She had to admit, she was curious. Apparently, he was doing something he didn’t want her to see but her stomach grumbled again reminding her of why she had placed the call. “So, the snacks here are great but I was wondering about dinner. Am I supposed to cook something because all I have are some eggs and a few canned goods?” </p><p>“I… guess I forgot to mention mealtimes.” He chuckled to himself and ran his fingers through his Mohawk. “I will be headed your way shortly with your dinner and a few personal effects that I was able to procure from the Normandy.”</p><p>So, he was to be her jailor, liaison and personal man-servant? “Oh, will you be delivering all of my meals then?”</p><p>“Yes, ma’am. Only person with access to your cell, remember?” He held up the card that was the key to her cell as a visual. </p><p> </p><p>Altea waited impatiently for the door to her cell to open after hanging up. She was hungry, yes, but just sitting alone in the confined space was already getting under her skin. She was used to action, to always being ready to move out. She was used to always having her squadmates around. People she could talk to and pass the time with. Hell, she wouldn’t even mind having Miranda around. As much as the girl liked to complain about her plight with her father, she was also decent company. At this point, she’d even welcome a visit from Jacob. </p><p> James had said that he was bringing some personal items from the Normandy and she hoped that included the box she had put together before they landed on Earth. There were a few books, her sweat-suit, underwear and other miscellaneous things that she didn’t want to ask the Lieutenant to fetch for her. But she’d been surprised to find they’d let her keep her tank and fatigues and hadn’t put her in one of those awful jumpsuits. Luxuries, Admiral Anderson had said. It didn’t feel luxurious. It felt minimal. She supposed there was still little to complain about. </p><p>The door gave a light beep and slid open. In one arm, James held the box and in the other a tray of food from the prison’s mess hall. It smelled good, at least. Hopefully, that boded well.</p><p>She stood from the couch and walked over to take the box from him. He shifted it away from her as if trying to assert that he was keeping it and telling her he wanted her to take the food. </p><p>“Eat and I will just sit this on your bed.” He handed her the food tray.</p><p>She took it without any fuss. She was hungry after-all and if he wanted to carry the heavy box, so be it. She sniffed the contents of the tray and her belly rumbled again. She didn’t know why she was so hungry. Yes, she had always had an appetite but she usually chalked that up to the fact that she was always moving. The more energy she expended, the more intake the body naturally required. But she’d been idle for a few days now. Her trip to Omega, the flight to Earth, and now sitting in her jail cell. </p><p>Placing the tray on the small coffee table, she turned to James. “Would you mind grabbing my blanket out of the box?” Even on the Normandy, Altea had a tendency to make herself a little nest to sit in. The blanket was part of that. Whether in her own room or on the Observation Deck, she’d get cozy and eat or drink in relative silence. It wasn’t that she was hiding, her crew knew where to find her, she just didn’t like her mealtimes being drowned in talk of the missions they had undergone or missions to come. Meals were a time to relax and talk about other things.</p><p>She had already poured herself a glass of sweet tea and she settled into the couch, then brought the tray to her lap. Examining the contents of each section, she wondered if any of it would be edible. She’d heard the stories of prison food and she hoped that the red loaf on her plate was meatloaf and not some nutrient brick. Alongside the loaf were mashed potatoes, stewed tomatoes and zucchini, and a small salad. </p><p>James flung the black blanket over her and gestured for her to lift the tray as he wrapped the corners around her. He gently tucked the corners around her body, as if tucking her in for a nap. </p><p>“Thanks,” she smiled sweetly, appreciative that she didn’t have to readjust. </p><p>Seeing Altea poke and prod her food, he felt the need to explain his choices. “I wasn’t sure what to get you. Usually, there are a few different options but I got what I knew was halfway edible.” </p><p>Altea shifted the tray to one hand and patted the sofa, telling James to sit with her. She wanted the company and she also wanted to get to know the person she was in lockdown with. It was her way, getting to know those she spent time with on more than a surface-level knowledge. He looked a little uncertain, at first, but complied without any protesting. </p><p>She took a bite of the potatoes and wasn’t prepared for the kick the gravy had. The surprise made her cough a bit but not enough to make a rather disgusting scene. “Well, I wasn’t prepared for that.”</p><p>James looked away sheepishly for a moment before confessing, “I added a little hot sauce to the gravy, otherwise it’s pretty damn bland.” </p><p>She took another bite, this time prepared for the added heat. “No, it’s actually pretty good,” she said around a mouthful of said potatoes. And it was. In fact, everything on her plate was to her liking. The meatloaf was moist and flavorful, even though it wasn’t her favorite thing to eat. The stewed tomatoes helped to mask the beef flavor and the salad, while simple was a good way to cut the fat of the herby loaf. She was surprised to find that this meal was actually very well balanced in flavor and texture. Not that she frequented many upscale restaurants or knew how to make foods complement one another herself, she appreciated that Vega seemed to have a keen knowledge of food. </p><p>“For future reference, I don’t like beef. This isn’t bad but I prefer fish over anything else.” Sushi was her favorite but fish of any kind would do. Unless it was bad fish, or cooked improperly. “And now that I’m thinking about it, I don’t know that I trust prison fish.” She made a face that caused James to chuckle and she couldn’t help thinking how handsome he looked with the slight blush to his cheeks and a grin on his lips. </p><p>“I also really like noodles of any kind.” This wasn’t Altea’s general form of small talk. Food wasn’t her favorite subject but as it stood, it was probably necessary to talk about, since he would be the one choosing and delivering what she’d be consuming. “There is a Ramen shop on the Citadel that is my favorite. Rice, pasta, breads, always good. I’m not too big on pastries, I’d rather have oatmeal. Anything spicy is also good.” She held up the tray with her now finished mashed potatoes. </p><p>“I will do my best, Commander and I will pick you up some of those dehydrated noodle packs next time I’m at the commissary.” James seemed to take her attempt at small talk as a laundry list of foods she’d like to see on her trays in the coming days. So she shifted to other subjects. Where did he grow up? What did he enjoy doing?</p><p>She finished up her dinner but continued to make small talk as she did so, not wanting Vega to leave. The sooner he left, the sooner she’d be alone and the sooner she’d have to face either wallowing in guilt and self-pity or the fact that her only companion for the foreseeable future was this twenty-eight-year-old Lieutenant. It wasn’t all bad, though. James was nice to look at. His voice was calm and soothing, deep. And the way he would be completely relaxed one moment and flustered the next was endearing. She was used to being intimidating. Yet, his nerves didn’t seem to be from any fear she could see.</p><p>“Relax, Vega. I won’t bite you… unless you ask me nicely.” She nudged the big man’s arm with her elbow. </p><p>“Ha! You bite me and you’ve started something you’d better be willing to finish.” This time there was no tale-tale blush, just a raised eyebrow and his lips pursed in a challenge. Was she softening him up? </p><p>Her smile widened. There was only one other person she’d met who’d go toe-to-toe with her and her dirty humor and she was far away now. She didn’t think she’d miss Jack as much as she did but as insane as the girl was, having someone to hold when she was lonely was completely underrated. What was she going to do when the feelings of loneliness and depression settled on her now? </p><p>Not wanting to pursue that line of thought, she stood, tray in hand and headed to the sink. </p><p>“Hey, I got that. They do clean up in the mess hall.” He held out his hand and Altea placed her tray in his open palm. </p><p>With nothing else to do, she went to the bed to unpack her things. James stood by, for what she didn’t know but she was thankful that he hadn’t yet taken his cue to leave. She pulled out each item and refolded the clothes to place in the small nightstand next to her bed. She could tell that someone had gone through her things and it occurred to her then, that was what James hadn’t wanted her to see. </p><p>“I’m missing a book, my dog-tags and my moisturizer.” </p><p>James fidgeted a bit but straightened his spine, taking on that military stance that told her he was delivering orders. “Anderson is holding your dog-tags until your hearing. The cream was an unknown substance and was confiscated but I can purchase you a new one that is sealed. And… I don’t know about the book. I can check my desk again and make sure it didn’t fall out.”</p><p>There was something suspicious about the way his eyes flitted to the side as he told her about the missing book but if he had it and was holding it for some reason, he could keep it… for now. She’d just question him about it again when she ran out of other things to read. </p><p>As James left, Altea changed into her sweats, grabbed her blanket and curled up with her latest vampire romance. It wasn’t a popular way of reading, the print on paper type of books, but she’d always preferred it to reading on her omnitool. And now, without extranet access, it would be the only way she could read. These books were also highly out of date but she didn’t mind that either, reading about the ways people lived one hundred years ago was just as exciting as the thrill of finding a person who could make your heart dance and your blood literally sing. </p><p> </p><p>James opened the top drawer of his desk. He didn’t know what had made him take the book but when he’d come across them, he couldn’t help his curiosity. Altea Shepard, Savior of the Citadel, read smutty vampire romance novels. That was what she had deemed important enough to stow away for safekeeping, to box up and ensure were brought to her in confinement. For some reason, he felt compelled to read the book to find out what intrigued her so much.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The Way You Are</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Altea is struggling with her confinement but trying to deal with it as best as she can. She is trying to act normal, be still and sedate but it just isn't her. The Reapers are always on her mind, as are her friends and family.</p><p>**Small editing note. I totally forgot to write in Altea's tattoo, so if you notice a change here, it is because I went back and made sure it was there.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>James thumbed through the book. Vampires, werewolves, and witches. And the setting… He didn’t know what to make of what he’d just read and he still didn’t know exactly why he’d taken it. Did he hope to find some kink that would give him a way into Shepard’s bed? Was he just curious and wanted to be closer to her by reading something she obviously enjoyed? He had to admit, he didn’t see the appeal. While there was plenty of action, the story was too soft for him. He would rather read an epic sci-fi or action-adventure story, if he read at all. It wasn’t his favorite way to pass the time. He’d rather be in the gym or running training simulations in the arena. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He supposed the same was probably true for Altea. He couldn’t imagine that she would often sit around reading. Where would she find the time? And she was supremely fit. That alone told him that she favored the gym almost as much as he did. Girls didn’t develop that kind of muscle unless they worked at it. He wondered if he could get her a pass for some training. He’d love to spar with her, see if there was a reason for all the hype. He’d heard many stories about her skills in hand-to-hand combat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He remembered watching a vid where she had taken down a ring of husks with just a blow to the head. One down, two down - bam, bam. It was a propaganda vid, so it was unlikely that the images and accounts were true and it was just as likely that the person throwing the punches was someone outfitted to look like Shepard and not the woman herself. He’d pay good money to see her in a real-life shakedown. To see her in action, that would be a thing of beauty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dropping by the commissary, he picked up the promised noodle packs and a few other items Shepard had requested. It was busy and he hoped it wouldn't take too long. He still hadn’t picked up any breakfast for her, yet. Then, he remembered she had mentioned oatmeal. Stepping out of line, he went back and grabbed a box. This would suffice and it would be better than showing up with whatever the mess hall had leftover. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bags in hand, he headed down the long hall to her room. He was about to raise the key card to the electronic lock when he heard music coming from the other side and a voice that was highly off-key. He pressed his ear to the door and, sure enough, Altea was singing. He didn’t recognize the music but it didn’t really matter. What mattered was, one, where was the music coming from and, two, what was she doing?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He opened the door to find a truly unexpected sight. He’d seen the short shorts in the box and the oversized tee. He knew this would probably be what she slept in but watching it cling and release as she swayed to the music, using a spatula to sing into as if it were a microphone, he had to gulp passed the lump in his throat. Then his eyes were drawn to another thing he never expected. There, peeking out from the leg of her shorts was a tattoo and a rather large one from what he could tell. Tendrils of ink swirled out from a cluster of petals. But that was all he could make out from this distance and due to the rest of it being covered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned to him and her smile faltered slightly as she noticed where he seemed to be looking before she shrugged and returned to her cooking and singing. She didn’t seem to care that she had been caught doing something other people would be embarrassed by. She was confident. He already knew that but seeing it at this moment gave him a sense of knowing something about her that most people weren’t privy to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Realizing she didn’t care that he was staring, he placed the bags on her coffee table and made his way over to her tiny kitchenette. She continued to sway and sing, bumping her hip into his as he approached. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mierda</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he thought as he saw the state of the eggs in the pan. “Uhh, Shepard, what are you doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled sweetly. “Making eggs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. You are burning eggs. Are you really going to eat that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stopped moving and followed his eyes. The eggs looked okay to her. This was how she always made them. Sure they came out a little crusty but at least they were real eggs and not the powdered substitute. “Why not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taking the spatula from Altea, James lifted the pan from the heat and dumped the eggs unceremoniously into the trash. “Because I can’t let you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” she squealed as he placed his hands on her hips and gently moved her to the side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled down a small bowl and grabbed the ingredients he needed from her fridge. Eggs, milk, cheese, and hot sauce. Cracking three eggs, he pulled a whisk from the drawer. He added a little milk and a little hot sauce, then some salt and pepper. When he was satisfied with the consistency, he turned the hot plate back on, this time to low, not high. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Slow and easy, otherwise they burn.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shepard watched as he gently stirred the eggs every few minutes and realized that her attempt at cooking was probably never going to be repeated. She was good at following directions but there was just something about cooking that always made her impatient. She tried to make things quicker and burned them or she just didn’t want to follow all the steps. She was a busy girl and time was always of the essence. Maybe one day she would learn, if the Reapers let them live long enough for her to actually make the attempt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any word on my hearing or the data I gave you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>James stopped stirring and leaned heavily against the counter. “No. It seems that the Alliance has no interest in court marshaling you. They are satisfied with you turning yourself and the Normandy over. And as far as I can tell, they are ignoring the Reaper threat, as usual.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Altea made her way to the couch and sat with her head in her hands. “Did they even read my report? I bought us time, nothing more. If they are going to ignore the Reapers and do nothing to prepare, why did I destroy the relay? What is the point if they wait until the Reapers are on our doorstep?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m with you, Commander. It’s like they want to ignore the fact that we’ve already had one attack the Citadel. I wasn’t there when Sovereign hit but there isn’t a person alive who hasn’t seen the footage.” He turned back to the eggs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was three years ago, James. They want to think it is over, a fluke. I’ve spoken with the Council. They think I am crazy. Working with Cerberus didn’t help their opinion of me. It didn’t help anyone’s opinion of me but the Illusive Man was the only one willing to take the fight to them. I had to do it.” Altea sighed and rested her head back on the couch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>James chuckled, “Commander, you are </span>
  <em>
    <span>loco</span>
  </em>
  <span>. There’s really no point in denying it. The things you have done… most people wouldn’t even dream of taking on. These </span>
  <em>
    <span>pendejo </span>
  </em>
  <span>politicians should be kissing your ass and thanking you for everything you’ve done but instead, they lock you up and call you a murderer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Altea’s eyes widened and she sat forward again, resting her elbows on her knees. “I suppose I am a murderer. I did kill over three-hundred-thousand people but when it came down to it, I knew I was saving more people than I was killing. I was trying to think of the bigger picture.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>James finished up the eggs, topping them with cheese and salsa and brought her plate to set it in front of her. “I know that. Anderson and Hackett know that. We are soldiers. We make hard choices. Politicians want to sit in their pretty offices and act like they make the hard decisions but it’s really us, the ones on the front lines.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A shadow passed over James’ features and Altea watched as a plague of emotions presented themselves. She could see the devastation, the hurt, and the anger and she understood it all too well. But just as quickly as it had appeared, it was gone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck, releasing whatever tension had built up inside him. “Yeah, well, I hope they come to their senses soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Altea ate her eggs in relative silence, muttering between mouthfuls that they were really good. It seemed that whatever was on Vega’s mind, he didn’t feel like sharing. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>After Lieutenant Vega left, Altea tried to relax. She picked up her book, read a few pages and sat it back down again. She had known that turning herself over would not be a pleasant experience but she’d been in confinement for a week and not a soul had asked her about the information she’d handed over. She knew that it would take time to go through her findings but she should be there. It would make explanations so much easier. They wouldn’t have to sift through everything and she could lead them in the right direction. They could start planning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Had they gone through her contacts? Did they speak with Joker, EDI… what were they doing with EDI? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Queuing up her secure link, she contacted the Normandy. “EDI, how’s it going on the Normandy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Commander,” Jeff responded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr. Moreau, how’d you end up back on the ship?” Altea chuckled. She should have known Joker would find a way to stay with ‘his’ ship. There was no way he was letting his baby out of his sight for too long. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jeff and I have been working under the ruse that I am a VI and will only respond to Jeff’s commands,” EDI stated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They spoke for a little while longer and EDI explained that most of the members on board were working to see the Normandy retrofitted for Admiral Anderson’s mobile command center. So, that was it. She’d been stripped of her title and her ship officially. She had hoped that speaking to EDI would lift her spirits but in the end, all she could feel was a heavy depression settling in. And to top it all off, Space Bob had gone missing. Her hamster was the only pet she’d ever owned and she took good care of him. Many nights, she’d be pouring over datapads as he climbed up the sleeve of her fatigues. She’d made sure to get him celery and carrots when she could find them and not just the hamster food that was readily available. In all the commotion, she didn’t think to ask about him or request that Vega bring him to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a few moments of self-pity, she couldn’t take it anymore. She didn’t need or want to be one of those girls who sat around and cried over the things they couldn’t have. It wouldn’t do her any good. What she needed to focus on was what she would say when her hearing came. She needed to ask the Admiral to make sure she was getting reports from Council space. News from Palaven, Tuchanka, Thessia and the rest of the homeworlds would be good, too. And maybe she could find a way to contact Aria. Omega was an information hub, even if it was corrupt but there wouldn’t be much going on that the Asari didn’t know about. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And she needed to know what had happened to her crew. Where was Jack? Had Garrus made contact with Palaven officials? Was Liara using her contacts to track down a way to help them in the coming war? Had Thane reunited with Kolyat? Was Tali able to convince the Quarians that going to war with the Geth was not the best option right now? And where was Legion? Jacob and Miranda had left Cerberus when she did, after her conversation with the Illusive Man. They agreed that wanting to take the Collector ship as a prize had pushed the envelope of what Cerberus was about. They could see the same mental decline that she had and were no longer willing to work for an organization that was quickly falling to corruption. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pushing those thoughts aside, she decided this would only be solved by remembering to place one foot in front of the other and keep moving. After a quick work out, she hopped into the shower and made a mental list of things she would need to push the envelope and make people see that the Reaper invasion was real and it was coming.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Think You Can Dance?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>As Altea's boredom begins to wear on her, James comes up with the perfect solution to help her out.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Weeks went by in mind-numbing monotony. Wake up, eat breakfast, talk to James, work out, eat lunch, talk to James, read, eat dinner, talk to James. Nothing was happening. There was no word on her hearing, no word from her friends and to top it all off, nothing was being done about the Reapers. She’d tried to convince James to pass along requests to Admiral Anderson but neither he nor the Admiral wanted to give the Alliance Brass reason to question her incarceration. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She did give thought to barreling through James on his way in the door. Running, escaping. It seemed like a good idea. That was until she was reminded every day just how large Vega was. The thought would be there, fresh and ready but then his frame filled the doorway and she had to toss the thought aside. It was likely she would just bounce right off of him. And he could sense it, her need to escape. He began watching her more closely, coming to her door less often. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was on one of those days that her prayers for release were finally answered. James came through the door with a grin on his face. “Think you can still dance, Lola?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took her a minute to register what he was asking but then her face lit up like a heavy ezzo burn. “Hell yes, Vega. I can dance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She popped up off of the couch with a giddiness coursing through her. They were going to spar. This was the kind of release she had been needing. On normal days, she had access to the gym, could hit the arena while they were on the Citadel. Hell, she could even find someone to scratch her itch for companionship. It wasn’t that James wasn’t great but he took regulations fairly seriously. And he was around ten years younger than her. She’d always said after twenty-five, did age matter? Yet, he hadn’t made a pass at her unless she prompted the dirty talk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It did make her miss the days where she could stroll around, bumping into a few people she knew and wandering off to wherever they happened to be staying. That night with Shiala. That was a good night. The green-skinned Asari was a wild one and the mind-meld mixed with her biotics could curl her toes in ways others couldn’t. Grizz was always down for some pre-game fun if he could get away from Aria. The grizzled Turian liked the rough and tumble and Altea never minded being tossed around in the throes of passion. The fact that the Asari had yet to call her out for her actions with him was still something Altea wondered about. Then there was Kaidan and after Kaidan, Jack. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As James led her through the corridor, Altea’s mind wandered to the man in front of her. He was big, strong and sexy as hell. She could imagine him tossing her around like Grizz, but she also thought that it was just as likely James would be a gentle giant. She’d tried her damndest to get a read on him, generally not in a sexual way but she wanted to know what made the Lieutenant tick.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They entered a room that seemed to be a relatively unused gym. Everything looked brand new. The weight benches weren’t rounded off in the usual places, showing the signs of wear. Everything was perfectly placed. There were no holes in the mats. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vega must have recognized her confusion. He ran his hand through his Mohawk as he gestured to the equipment in the room. “Yeah. We had to take certain precautions before we could have you out of your cell. This was set up by Anderson. It’s kinda yours. I can make sure you are allowed in here to train but we have to play under the radar a bit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Altea nodded as she looked around the room. She appreciated the thought. She didn’t want to get soft while she waited for the Reapers to show and it seemed, neither did Anderson. Eager to feel the blood pumping and her adrenaline spiking, Altea was quick to strip down to her sports bra and leggings. She wasted no time in preparing her body for taking the abuses she was about to allow. It would feel good to stretch out, release the pent up energy she had been holding at bay for weeks. Since destroying the relay, she’d seen very little action.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she stretched her muscles, she noticed James was watching her. She bent down, gripping her calves and pulled her quads into a deep stretch as her nose made contact with her shins. It was always an impressive move, more so now that she was in skin-tight leggings. Garrus had made a few comments about how flexible she was and she was always keen to show off. She knew she was giving Vega a nice view but she couldn’t help herself when someone chose to gawk. What was the harm in letting someone look?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a few more stretches, she turned back to the Lieutenant with a devious grin, “Alright, Vega, show me what you got.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>James removed his tee and Altea stopped bouncing on her toes for a moment to appreciate the sight. She knew that he was now putting on a show for her, just as she had a moment ago. If she gave, he reciprocated. That was the way it was with them. She watched as the muscles in his arms and back flexed and she felt that tale-tale twinge of desire trying to come to the surface. It wasn’t like she couldn’t tell the Lieutenant was fit. His shirts wore like a second skin but seeing all of his lovely tanned and tattooed flesh exposed sent a new thrill through her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn, Vega. You do pack some heat.” Altea’s lips quirked in a smile as James looked her way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gonna have to work harder than that if you want to make me blush.” He stretched, cracking his neck and working his massive arms to loosen them up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, he raised an eyebrow and smirked. There were times when James’ natural cockiness made Altea squirm. He wore it like a second skin when it emerged. Yet, around her, the nerves tended to override that side of himself. She felt that in the moments he let his guard down, she could see who Vega truly was and she had to admit, she liked it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Care to dance and talk?” Altea questioned. She’d had many conversations with him but up to this point, he hadn’t really told her anything real about himself. She was used to getting to know the people in her life on a deeper level. If he were a part of her crew, she would have already spoken to him about his career, his doubts, and fears. There was a method to that. She wanted to know who she was working with. She wanted her crew to be happy and she wanted to ensure she wasn’t placing people in situations they were uncomfortable with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not much we haven’t covered. You’re pretty much the only person I talk to these days.” James took his stance across from her, arms up in a protective shield.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They danced around each other, neither one of them wanting to throw the first punch. “I know about your Abuela’s cooking. I know about you leaving home for the Alliance but I want to know about that shadow that passes over your face every time I talk about the hard decisions.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There it was, that shadow. James held it close to the vest but this was the first time she’d come out and asked him about it. He squinted and his jaw flexed as he worked his neck in a slow circle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alright, Lola… Let’s do this.” He readied himself, arms up as he circled her, looking for a weak spot in her defenses and landed the first blow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Altea blocked it swiftly, and James smirked. It seemed he wasn’t prepared for how swiftly she moved. It wasn’t typical for people to underestimate her. She was used to people knowing her on sight and the general consensus was, ‘run’. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t let my good looks fool you, Vega. I’ve got my share of scars.” Altea swung a right hook followed by a left-handed jab but James blocked them as smoothly as she had his. That was surprising. Usually, men his size relied heavily on brute strength, focusing less on quick combat maneuvers and letting the hard hits speak for themselves. This was always a mistake because no matter how strong a person is, the human body can only take so much.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ha! You remind me of my old CO.” He bounced on his toes as the two of them continued to circle each other. It was good to see a genuine smile on the Lieutenant’s lips. So often he held back. She wasn’t sure why but when she’d made him laugh before, there was always a hint of regret on his face. Did he think joking with her was a bad thing?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah? And who was that?” She came in with an uppercut that should have landed Vega on his ass but the big man was quick and dodged out of the way just in time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Captain Toni. He was a hard-assed son of a bitch, but a good leader.” James dropped his hands for a moment as he seemed to think back. The shadow came to the surface, coloring his cheeks and tightening his thick lips. The veins in his neck bulged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It would have been an opening for the perfect jab but Altea wasn’t interested in trying to score the hit. She wanted the dance, the conversation. No sense in pissing him off further. She knew she wouldn’t appreciate a bloody nose. “Was?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Died - with most of my squad - protecting a civilian colony from a Collector attack.” His eyes darkened and his next jab came a little harder, quicker. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Altea dodged it easily enough but felt the gust his punch brought with it. “And the colony?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was either them…” His next punch landed on her shoulder.  “Or the intel we had on the Collectors - intel we could have used to destroy them. I chose the intel.” His punches were coming quicker, harder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Altea understood. This was the shadow, his dark moment. She’d had enough of them that she knew why he couldn’t contain the tension in his body or the fact that even though he was sparring with her, he wanted to land a hit. She didn’t mind. Altea could take it and she’d agreed to be his sparring partner. “Sorry, that’s a tough call.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>James huffed out a humorless laugh. “The best part was we didn’t really need the intel in the end…” He landed another blow to her ribs this time. “Because you were out saving the galaxy by taking out the entire Collector homeworld.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jab, block, jab, block, right-hook, block. Her arms would be sore after this.“You didn’t know. You can’t blame yourself, Vega.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who says I’m blaming myself?” He swung hard and wide and Altea landed her hit into his rib cage, causing James to buckle slightly. If she wanted, she could end this here and now but she knew he needed to vent. Whatever this was, he needed to release it and allow himself to let it go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just a guess.” Altea was starting to feel the adrenaline now, as she circled, her breathing became heavier, her blows harder. The more Vega pushed, the harder it was not to find an opening and strike. He was making it easy, getting emotional and taking wild swings but Altea was always calculating in battle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You a shrink, too?” He circled her, realizing he was losing ground and giving her the upper hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, but I’ve been in your shoes, Vega. We are the ones left with the hard decisions, remember? And you are angry but for some reason, not at me.” He’d pointed the finger in her direction moments before but didn’t accuse her of anything. She wondered if it was survivor’s guilt or something more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So?” He glared at her, his eyes hard as he gritted his teeth with a low snarl. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, maybe you need someone to blame. Maybe that person is you. But maybe, you should take it up with the Reapers. They are the real threat. You aren’t a bad person because you had to make a hard decision.” His anger now rested in his features, in his cocky movements. It was time to shut this line of thinking down. What good would he be to her, to the coming war if he couldn’t get out of his head?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or maybe I am mad at you.” He shook his head, knowing that wasn’t the truth, even as he said it. “Maybe I just want to see the end of this goddamn war!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shepard saw the heavy blow and knew she could use it to her advantage, dipping her shoulder and taking a hold of his, she flipped the big man onto the mat with the force he’d tried to throw at her. He sprawled flat onto his back, shocked to realize she’d just bested him, tossed him around like a rag-doll. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you are. But if you are half as good as I think you are…” She crouched down and lowered her hand to lift him from the ground. “I need you on my side.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took her hand and let her pull him to his feet. The shadow remained but it was lessened now. It seemed that just by talking about it, he’d released what he’d been feeling. Having someone else acknowledge that they understood what he’d gone through seemed to settle well on his shoulders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With that, their sparring session ended. Altea could still feel the adrenaline of a good match pumping through her. The last person to spar with her like that was long gone from her life. And even then, he was a cheat. He used his biotics when she outmatched him, which was always. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>James tossed her a gym towel and she used it to mop the sweat from her brow and her chest. Then she wrapped it around her neck and gathered the rest of her things. She didn’t bother putting her fatigues back on. It was the only pair she had and she’d rather not get them sweaty and gross. Laundry was once a week and she’d burned through what she was wearing already. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>James escorted her back to her room in silence. She didn’t mind as it gave her a moment to breathe. These were the last steps she’d take outside of her room for a few days and she wanted nothing more than to soak up what she could of life outside her four walls. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As they passed the large window down the hall from her room, she stopped to take in the scenery. Kaidan had always told her Vancouver was beautiful. It was true. Even with the sprawling metropolis just on the other side of the river, there were still lush gardens. Most of the homes on this site still had green lawns. She even spotted a small boy playing with a toy ship. Things looked so peaceful here. She knew it wouldn’t last but this was what she hoped to preserve, what she hoped could remain when this was all over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>James waited for her to have her moment, then stuck by her side the rest of the way to the door, telling her with his body, “no more detours.” He hadn’t put his shirt back on so she took the time to appreciate all that was on display. His tattoos stood out in stark relief against his smooth, yet scarred skin. There were lines she wanted to trace, marks she wanted to ask him about and she found herself reaching for him but quickly pulled her hand back before making contact. She didn’t want to be too forward with him. While others were used to her inability to keep her hands to herself, she was not quite there with James, yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Touch was one of the ways she communicated. Hugs were her favorite but a gentle caress on the arm, a hand on the small of a back, even sitting close to her friends, these were things she was used to doing. Her squad never really questioned it. Most were used to it. When she’d come back from the dead, Garrus had known it was her because she couldn’t help but hug him even though gunmen were pressing in on them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they reached the door to her cell, he reached into his pocket and pulled out the key to her room. She hesitated before going in, not wanting to abandon her freedom so quickly. This would be the time to bolt if she were still inclined, yet her mind was a bit more at ease than it had been. Her body felt good. The thrill of having spent the energy that had been building inside her was still fresh. And she really needed a shower. She could feel the bra beginning to stick to her skin and the leggings were developing cold spots where she’d sweat through them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, with a sigh, she stepped inside but his hand on her shoulder had her turning around to face him. He was close, too close. She could smell his sweat and the spicy scent of his deodorant. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stood with one arm on the doorframe, his body overshadowing hers. He grinned at her as if he knew exactly what he was doing by looming over her in such a way. “Thanks for the pep talk.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled, but this close, she couldn’t stop herself from looking at his lush lips. She could feel the heat of his sweaty body surrounding her. It was distracting. She fought the urge to bite her lip, not wanting to give James an idea where her thoughts were beginning to stray. “Anytime,” she chuckled nervously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.. and uhh, thanks for the dance, Lola.” There was a look in his eyes that she couldn’t decipher. Was it desire? Was it admiration? Whatever it was sent a thrill through her, touching her core and making her breath hitch in her throat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead of trying to puzzle out his thoughts and her own growing feelings toward him, she focused on the part that made the least sense. This was the third time he’d called her that and she didn’t even know why. “Lola, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You kinda look like a Lola.” He shrugged as if that were explanation enough and his eyes landed on her mouth. She was sure if she raised herself onto her tip-toes he’d close the distance but then where would they be? They would kiss and then what? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead, she decided she’d better diffuse the situation. No need to travel that path with someone you couldn’t escape from. She was so unsure of everything that was to come. So, she smirked and ran her finger over his chest in a playful yet, dismissive way. “You’re cute. So, I’ll let you get away with it, for now.” She whacked him with the end of her towel as she turned to go back into her cell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s it… now you made me blush.” His shoulders were shaking as he closed the door. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Sangria</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Altea is losing her patience. She can't believe that after months of confinement, she still hadn't been called in to deliver her report on the coming invasion. In a flash of anger, she takes her frustrations out on James. </p><p>James knew this day was coming. He actually can't believe it has taken Altea this long to snap but he'd hoped his companionship was helping. So, he devises a plan to lift her spirits</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Another few weeks went by and still, she hadn’t been called in for her hearing. She had to assume that, with her rank gone and the Normandy handed over, they were content to just let her sit in her cell until the heat died down from the Batarians. That wasn’t a pleasant thought. It wasn’t like she’d accidentally killed a few diplomats, no, she’d taken out their entire home system. She couldn’t say she regretted the choice but she was beginning to regret turning herself over to the Alliance. She had thought, and so had Admiral Hackett, that turning herself in would lead to her being able to give Earth the one up when the Reapers came.</p><p>She stared out her false window. It did mimic the view she had when walking to the gym but there was no life in it. Just a cold landscape with a false breeze. The stillness was a juxtaposition to the rage and idleness eating away at her. The Reapers were coming and not a soul cared. Her reports had fallen on deaf ears. Was the Illusive Man right in thinking Cerberus was the only group working to combat the coming invasion? Should she have stayed and done what he asked? </p><p>Her door beeped, but this time she didn’t even turn to see Vega walking through the door. He was a constant in her life now but she was growing weary of his presence. She liked him well enough but knowing where their conversations were going to go and knowing he wasn’t there to deliver any type of news from the outside world irritated her more than it should. She knew that her mood was souring by the day. She knew she was faking her way through being okay with being locked up but she was trying. She wanted so desperately to know she had done the right thing. </p><p>James sat his latest offering on her coffee table but when she made no effort to acknowledge him, he came up behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder. “You alright, Commander?”</p><p>“You shouldn’t call me that,” she spat the words, her teeth grinding together as she tried to contain her anger. </p><p>She hadn’t meant to be so harsh. She just couldn’t handle his weak platitudes. She needed to know that her efforts weren’t in vain and he couldn’t give her that. She sighed and turned away from him. She didn’t want him to see the hurt that rested in her eyes. Feeling devalued and taken advantage of was not something that rested well on her shoulders. She didn’t want to take it out on him. So, she went to make herself some coffee. It wasn’t what she wanted but maybe if she busied herself with the mundane, he’d go away. </p><p>“Hey, I didn’t mean anything by it.” His voice was soft, tender, as if he knew he’d touched a nerve. Making his way across the room, he stood close with this hip propped against the counter. “But really, you seem irritated.” </p><p>Tossing the used spoon into the sink with a hard clack, she turned to face him then. “Really? You think so? Why would I be irritated, James?” She tried to stop herself. This wasn’t like her. She was being overly sensitive and she was about to take it out on the one person she could currently rely on. “Is it because I am cooped up in here with nothing to do all day but talk to you? Or do you think maybe it’s because I should be out there trying to get people to understand what is coming?” </p><p>He held his hands up and took a step back. “I can leave.”</p><p>Taking a deep breath, she tried to find that calm center she always reached for in times like this but she just couldn’t seem to reach it. She growled her frustration and landed a punch in the wall that dented the plaster and made her hand ache. “I’m sorry, James. I am not mad at you. I just want out. I need something to do other than to sit here and wait. I can’t take this anymore.”</p><p>She plopped down on the couch and buried her face in her hands. This was getting her nowhere and she needed to be able to do something, anything to at least take her mind off of everything that wasn’t happening. She could almost feel the tears wanting to form in her eyes but she bit back the hurt. There was no need to make herself crazy thinking about what she needed to be doing.</p><p>“I do have some good news. It isn’t much but your friend Garrus has got people talking. He had the Turians set up defenses on one of Palaven’s moons. This encouraged Earth to do the same.” He shrugged, not sure if it was the type of thing she was hoping to hear. </p><p>“That’s good, I guess. But it won’t be enough.” She sighed heavily and rested her head against the back of the couch, massaging the ache behind her eyes. </p><p>“Well, I’ll leave you to your lunch. Sorry to bother you.” She watched James leave without another word. </p><p> </p><p>Altea felt bad after James had left. She didn’t want to turn her only… friend, she supposed that was what he was, against her. All she wanted was some action. At first, sparring and working out with James was enough. It let her burn off some of her pent up energy. Yet, she was beginning to feel the four walls of her cell creeping ever closer. </p><p>She’d tried reading, meditating. At moments when the overwhelming need to break free was at its worst, she called EDI. They would speak for a few minutes but Altea was always worried that if she kept the connection too long, she’d be found out. So far the ruse of her being a simple VI was going well but for how long? Surely someone was bound to notice that the ship could fix itself or that things would seem to be a problem one moment and less so the next.</p><p>There was no bath in the room, only a shower, so she couldn’t take a long soak in a warm tub of bubbles and essential oils. It was one way she had learned to relax over the years and it was costly. She would have to find an apartment to rent to even have access to an actual tub or visit the companions on the Citadel. That thought also reminded her that she couldn’t just call up one of her old lovers for a night of fun either. The overall tension in her body was becoming a palpable thing. Sex was a temporary fix but one she would welcome. </p><p>Staring at her bed, she considered taking a nap but today her mind wouldn’t even quiet long enough for her to sit still. Maybe if she had some toys, she could at least find a release that way but that was one thing she was unwilling to ask James to track down for her. She could only imagine his reaction. Eyeing the thick handle of her hairbrush, she considered it for a moment before letting out another growl of frustration. At this point, skin on skin contact would be the only way she would be able to fulfill that need. Anything else would just make it worse. </p><p>She paced the small interior of her room trying to come up with something, anything that would help before she drove herself insane. Maybe if she just laid down and tried to go through the steps of calming her body, she’d find some sense of solace. Breathe deeply, relax the mind, relax the muscles.</p><p> </p><p>James left feeling useless. He was supposed to be helping Shepard cope with her confinement. He had thought the gym was a good idea but apparently, that wasn’t enough. He really couldn’t blame her. If it were him in lock-up he would have been much angrier much sooner. The fact that it had been months and she had kept her cool this long was a testament to her temperament. It was why she was Commander Shepard. </p><p>Then, it dawned on him. She needed a sense of normalcy, something to do other than sit around her cell all day. He could set up something to take her mind off of where she was. He tried to imagine what that might look like for her. He wouldn’t be allowed to take her to the combat simulator, so that was off the list. Letting her leave at all posed a larger problem than he wanted to deal with. Maybe pushing through the request for Major Alenko to visit… he scratched that idea quickly. Admiral Anderson and Shepard had already told him it was a bad idea. But she needed a friend and she was obviously growing tired of him. </p><p>What would he do if one of his friends was confined? Thinking it over, he wasn’t sure. He’d never been in a position like this. And Altea was different. Whatever he did needed to be suited to making her feel better. Again, he racked his brain for something… anything. As he slid open the top drawer of his desk, it clicked. The book he had taken from her on that first day was still there, replaced once he finished reading it. </p><p>He spent the day trying to track down old vampire movies. There weren’t many places he could think of to get a download like that but he asked around and sure enough, there was a little niche shop that sold the oddities he was looking for. He remembered that the scenes from the book always had a gothic feel to them and so he purchased some black roses and candles to set the mood. He almost reconsidered them, thinking showing up at her door with flowers and candles might give her the wrong idea but he wanted her to have the best night she could. Surely she wouldn’t think he was trying to produce a date night.</p><p>His next stop would be the grocery store. He was a good cook and a homemade meal always lifted his spirits, so he hoped Altea would feel the same way. It had to be better than the prison food he delivered daily and he remembered his grandmother’s recipe for fish with wine sauce. Paired with some good bread and potatoes and he would be able to make an excellent meal. And if he was already planning to pick up some wine, he could make her some Sangria. It wouldn’t be the best in the world because he wouldn’t have time to let it sit overnight and it may be a little hard to bypass security protocols to get it to her. However, he was the one in charge of her security detail, who was going to argue with him? Anderson had already told him that she needed a friend and sometimes a friend did whatever they could to help the other out, even if it was getting that person a little tipsy so they could forget their problems for a little while.</p><p>Once he was home, he began throwing the meal and the Sangria together. He unwrapped the red snapper, plucked out a few olives, diced some onion and got the sauce started. Then he went through the few vid cards he had picked up wondering if he should take them all to her or if he should just pick one and save the rest for later. But this was about her, he should probably let her decide. </p><p>After everything was finished, the Sangria, fish, and potatoes, he boxed everything up and packed it all away ready for Shepard to enjoy. Again, he hoped that he wasn’t being too forward in offering her a night with dinner and a movie. It wasn’t like it was a date or anything. He just wanted to see her smile again, hear her laugh. He wanted to lift the weight he had seen on her shoulders that morning. She wasn’t herself and the fact that he recognized that almost immediately should have had him questioning just how close they were becoming. </p><p> </p><p>Altea checked her clock for what seemed like the fifth time. James was late. He was never late. Had she been too harsh with him earlier? Was he mad? Was he really going to not bring her any dinner because she had made an ass of herself? Again, she found herself on the couch massaging the ache from her eyes. This was getting harder by the day. Her mind seemed intent to wander to useless things or remain completely focused on the Reapers. There was no in-between. It made her anxious for a change. She needed to be out in the world, living, pursuing something that made her happy or at least made her feel useful.</p><p>When the door finally chimed. She stood, ready to apologize, “James, listen…” She paused for a moment seeing the bags in his hands. These weren’t grocery bags and that smell wasn’t something that came out of the mess hall. Her stomach grumbled as the pleasant odor of well-cooked fish assailed her nostrils. “What’s this?”</p><p>James shrugged as he sat the packages down on her empty coffee table. “You seemed really worked up earlier. I just wanted to do something nice to help you relax.” </p><p>Altea watched as James went to her tiny pantry and pulled out a plate, a mug, and some silverware. “You aren’t staying?”</p><p>James chuckled. “To be honest, I didn’t think you’d want me to.” He ran his fingers through his Mohawk and turned to face her. </p><p>“Yes, please. It smells delicious and I really would like the company.” She fidgeted with the hem of her tank top. “I was going to apologize for my earlier behavior but got distracted by your bags.” She gestured to the pile James had sat on her coffee table.</p><p>Altea didn’t know why but suddenly she felt embarrassed. Was it because she was an ass earlier or was it because as she took inventory of all he’d brought, she saw the flowers and the candles? It seemed that James had more on his mind than a simple dinner. Altea wouldn’t argue. She had been thinking earlier that a sexual release would be beneficial.</p><p>“Alright, Lola, I’ll stay… on one condition.” He poured something into a mug and handed it to her. “Drink up. Relax. Have some fun tonight.” </p><p>She sniffed the contents of the mug but it didn’t help her in deciphering what might be in it. Fruit pieces were floating in the glass but it had the strong smell of wine mixed with other things. “That was three conditions. What is this?” </p><p>James shook his head but grinned. “Sangria. It’s a specialty of my grandmother’s. It won’t be as good as when she makes it but it will be good enough.” He poured a little more into his cup and after taking a sip, he smiled, obviously pleased with himself. </p><p>She lifted the mug to her lips, slightly cautious, not only because she didn’t know what she was drinking but because of who was drinking with her and how it was being offered. There was no doubt she’d been curious about the Lieutenant. He was incredibly handsome and his body moved like a well-oiled machine. The sexual innuendos that colored their conversations didn’t help either.</p><p>Slowly, she gave in to her curiosity. Taking her first sip, she kept her eyes on James. He shifted nervously but didn’t back down from the look she was giving him. It forced her to hide a smile behind her mug. </p><p>The sangria was surprisingly delicious. Normally she wasn’t a fan of wine but while she could taste the wine, the peaches and apples that were floating in her glass seemed to make the drink sweet. “Not bad, Vega. What else you got?”</p><p>Altea helped James dole out the rest of the food and then he found another cup that could double as a vase for the flowers he’d picked up. He sat the candles on the coffee table and pulled a lighter from his back pocket to light them. In a regular cell, alarms would go off if a fire had been started but these cells were for whoever could pay for them and were allowed a few leniencies. </p><p>As she watched the flames, watched him place the flowers on the table and then take a cozy, comfortable seat next to her, her curiosity got the better of her. Was this a date? Had James planned to seduce her tonight? If so, why hadn’t he made a move before? Or was this his move? Show off his cooking skills, prove he knew what she liked in the way of romance, get her a little drunk and maybe she’d let her guard down? </p><p>“Okay, Vega, I have to ask. Black flowers and candles?” She gestured to the table.</p><p>“I… yeah… I guess I was going for a theme.” He pulled the vid cards from his pocket and handed them to her. </p><p>“What are…” She examined the cards to find there was indeed a theme. They were all vampire romance movies. The black roses, the candles, it all made sense. She knew exactly where he’d gotten the idea for all of this. Altea smirked. “You dirty little thief.”</p><p>James flushed a deep red. “Thief? What are…”</p><p>“You took my book didn’t you?” Altea was laughing. She couldn’t help herself. She’d always assumed it was Vega who’d “confiscated” her book but now it was obvious. </p><p> </p><p>“It may have fallen out and I may have forgotten to return it.” James couldn’t believe he was being put on the spot, but more surprising was that his plan was working. She was already laughing and smiling. He almost didn’t care that it was at his expense. Almost.</p><p>Handing her the plate he’d brought to the table he tried to make her think that he was embarrassed more than happy. “Eat your damn fish and shut up.”</p><p> </p><p>The meal was delicious. The fish was perfectly cooked, the wine was giving her a good little buzz. And James had been delightful. Altea hadn’t been so happy in a long time. All her life, she’d been military, moments like this were rare. She couldn’t even recall the last time someone had put so much effort into spending a night with her. With Kaidan, they were always on the ship. There wasn’t a whole lot of time for real romance. Their downtime had been precious and the weeks leading up to the original Normandy going down had been spent in her quarters as they drifted off into space chasing nothing. Altea wouldn’t call that romantic, just boredom.</p><p>After dinner, Altea took a moment to freshen up. She didn’t need to smell like fish if James planned on staying and she offered her mouth rinse to him so she wouldn’t have to smell it on him either. </p><p>After they had settled back in on the couch, Altea with her fuzzy blanket and James tucked into the corner of the couch, they chose which vid to watch. Not wanting to tip off James to EDI’s presence on her omnitool, she’d told him that they would have to use his as hers didn’t work well with the restrictions they’d put on it. He didn’t question it.</p><p>She selected one of her favorites, vampire bounty hunters, passionate love scenes and a lead that was so dreamy you would walk away with soaked panties just from hearing his voice. It might be a little risque given her current company but she was feeling feisty. The sangria was doing its job. </p><p>Taking her blanket and wrapping it around herself, she cuddled up to James so he could rest his arm on the couch. His other arm, he threw around her as the movie began to play. </p><p>Altea was content. Her belly was full, the wine was making her less tense and the touch of another was making her drift into a state of natural bliss. This was what she had been needing, true companionship. </p><p> </p><p>James held Altea and she snuggled into his shoulder. He could smell her hair, feel the rise and fall of her chest. Never did he think the night would turn out quite like this. She smiled up at him as he started the movie and less than fifteen minutes in, he wondered what he was getting himself into. </p><p>Passionate scenes played out on the screen. Lovers locked in a state of undress undulated against each other and James nearly squirmed in his seat. Altea just giggled as the scene played out and James couldn’t tell if she was happy or drunk. It could be a little of both. She was on her third glass of Sangria. He had been a bit more cautious with his intake, aware that alcohol could make him do stupid things. </p><p>The movie played on and Altea watched with intent. James loved watching her watch the movie more than the movie itself. She squirmed a few times herself but it was usually due to excitement rather than discomfort. There was a giddiness that began to bubble up inside her when the action took place and a heat that radiated from her when things grew erotic. </p><p>As the movie wound down, Altea began to drift off to sleep on his shoulder. He didn’t want to move her but he knew he couldn’t stay. He bent his head and whispered, “Lola.”</p><p>She stirred and looked up at him with sleepy eyes. “Hmmm.”</p><p>“You gotta get up.”</p><p>This earned him a grumble as she snuggled in closer. Then, her arm snaked around his middle in an effort to stay where she was. </p><p>James didn’t know what to do. Should he just carry her to the bed or should he give in and lay down on the couch with her? The latter was surely a bad idea. As content as she was right now, who knew what she would think come morning when the alcohol wore off. </p><p>Finally, he decided it was best to get her to bed. Shifting earned him another little growl but when he slid his arms underneath her, she wrapped her arms around his neck. He walked her over to the bed and tried to lay her down as gently as he could but she wouldn’t let go. </p><p>“Lola. You have to let go,” James chuckled. </p><p>“No,” she grumbled again.</p><p>Having no other choice, he lifted his knee onto the bed to relieve himself of her weight. It was then that her eyes opened. She stared up at him, his face inches from hers and James’ heart lept into his throat. She was so close and her breath smelled like peaches. It was more intoxicating than the wine. She must have seen his rising desire because she closed the distance between them and kissed him. </p><p>James couldn’t stop himself from giving in to the kiss and her tongue slid over his tasting like Sangria. But when her hands left his neck and reached for the hem of his shirt, he stopped her. He wasn’t sure if her actions were from a true desire for him or the alcohol and he didn’t want to give in to the moment to find she regretted her actions. He didn’t want her to ever think of him that way. He didn’t want to be just another notch on her belt and he didn’t want to give in to her loneliness only to be shoved aside when her stay with him was over.  </p><p>Taking her hands from his shirt, he placed them at her sides. She frowned but didn’t protest. “Good night, Lola.”</p><p>“Gnight,” she mumbled as she rolled over and wrapped her arms around her pillow.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. It Started with a Kiss</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Altea and James have shared a night together, that for anyone else would have been considered a great date. Dinner, wine and a movie that was right up her alley. However, it wasn't a date and after a little too much wine, Altea made a move on James, only to be shut down. </p><p>Both of them are a little confused about what happened. Altea, because she is feeling the sting of rejection and James because Altea has refused to speak of the incident.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Days went by and Altea never mentioned the kiss. James was beginning to wonder if she even remembered it. Sure, she’d been drunk but was she that far gone? Thoughts of her sweet tongue swirling around his kept him up at night. Yet, he still didn’t know if her desire that night was from the sangria, her loneliness or a true yearning to be with him and he was not brave enough to ask her about it. His presence may be intimidating but some things scared him. Altea Shepard was one of those things. He’d never been good at romance and love was always something that eluded him. He’d only really let his guard down once and that didn’t end well at all. Fel Prime haunted him in more ways than one. </p><p>But he was getting ahead of himself. Desire didn’t equal love. Desire didn’t always mean that the person in question wanted a relationship. Sometimes desire was just the body expressing its need for another. He knew that well enough. While he hadn’t been in a relationship since he was young, he knew the needs of his own body. He’d had his share of midnight rendezvous. </p><p>The idea of being with Altea was still something he couldn't wrap his mind around. No matter how hard he tried to picture it, there were just so many things he needed to consider. She was quite a bit older, a solider as well as him, a fucking legend in her own right and he was her jailer. He was supposed to have her best interest in mind and he was supposed to be ensuring no harm came to her.</p><p>She was Commander fucking Shepard. What was he thinking? But he had been getting to know her as a woman and not the legend, as a girl and not the hero in the posters. She was smart, sassy and a bit of an ass but in the best way. She never really complained, though she had much to complain about and she wore her heart on her sleeve. She wasn't reserved about anything and that was another thing that James found quite intimidating. She said what was on her mind, did what she wanted and had very little regrets, so why no mention of the kiss?</p><p>He received an answer to her thoughts on the subject during a sparring match. They had been going hard, pushing each other and he’d backed her into the wall. It was outside the regulation circle and he should have backed down but instead, he’d pinned her arms.</p><p>Finally, he had her close enough to follow through with kissing her again, to see if she would let him, now that there wasn’t alcohol involved. He could feel the gentle pulse in her wrists, smell the hint of sugar lingering on her lips from her morning oatmeal mixed with the cinnamon flavor of her toothpaste. </p><p>Her hazel eyes stared unblinkingly into his and for the first time, he saw uncertainty in them. She swallowed hard and bit her lip as he inched closer. Then, as he took a moment to try and decipher what she was thinking, she turned her head, casting her gaze at the floor. James didn’t know what to make of that. She was so eager before and as sure as he was that he’d seen a glimpse of hesitation, for a moment he knew he could see the fire lying just underneath. </p><p>When Altea then shifted on her feet, just short of trying to squirm out of his grasp, he released her. Now feeling her rejection keenly, he took a step back. The thought of her actions being a product of the alcohol he had delivered burned through his chest. </p><p>Had he really thought that Altea Shepard would want him? It was stupid. She was ten years older than him, had seen more of life than he was ever likely to. Why would she want him? Not to mention that she was the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. James didn’t think he was ugly but he knew he wasn’t everyone’s cup-o-tea. Most people saw him as a brash brute. Was that what he had shown her? He had thought the opposite true when he stopped her from doing something she most obviously would have regretted but maybe he was being foolish and that was the only way she would ever be with him.</p><p>Shaking his head, he decided to end their sparring session and hit the weights. Plugging headphones into his ears, he drowned out the outside world with heavy drum beats and guitar riffs. He used his pent up frustration to push his body harder than before. He needed the numbness that would set in when he left this room.</p><p>He intentionally focused on the free weights, as it was the section furthest away from Altea. He'd go to the bar when she finished her stretches but he couldn't take watching her body move in ways that evoked a burning lust inside of him right now. He needed to rid those thoughts from his mind. He had tried hard not to think of her that way but he was never successful. His thoughts always wandered to her ample ass, her perky breasts. He was a man after all and she was not modest. </p><p>As he was finishing up, Altea’s small hand gripped his forearm and he turned to see the uncertainty in her eyes again. That look made him want to toss the weight in his hand across the room. Generally, he wasn't a violent man but knowing he'd come so close to having her, only for her to reject him hurt.</p><p>“James, I am sorry.” Again Altea's gaze was cast to the floor and she chewed the fingertip of the thumb not resting on his arm.</p><p>He didn’t know what she was apologizing for. Was it for rejecting him or for her drunken kiss? Either way, it did nothing to calm his mind. He didn’t want her to apologize. He wanted her. If she didn’t want him, so be it but he didn’t want to be something that she was sorry for. He’d had the same thought as he’d tried to stop her from removing his shirt but he hadn’t stopped the kiss. He’d given into it. </p><p>She sighed and straddled the bench in front of him, facing him. Her fingers twisted together as she sat quietly for a minute as if collecting her thoughts. Then, her eyes met his and her trademark resolve was back. “When I kissed you, I wasn’t thinking. I hadn’t considered that may not be what you wanted. I was just so comfortable with you. You made my night. I…” she paused, unsure of what to say next. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>James was completely dumbfounded. Did she think that because he didn’t want to stay, he had rejected her? This was not what he expected. If she wanted him, why had she turned away earlier? But it dawned on him that she was nervous. She had been the one who had felt rejected and she didn’t want to be rejected again. </p><p>When he said nothing, she stood, sighing. He wanted to reach out and tell her that she was wrong, that he wanted her more than he knew was possible but how was he supposed to tell her that? The words wouldn’t even start to form in his mouth. He was completely paralyzed. Watching her gather her things, he tried to think of what to say. </p><p> </p><p>Standing at the door, waiting for James to escort her back to her room, Altea began to fidget with her omnitool. She considered calling EDI and telling her to open the door so she could escape the uncomfortable silence that had fallen since her confession to James. She had hoped that he wouldn’t ask about the kiss. She wanted to forget that it had happened. Yes, she was lonely and James was convenient but he was sweet and so damn sexy. She hadn’t thought of the consequences of her actions when she’d pulled him in for the kiss. She only knew she wanted him. </p><p>She knew she should have considered his position. He was her jailor. It wasn’t like they were friends. He was just fulfilling his duties by seeing to her needs. She’d thought about her actions for days and when James failed to mention the kiss, she could only assume that he wanted to forget about it. She knew the drill. She made a move, he reciprocated. He had kissed her back though. That was something, or she thought it was something. </p><p>Their sparring match had grown heated and when he pinned her against the wall, she was sure he would kiss her. There was a heat in his eyes that said he would but then he just stood there, towering over her. She never really felt intimidated but she didn’t want to make the same mistake twice. Finally, she couldn’t take the uncertainty anymore and turned away from him. </p><p>He released her and she felt the heat in him turn to something akin to anger, maybe frustration. That confused her even more. Why was he mad? </p><p>Then, she apologized because it was the only thing she could think to do and he sat there like a bump on a log. He was giving her nothing. There was no acknowledgment of her mistake, no shared embarrassment, nothing. That was worse than knowing she’d made a mistake. She needed his companionship. It was the only thing keeping her sane. </p><p>She heard his footsteps coming up behind her and she closed her eyes, preparing for him to open the door but not wanting to see the anger in his face. She was too confused about her own feelings to try and riddle out what was going on between them. She wanted him to remain cordial but she was sure she had ruined that for herself. </p><p>She felt his body looming behind her, waiting, but for what she didn’t know. All he had to do was lift the key card to the lock on the door and let them out but he wasn’t doing that. She tried to step to the side to give him full access but his hands found her shoulders and spun her around. Again, his frame surrounded her, engulfing her. Looking into her eyes, he brushed a piece of hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear. </p><p>She tried to look away again, still so uncertain but James’ fingers lifted her chin forcing her to look at him. There was something new in his deep brown eyes, a sparkle that spoke volumes and he smirked before leaning in and closing the distance between them. </p><p>His lips were tender, soft and his hand slipped around to cup her neck as he pulled her closer, deepening the kiss. Tentatively, his tongue slipped across hers and she opened for him. She felt an answering growl rumble in his chest as her hands lifted to stroke over his muscular body. He pressed her harder into the door, letting his own hands explore her waist but too soon, he broke the kiss. </p><p>“We’d better head back before someone notices you are missing.” He was breathless, his words seemingly opposed to what his body wanted. </p><p>Altea nodded. It wasn’t what she wanted either but she could only imagine what would happen if it got out that she wasn’t in her cell. So far they had been lucky, timing her small escapes when no one was likely to notice but they were on a time crunch. Usually, an hour at best and they would have to head back. It was between shifts and at a time where the halls were nearly empty. Some people were privy to the knowledge that she would sneak out to work out because the guards always seemed to be the same at this time of day and they nodded to the pair as they made their way down the hall. </p><p>James opened the door then and they walked closely as they made their way back to Altea’s cell. Usually, James would say goodbye at the door and let Altea go in alone but this time, he entered the room with her. As the door shut, he kissed her one more time before turning to leave. </p><p> </p><p>James met up with Cortez for lunch. It had been too long since he’d been able to sit and talk to anyone other than Altea and he needed to get out of his head. He still couldn’t wrap his mind around what had happened earlier that day. He had ensured earlier that Altea had some of the soup he’d made the previous night for her lunch and he felt they both needed some time apart to consider what was going on between them. </p><p>Cortez had mentioned that a new ramen shop had opened up not too far from HQ and they decided that was as good a place as any. He wished he could spring Altea and bring her. He knew she’d love to get out and that she would love the food. It made him smile thinking about actually being able to take her out in public and the smile caught Cortez’s attention.</p><p>“So, how’s life, guarding the Commander? Cake job?” Cortez asked over a mouthful of noodles. </p><p>James chuckled and could feel the tale-tell blush creeping into his cheeks. “Naw, man. It’s good.” Using his chopsticks, he moved the noodles around the bowl, focusing on them rather than the man across from him. The silence didn’t last long though, as James could feel Cortez’s eyes burning a hole in his forehead. </p><p>Looking up, James noticed Cortez eyeing him suspiciously. Then, the man chuckled and shook his head. “Oh Lord, you are still crushing on her aren’t you? Look, man, it’s been months now. Either tell her or…”</p><p>At James’ raised eyebrow, he paused. “Oh shit! You told her. The fuck man. How did that go?”</p><p>Steve Cortez had always given him shit about his obsession with Altea. Every time he saw the poster in his room or the patch on his arm, he couldn’t help but say things like, “I guess I can see the appeal,” or “You only like her because she’s as badass as you think you are.” But it was more than that. He respected her, wanted to be like her and Cortez knew that, too. </p><p>He told Cortez about what he had done the night Altea kissed him. The flowers, the candles, all of it. How she had snuggled into him while they watched the movie and about her consumption of sangria. </p><p>“Dude, you got her drunk?” Cortez shook his head and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He obviously didn’t approve of how this story was going. Of course, he also knew that James wasn’t at his best when he was inebriated.</p><p>“Not on purpose, or well, not for that purpose.” James stroked his hands over his face, trying to keep his cool and not sound like some mooning school girl with a crush. “She was stressed and I was trying to make her feel better. I wasn’t drinking that much, so I didn’t see the harm.” He shrugged, remembering how she got so cozy next to him after the first two glasses. Maybe he should have said goodnight then. It probably would have been better going forward to not have this unknown thing hanging above them. Hell, he’d left her with a kiss earlier and not much else. </p><p>“Uh-hu and then she drunkenly planted one on you?” It seemed that Cortez knew this was where the story was going. Maybe he could already tell by the way James was acting.</p><p>“She almost fell asleep, so I carried her to her bed. When I tried to pull away, she kissed me.”</p><p>Cortez’s eyebrows rose and he nearly spits his noodles out of his mouth. “You’re joking. Commander Shepard kissed you?” He lifted his hand to cover his mouth in mock surprise. </p><p>James couldn’t fault Cortez’s reaction. He harbored a crush for so long that the idea still seemed a bit fantastical for him to believe. So he shrugged it off, wanting to move on to something a little less embarrassing. “How are the retrofits for the Normandy coming along?”</p><p>“Nope. No changing the subject. What happened?”  He gestured for him to continue, forgetting that he had a strand of noodles on his chopsticks, creating little splatters of soup all over the table. </p><p>“Esteban, do you really want the sordid details?” He couldn’t say that it was a good idea to let Cortez think he’d gone further with Altea than he had but he felt silly being so sprung over one kiss.</p><p>Cortez laughed. “Hey, just because I am gay doesn’t mean I don’t love, love, bro.” </p><p>James couldn’t help but laugh at that. It was good to hear Cortez talk about love at all after what happened to his husband, so he supposed he should give in if only to give his friend something good to cheer for. “Really, it was just a kiss, or two… Okay, so three.” </p><p>He told Steve about the drunken kiss and how he had stopped her from going any further, to which he agreed it was probably best not to have a drunken fling with the Commander. Then, he told him about the mishap during their sparring session. </p><p>“You guys are idiots,” Cortez laughed. “Pining over each other and didn’t even know it. How do you miss something like that?”</p><p>“Stuff it, Esteban. It’s Commander Shepard. I didn’t want to be wrong.” James couldn’t help but laugh. He had been an idiot. He should have just kissed her when he wanted to. It would have saved them both a lot of hurt. Yet, he wouldn’t take it back. Being the one to remind Altea that she was desirable was a joy all on its own. The look she had on her face as he’d pulled away was worth having the pain of him thinking she had rejected him. </p><p>Just then, his omnitool beeped. He looked to Cortez who grinned when he realized who it likely was. </p><p>“Hey, Lola,” he answered.</p><p>Again, he caught the look Cortez shot his way.  He tried to cover his grin by stuffing his face full of noodles.</p><p>“Hey! Not fair! Where’s mine?” Altea crossed her arms over her chest in mock frustration. </p><p>Forgetting that he was eating one of her favorite foods right in front of her, he pushed it aside. “Sorry, Lola. I’ll bring you some tomorrow. Just decided to meet a friend for lunch.” </p><p>“Oh,” Altea frowned slightly, “Okay but bring me some noodles. I’ll let you go.”</p><p>“Tomorrow, you impatient girl.” James chuckled as Altea made a face, sticking her tongue out at him and ending their connection. </p><p>Cortez hid his smile behind steepled fingers but couldn’t help asking, “Lola?”</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Knowns and Unknowns</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Altea and James have found their groove but they are still unsure about how to proceed in their relationship. Is this something that can last? Should they even attempt to be together? What does the future look like for them? There are so many unknowns and the one thing they are sure of, the Reapers are coming.</p>
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    <p>Altea Shepard was an expert marksman, rarely did she miss a target. Her aim was always true and steady. Garrus may be the only person who could outshoot her and even then, it would be a close match. But you wouldn’t know that by the mess that surrounded her. For the last thirty minutes, she’d missed every single time. M&amp;M’s littered the area. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t seem to find the center of her target. Was she that out of practice? It had only been a few months. Surely, she should be able to do this, right?</p><p>“Come on, Lola. You’re overthinking it. Don’t try so hard.” James opened his mouth, ready to give Altea another shot. </p><p>Taking a deep breath, she tried to relax. If she was overthinking it, she needed to clear her mind and let her muscles loosen up. Rolling her head and stretching her arms, she let out a slow exhale. Then, she tried shifting on the couch and pushing her blanket down so it didn’t hinder her movements. When she felt loose enough to focus, she lifted the candy and tried again. This time it clinked on James’ tooth before bouncing off and rolling to join its buddies on the floor. She frowned, growing sullen in her failure.</p><p>James chuckled and held up another piece of candy. She opened her mouth and he expertly sailed the candy to land on her tongue. “Why am I so bad at this,” she asked as she crunched the small bead of chocolate and peanut. </p><p>“We all have our strengths. Mine just happens to be useless party tricks.” James shrugged. </p><p>“I’m sure you have other strengths, Lieutenant Vega.” Altea wiggled her eyebrows and winked. </p><p>“You think so?” James tugged on Altea’s arm pulling her onto his lap. She squealed and giggled as he got her situated where he wanted her. His hands remained on her hips for a moment before sliding down to slowly caress her thighs. </p><p>Altea couldn’t help but smile. The two of them had settled into an almost domestic routine. They hadn’t pushed their relationship past stolen kisses and flirting like their lives depended on it but she was happy. She couldn’t recall the last time she had felt so comfortable with another person. With Kaidan, there was the overriding factor that she was his commanding officer. There was a breach of protocol and the fact that they were both unsure where their relationship could go. And Jack, while she still had feelings for Jack, they both knew that their lives would always be going in different directions. They had accepted that fact and they had mutually agreed that their union would be more about what they needed then, rather than anything long term. A suicide mission lent to what they were willing to accept for themselves at that moment. </p><p>James was something different, a true unknown. What would happen when she was no longer incarcerated? Would she be reinstated? If not, would James want to be with her if she stayed on Earth?</p><p>Running her fingers through James’ Mohawk, she rested her head on his shoulder and sighed. She had never thought about leaving her life in the military before and the fact that it didn’t sound like such a horrible idea was a little overwhelming. </p><p>“What’s on your mind, Lola?” He stroked his large hand down her back and rested it on her hip.</p><p>She shook her head, not wanting to ruin the peace he instilled in her. But then he kissed her forehead and lifted her chin so she would be forced to look at him. </p><p>“Have you ever been in love?” What made the question blurt out of her mouth, she wasn’t sure of. It hadn’t been what she meant to say. She was considering what he meant to her, that was all. Yet, she knew that there was something she was missing in how he reacted to her. She looked into James’ eyes as she asked the question and she didn’t know what she expected but she could see there was some hurt there. She sat up a little straighter but didn’t remove herself from his lap. </p><p>“Maybe, I don’t know.” He bit his lip and fidgeted with the hem of her shorts, running his fingers over the tattooed vines. It had become a habit of his, as she sat in his lap or sat close enough he could reach her. He hadn’t seen the full tattoo, yet. But it apparently intrigued him. “Why?”</p><p>Altea was almost distracted by the small act enough to forget she’d even asked the question but her natural curiosity won out over her desire. And she still wasn’t sure what they were to each other. Usually, at this point in her past relationships, there was some talk of boundaries or terms. Or there was sex. But none of that had happened with James. It was like they were dating but also like they were roommates or best friends who didn’t know they shouldn’t be kissing each other. </p><p>“You don’t know?” She continued to run her fingers through his hair, making small circles with her fingertips. She liked the feel of his freshly buzzed head. He always kept it longer on top but the sides were trimmed monthly to keep it high and tight as any Marine should wear their hair. </p><p>“I thought, maybe…” he paused and Altea could see there was something he was struggling with. He shifted uncomfortably underneath her but when she moved to get up, he held onto her. It was almost as if he needed her to anchor him as the words left his lips. “On Fel Prime. I never got the chance to tell her how I felt about her.”</p><p>Ahhh, the place that caused the shadow to pass over his features. It was obvious he didn’t want to go into the details so she decided she’d leave it alone. She didn’t care about his past relationships, not really. She was more interested to know what her future was with him. If he had never loved before, was she ready to be his first? And when the Reapers came…</p><p>Her thought was cut short. “What about you, Lola?” His eyes met hers and there was a little uncertainty in them. She had to wonder if it was because of his confession or if he was asking her out of habit without really wanting to know the answer. </p><p>Her stomach knotted instantly. I guess I really don’t know who either of us is anymore. She thought about the picture of him she had kept on her desk, uploaded from an old file on her omnitool. She remembered the days following Horizon, how she would be nearly in tears and how Jack had held her through the worst of it. But then she recalled the glorious nights spent in her bed. Kaidan was an amazingly attentive lover. He was sweet and passionate. He could make her laugh and always ensured she was taking care of herself. The thoughts warred within her, even now. But when she remembered Jack, she was reminded of why they had decided to be there for each other, emotionally and physically. She’d been there when the email had come through. Even as hard as the biotic woman tried to be, she’s been drawn to the hurt Altea had tried so desperately to mask. Had she been in love? Yes. It was true. She’d loved Kaidan. But was she ready to open up that wound with James? </p><p>Altea wasn’t one for secrets or dishonesty and she never wanted to walk into a relationship without knowing certain details, so she decided it best to be truthful. As much as it may hurt, she needed him to know that she was not pining over love lost. And she needed to tell him that while she was still angry, it had more to do with betrayal than any other reason. “I have been in love, yes.”</p><p>“What happened?” Not oblivious to the pain in her eyes, he drew his fingers through her hair, wanting to comfort her even as he asked the question sure to stab her through the chest. </p><p>“It was before…” Her fingers twisted James’ shirt, accidentally pulling it free of his fatigues but she paused, not wanting to be distracted by his smooth, tanned skin or the muscles that lie underneath.  “Before I died. Things changed when Cerberus decided to put me back together. Years passed and those I cared about were scattered to the winds. I didn’t know where any of them were or how to get in touch with them. By the time I found him again, it was too late. He didn’t trust me, or that I was the same person. For him, I had abandoned him two years ago and then reappeared in a Cerberus uniform with a Cerberus ship. He barely even let me explain what had happened. Then, he sent me a letter. It was awful. I knew then he would never forgive me.”</p><p>Altea choked back tears remembering the rest of the letter. It had been so cold. Yes, he’d said he loved her but how can you love someone and completely turn your back on them. She had barely begun to believe she was alive again, had just started to register that her former life was probably over. Then, there he was, as a beacon of hope. They had fallen into each other's arms only for him to shove her away and berate her. Jack had been there, too. The letter was what had pushed her over the edge, had caused her to straddle Altea and wrap her arms around her. </p><p>James sighed, “And this would be Major Alenko?” He had known the vehement response to Alenko wanting to see her had stemmed from somewhere but he had never really put the pieces together. Altea didn’t seem to be the type to hold grudges so he should have figured it out before then but it didn’t register who he was or what he’d done until just now. </p><p>Altea nodded her head and laid it back on James’ shoulder. She didn’t know what James knew of Kaidan but she did know that the Major had put in multiple requests to see her. Each time it was easier to tell James, no, she didn’t want to see him.</p><p>“You don’t still have feelings for him do you?” James didn’t know if he wanted to hear her answer, she was obviously still hurt. That didn’t always mean that someone was still regretting losing someone they loved, but he could only pray that her answer would be a negative response. </p><p>“Anger, pain, frustration. Those are feelings.” She chuckled lightly and ran a finger over his jaw as if she wanted to forget this conversation and focus on him instead. Then, she gave another deep sigh and sank back into him.</p><p>“A friend helped me see that I didn’t deserve to be treated that way.” She smiled then and it was sweet, tender. Almost as if she were recalling a happy memory as opposed to a painful one. “We helped each other through some pretty rough shit. It still hurts to think about but I’ve moved on. I’m still pretty pissed about what he did but that’s where the feelings start and end.” </p><p>James could sense that her answer was sincere but he hadn’t missed the smile as she thought of this friend of hers. “And this other friend?”</p><p>Altea laughed. “She’s still a friend, a smokin’ hot, badass friend, but a friend. Don’t worry. There was an understanding between us. Just comfort and someone to hold at night. We knew it wouldn’t last but it was a good distraction for us both at the time.”</p><p>James was taken aback for a second as that information sunk in. He hadn’t known the Commander was bisexual. That would conjure up all-new images that would make it even harder to sleep at night. And if he didn’t start fighting those thoughts now, he’d end up giving Altea a surprise, as she was still sitting in his lap.</p><p>He cleared his throat, trying to mask the fact that her reveal hadn’t shocked him. “Tell me about your other friends.”</p><p>Altea’s eyebrow rose and she pursed her lips. She sat up straight to look him in the eye. “You asking me about who I’ve slept with?”</p><p>James chuckled. Her eyes had that playful glint in them that told him she was messing with him. “No. What about Garrus?”</p><p>They talked well into the night. James got to know a little about all of the names in the dossiers that had crossed his desk over the last few months. Jack was her ex-lover, slightly unhinged and a biotic marvel. Garrus was her best friend, though she was starting to consider him a close second. Tali was a Quarian Altea had adopted and taken under her wing who said “bosh’tet” too much. The list of friends and allies grew by the minute and it gave James a moment to wonder why these people hadn’t tried to reach out to her. Sure, she was under house arrest and she couldn’t receive incoming messages but wouldn’t that be something he should be fielding? </p><p>They wound down the night with a playlist they had compiled over the course of the last month. Altea lay with her head in his lap and her eyes closed taking in the beat of the music and the good company. James would play with her hair occasionally but for the most part, they both just wanted to relax. There wasn’t much either of them would or could do once he left, so this had developed into a routine of sorts. At first, Altea would sit across from him on the opposite end of the couch but slowly, she would make her way to him, let him touch her and she’d rest her hand on his thigh, or hold onto his arm on the back of the couch. </p><p>He was never really sure what stopped him from making a move on her. There was just something about the simpleness of all they shared that he thoroughly enjoyed. His desire for her hadn’t dampened. Sparring with her still made him want to kiss her and those damn shorts of hers were incredibly distracting but for some reason, he found himself wanting more than just sex with her. Getting to know her, hearing stories about those blacked out files in his logs, it was almost as good as knowing her on a primal level. </p><p>But, there were also the doubts he harbored. When she was released, where would that leave him? Would she be reinstated? If so, she would probably leave Earth and not come back for very long periods of time. It was all a little much but he hoped and hope was better than getting his jollies with her just to watch her walk away.  </p><p> </p><p>Later that evening, James sat at his desk looking at all of the open requests for Major Alenko to visit Altea. Any time he’d mentioned that a new request had come through, she’d simply shake her head no but he’d left them open, just in case she changed her mind. This time, however, he took pleasure in hitting the red “deny” button on every single one of them.</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Here Comes the BOOM!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Y'all can just blame my Discord friends for the lovely title, LOL.</p><p>James and Altea have grown very chummy over the last six months. Most days, they live like a married couple but both are afraid of what the future holds for them. They know what's coming, but can their fragile relationship stand up to what they are both about to face?</p>
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    <p>Six months. That was how long it took for any word to reach Altea about her hearing. There were stirrings. She could hear the people moving outside her door. Typically, the halls outside her room were silent but lately, there seemed to be way too much activity. She’d asked James about it. All he could tell her was that it was becoming more apparent that the coming Reaper invasion was now being taken seriously. News had come from Palaven and the Terminus Systems about movement along the outer reaches of council space. Earth had begun to take precautions but to what extent, he wasn’t one hundred percent certain. </p><p>It was on the day of her hearing that James had shown up with a datapad showing exactly what was going on. She glanced over the information to find that there were indeed scans showing the progress of large scale forces amassing on the brink of the long-range scanners. That was worrying, whatever it was, knew just how close to come without being identified. As surely as she knew this day would come, she knew what those scans were showing them. </p><p>“Get dressed.” James had said as he tossed her the datapad. “You are needed immediately. I will be back and will escort you to the brass. Hurry.” James was in and out of her room quickly. </p><p>Digging out her fatigues and the rest of her proper uniform, she went through the steps of preparing for the worst. It had been too long since she’d laced up her combat boots, too long since she’d plaited her hair in the refined, slick braid that was proper for a woman in the military. Looking at herself in the mirror, the woman she had begun to abandon stared back at her. Gone were the soft laugh lines. In their place, the hardened pursed lips of a Commander ready to deliver orders. Gone were the bright eyes of one who had found a sense of sanity and bliss. The sharp eyes and glare that spoke volumes without words leaving her lips were that of a hardened military officer. Jutting out her chin, she took one final look in the mirror before turning to await James’ return. </p><p>There was no mask, no stripping away of what once was. This was just Altea slapping on the mantle she’d always worn. She was what the people needed and she knew it. Taking a look around her small apartment, she took in the two still steaming mugs of coffee she had made for her and James, the black blanket they used to snuggle and watch movies, the remnants that showed James spent as much time in this room as she did. Was that all about to change? Would it matter?</p><p>Looking over the data again, she took a deep breath. Long-range scans showed something big was on the move. It wasn’t like she didn’t know it was coming. She had warned everyone multiple times but why had they waited until now to call her up? Why were they assuming that now that the Reapers were on their doorstep that she could do anything about it?</p><p>Because she had done it before, once with Saren and Sovereign and then again with the Collectors. They were going to rely on her again when it was too late. Why did they never listen to her when they could do something about it themselves?</p><p>The door to her room opened and James saluted, “Commander.”</p><p>Altea grinned, “You’re not supposed to call me that anymore, James.” She nudged his ribs but the look on his face spoke more than the title. Something had changed, shifted between them. It wasn’t that their playful relationship was over but he was making a point to be professional. That didn’t bode well. </p><p>“Not supposed to salute you either. We gotta go. The defense committee wants to see you.” He turned on his heel and Altea followed, almost jogging to keep up with his long strides. </p><p>“What’s going on James?” She tried to reach out to him but his pace was too intent and her hand did nothing but swipe through the air between them. </p><p>“Couldn’t say, just told me they needed you… now.” He turned to her then, only for a moment but it was enough for her to read the situation for what it was and she nodded for him to continue. </p><p>It was then that their path was intercepted. “Anderson.”</p><p>James saluted the Admiral but Shepard couldn’t take it anymore, she wrapped the man in a tight hug. She shouldn’t have but it had been six months and she hadn’t even seen him. She had hoped he would visit during her confinement but it seemed there were always those who wanted to ensure the two were kept apart and her knowledge of the coming events was minimal. </p><p>The Admiral chuckled, knowing the hug was coming. “You look good Shepard. Maybe a little soft around the middle.” He released her to pat her on the belly. </p><p>Altea couldn’t help but grin. He knew she had been working out regularly. According to James, it had been his idea to gift her with the gym pass. </p><p>With that, they continued to head in the direction of Alliance HQ’s main facility, James following closely on their heels. “How are you holding up since being relieved from duty,” he asked.</p><p>Altea shot a look over her shoulder and grinned at James. “It’s not so bad. Warm beds, hot meals, and fine company can go a long way in keeping the spirits high.” She put an emphasis on the word fine that had the Admiral chuckling under his breath.</p><p>James returned the grin but cleared his throat and tried to look stoic as Anderson looked over his shoulder. The Admiral shook his head with a knowing grin. He’d warned James that Altea wasn’t always polite. Her humor sometimes crude. Yet, he couldn’t know the true extent of their relationship. In all fairness, neither did they.</p><p>Shifting her thoughts back to the task at hand, Altea prodded, “What’s going on? Why is everyone in such a hurry?” She’d read the reports but nothing she’d seen could account for the way people were flurrying around her. The report said movement on long-range scanners. Was the information outdated? Were the Reapers moving that fast?</p><p>He stopped, turning to her and casting a glance at the Lieutenant. Was there something she was missing? Something she hadn’t been told? “It’s something big Shepard. But no one has ID’d what’s coming. We can’t say for certain it is what we think it is.”</p><p>She crossed her arms over her chest, giving the Admiral a pointed look. “What else could it be?”</p><p>“If we knew…”</p><p>She cut him off, not wanting to prolong this line of thought any longer. “It’s the Reapers. You know we are not ready for them, not by a long-shot.”</p><p>The Admiral shrugged and shook his head. “Tell that to the defense committee.”</p><p>Anderson explained what he could as they continued. The committee was scared. There were things going on that no one could explain but they had her reports, knew what Shepard knew, yet had always been unwilling to believe it. He was right about one thing though, it was her knowledge of the enemy that kept her from being court-martialed and imprisoned for good. It had also given the Admiral an excuse to have her placed in a unit far better than a regular jail cell. </p><p>“I just need you to do whatever the hell it takes to stop the Reapers, Shepard.” </p><p>She nodded, knowing full well she was no politician. No matter how many times she played the diplomat, there were things she would never understand about the way politics worked. Being a soldier for as long as she had gave her some insight, but was it enough to make the defense committee see what needed to be done? Was she going to be able to present the threat as something they would understand?</p><p>A liaison met them at the gate to escort them into the hearing. As the Admiral spoke with her, James reached out and took Altea’s arm. “Good luck in there, Lola.” He smiled but she could see the uncertainty in his eyes, feel him pulling away from her.</p><p>“James, this isn’t the end for us. I promise you that.” She pulled him into a hug but was quickly interrupted by a voice she recognized all too well.</p><p>“Shepard,” his tone was soft, softer than it should have been with her name on his lips. </p><p>She released James to turn to him and couldn’t stop the ire that dripped from her lips. “Kaidan.”</p><p>His soft smile faltered a bit as he took in the look she shot him and Vega’s crossed arms. But his attention was diverted back to the Admiral as he asked him about his own hearing. Altea turned back to James for a moment, giving his arm a reassuring squeeze. She wanted to make sure James knew that Kaidan’s presence wasn’t a problem for her. </p><p>James grinned but again it faltered as his eyes left hers to gaze to a spot just beyond her. She already knew who had captured his attention. She just hoped that it didn’t mean the Major was going to...</p><p>“It’s good to see you, Shepard.” Kaidan rested his hand on Altea’s shoulder but she shrugged out from under his touch and made her way to Admiral Anderson.</p><p> </p><p>James tried to keep his anger at the Major in check. It would do neither of them any good if he began reaming the guy publicly for things that seemed to be in the past. As the Major took up a position beside him and watched Altea walk away, he couldn’t help but assert some kind of possessive authority over her. “So, you used to know the Commander?”</p><p>Kaidan sighed, “Yeah, used to.” The man stared longingly down the corridor as he watched Altea leave. </p><p>He turned to face Vega. “Who are you?”</p><p>“Lieutenant James Vega.” He gave a mock salute as the Major was still above him in rank but he couldn’t bring himself to show the proper deference.</p><p>“James… ah. You were the one in charge of Altea’s confinement.” A sour look crossed the Major’s face. </p><p>“The one and only,” James smirked.</p><p>Kaidan gave him a once over as if sizing him up. There was no way the Major could know what Altea was to him, or what Vega was to her. They hadn’t made contact with each other in over a year but it seemed the Major wasn’t a fool. He could read the signals James was giving off. He knew that everything about him was screaming a pissing match would occur should he try to voice his admiration for the Commander.  </p><p>They stood outside the doors for a while, neither of them wanting to walk away and both of them knowing that soon Altea would come back through those doors. It was an uneasy silence that fell over them and they began to exchange glares as time wore on.</p><p>James was about ready to tell Kaidan to leave, that Altea hadn’t wanted to see him before and she probably didn’t want to see him now but as he opened his mouth to speak, the doors in front of them exploded showering the pair with debris. </p><p>Shouts began to echo off the walls. He could hear Anderson calling for Shepard. And a glance outside told him all he needed to know. The Reapers were here. James and Kaidan both cursed themselves. They had been so focused on who would get to Altea first that they neglected to realize the commotion around them had grown to a panicked state. </p><p>As James moved to the doors, ready to jump to Altea’s side a strong arm pulled him back. “We need to get to the Normandy, now!”</p><p>James pulled his arm away. “Fuck that! I am not leaving her to fend for herself.”</p><p>“Lieutenant, you won’t be able to help her. She can take care of herself but if we don’t get to the ship, she will be left floundering once she escapes.” </p><p>There was a hardness in the Major’s eyes that James recognized. This was war. He wasn’t abandoning Altea, he was quickly calculating the best chance of a rescue mission. It was an admirable way of thinking and James had to respect that he had probably been through this more times than he wanted to count. Taking a deep breath, he nodded and followed the Major. </p><p> </p><p>Getting to the ship was a struggle. There were more enemies to fight than James thought there would be as husks and other creatures poured out from the sky. He and Kaidan did what they could to escort and guide as many people as they could to relative safety. Kaidan barked out orders along the way and they found weapons and ammo, enough to see them to the ship and to arm those they could. But James began to wonder if it was enough. He knew these people would be fending for themselves but he couldn’t stop himself from first wondering about Altea’s safety. </p><p>As the Normandy came into view, he breathed his first sigh of relief. He knew her crew would do everything they could to make sure she survived. Altea had told him many times that she wouldn’t be alive if her teammates hadn’t come to the rescue time and time again. Yet, the only person he knew for sure would be there for her was standing in front of him. The rest of her former crew were scattered to the winds. No others had come to see her or to fight for her. </p><p>Boarding the ship, James was surprised to find that most of the support crew was still on board and they would have no choice but to join them on this leg of the mission. Traynor, Cortez, and many others were about to be in for a fight they never planned to be a part of. He supposed the same would be true of himself. They would rescue the Commander and reassess but for now, they were a part of the Normandy’s crew.</p><p>Making his way to the flight deck, he stood back as the Major and Joker tried to make contact with Altea. For a while they only received static and James’ heart began to race as he remembered the impact of the explosion and Anderson’s panicked voice. </p><p>As he was about to lose all hope, Anderson’s voice crackled along the airwaves. “Major Alenko, do you read me? I have Commander Shepard with me, patching her in.”</p><p>“We made it to the Normandy. I have Lieutenant Vega with me. We are under heavy fire. What is your location?”</p><p>Again, there was static. Kaidan punched the console and turned to him. “We need to be ready when we find the Commander. Come with me. Joker, try and get a read on the Commander’s location.”</p><p>“EDI, it’s all, you girl. Find Commander Shepard.” Joker patted the console gently.</p><p>To Kaidan’s apparent surprise, an electronic voice answered, “Attempting to acquire a signal.”</p><p>Kaidan’s eyebrow rose in suspicion before turning back to James and nodding his head to the elevator doors. James knew the layout of the Normandy. He’d been on board a few times speaking with Cortez. He could only assume that Kaidan was aiming for the shuttle bay and the weapons lockers. It was smart to be prepared for anything. It seemed the Major knew what he was doing. </p><p>As they exited the elevator, Kaidan’s voice rang out. “Lieutenant, prep that shuttle. We may need an emergency evac and we may need it quickly.”</p><p>Cortez nodded to the Major and dashed over to make the necessary preparations. </p><p> </p><p>It was a few minutes before they heard Admiral Anderson’s voice again and James was on edge. He couldn’t decide what to do. He scrambled around, following the Major’s instructions but couldn’t seem to think straight beyond that. He needed to know what was happening, what was their plan going forward? </p><p>“Normandy, we are going to reroute. Do you copy?” There were heavy static and gunfire echoing in the chamber of the shuttle bay.</p><p>Kaidan leaned over the communications console. His voice cracking with strain and worry.<br/>
“Dammit, Shepard. Where are you?”</p><p>“Don’t worry, Major. You said it before. She can take care of herself.” James didn’t know if he was attempting to ease the Major’s worries or his own but saying it out loud did seem to make him feel a bit better. </p><p>Cortez had the shuttle queued up and ready but the worse things began to look, the more unsure the Major became that it would be a legitimate option. Growing ever more frustrated, a blue glow began to emanate from his arms and hands. If he wasn’t careful this fight would be over before it began.</p><p>“Major Alenko, it would be wise to power down. We might need those biotics later but I don’t think the Commander will appreciate you blowing a hole in her ship before she can be rescued.” James crossed his arms over his large chest and eyed Kaidan. This was out of line, he knew but someone had to talk the biotic out of creating more problems than were already present. </p><p>Kaidan glared at him but took a few deep breaths and the glow began to subside. </p><p> </p><p>After a few more minutes, comms became active again and the Admiral set off a beacon to give their location. Both James and Kaidan let out breaths they had no idea they had been holding and the Major gave the order to follow the signal. Joker didn’t seem to need any instruction to that effect as he was already steering the ship towards the Commander.</p><p>The Normandy’s flight was smooth as Joker evaded the enemy. He had heard the Flight-Lieutenant was a master of his craft but to be able to maneuver through everything that was going on outside without tossing them around like rag-dolls was a feat he would have to buy the man a drink for.</p><p>“Nix the shuttle. This is going to be a drop and grab,” Joker announced.</p><p>The shuttle-bay doors lowered and James got his first view of the scene below. Reapers crowded Alliance HQ, almost as if they knew exactly where to hit. Husks and Cannibals littered the ground and then he saw her. </p><p>Altea and Admiral Anderson were making a beeline for the Normandy. Both of them seemed to be pushing themselves to the brink and it took James a moment to understand why. There, just below them was a makeshift ramp. Altea planned to jump onto the ship. He knew the Commander was fit, but something like that seemed almost impossible, He looked to Kaidan for reassurance that this was what they planned and sure enough, the Major was bracing for the Commander to make the jump into his arms. </p><p>Hitting the ramp with everything she had, Altea took flight. It was only for a few moments but James was once again entranced by her body’s capabilities. As she hit the deck, Kaidan righted her and she nodded her thanks, turning to do the same for the Admiral.</p><p>“Come on,” she yelled when the Admiral hesitated.</p><p>He turned to look at a shuttle that was taking off behind him. “I’m not going. You saw those men back there. There’s a million more like them and they need a leader.”</p><p>“We’re in this fight together, Anderson.” </p><p>James was taken aback by the pleading look in her eyes. He knew that Altea cared about the Admiral but until this moment, he hadn’t realized just how much. She was unwilling to leave him behind and the fact that he hadn’t jumped with her was making her anxious, almost to the point he was sure that she was just as ready to make the leap back to him.</p><p>“It’s a fight we can’t win. Not without help. We need every species and all their ships to even have a chance at defeating the Reapers.”</p><p>As a stricken look crossed Altea’s face, James reached out to place a hand on her shoulder. There was something going through her mind, he knew it but he couldn’t understand why she seemed so upset.</p><p>“Talk to the Council. Convince them to help us.”</p><p>There was a note of panic in her voice as she shouted back, “What if they won’t listen?”</p><p>“Then make them listen. Now, go! That’s an order!”</p><p>Placing her hands on her hips, she smirked at the Admiral even though James could see the tears brimming her eyes. “I don’t take orders from you anymore, remember?”</p><p>Pulling her dog tags from his pocket, he tossed them to Altea. “Consider yourself reinstated, Commander! You know what you have to do.”</p><p>Staring at the tags, now in her hand, she sighed deeply and shook her head. James read the resignation, the watery eyes. This was killing her. Her heart was breaking and she was standing at the very edge of wanting to bail, even as she knew she was going to walk away.</p><p>“I’ll come back for you!” A tear slipped down her cheek. “And I will bring every fleet I can.” She gritted her teeth to the point that the last words came out more as a growl, spittle flying as she turned her back to the Admiral.</p><p>Then, she shook her head again, and quietly, she gathered her strength. “Good luck.”</p><p>“You too Shepard.”</p><p> </p><p>Taking in the two men standing in the shuttle bay entrance, she knew this was going to be a difficult road, not only for herself but for everyone involved. This was ride-or-die and as the two looked to her for guidance, she could only think that this was the end of everything she’d ever wanted. She was the Commander again, so what did that mean for her and James? Kaidan was on board her ship, there was no avoiding him now. What was she going to do with him? And having the two in close quarters. </p><p>She reached up, massaging the bridge of her nose and tried to think. First, they would need to head to the council, inform them that the threat she had warned them about for three years was real and it was present. They would no longer be able to deny it. </p><p>Shepard turned to take one last look at the scene below. James stood by her side and followed her eyes to a small boy. He recognized the child. It was the same she had watched playing with a model plane in his front yard only a few months ago. He was racing to one of the nearby shuttles. As he lifted his small leg to climb in, he looked up to the still lowered platform they stood on and waved to Altea. A slow smile played across her lips as she lifted her hand to wave back.</p><p>Then, the worst thing he could imagine happened. The Reaper sighted the shuttles flight path and a red beam tore the shuttle to pieces right in front of them. He watched as Altea closed her eyes and the tears she had been holding back slipped down her cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>Moving through the shuttle bay, she decided she couldn’t waste time. Standing at the door crying would do nobody any good. She’d tried to get the boy to come with her. She should have tried harder. He couldn’t have been any more than six but how many more like him would see the same fate if she didn’t do what she could to stop the Reapers from getting any further than they already had. This was her duty, she could worry about her personal problems later</p><p>Kaidan had made his way to what was now the armory and she took an assessment of the changes noting what was new and what was leftover from the Cerberus ship. Reaching her old footlocker, she grabbed her N7 gear and took stock of her weapons, finding that all was where she had left them. Of course, the locker was in a different place than she remembered but this location made much more sense. </p><p>James was on her heels as she continued to move through the space. “What the hell is going on? Where are we going?”</p><p>Altea joined Kaidan at the console that was now a makeshift weapons bench. It seemed that the Major had pulled what he thought they may need out of the reserves locker and placed them where Altea could get to them. And some called her a girl-scout. She guessed it was only fair that her habits had rubbed off on her former crew. </p><p>Her busy hands were a cover, a guise, for what she didn't want to acknowledge. She didn’t want to look James in the eye and admit that she didn't know what she was doing any more than he did. It hurt leaving Anderson behind, leaving Earth behind. </p><p>“Hey,” grabbing her arm, he spun her around to face him. His eyes pleaded with her to answer him, to acknowledge that what they were doing was wrong. </p><p>Gathering all the strength she could, she met James’ eyes. “We’re leaving.”</p><p>“Leaving?” James was so angry his voice cracked. He shook his head as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. </p><p>She turned away from him and headed to the communications console. She needed more information. Where were the rest of the Reapers? What was their next move? Would the council listen if she showed up begging for help? What was she going to say to them? It wasn’t as if the Council was altruistic. They had never taken humanity’s side on any matter. Would they even care what was happening to Earth?</p><p>Kaidan came up behind her, his voice soft and almost tender as he stroked her back. “What’s going on?”</p><p>“Anderson wants us to go to the Citadel and get help for the fight, so that’s what we are doing.” She shrugged out of Kaidan’s reach. She didn’t want his comfort or his coddling and the man she needed it from was intent on yelling at her. </p><p>“Bullshit! He wouldn’t order us to leave.” </p><p>“You were standing right there, James. We don’t have a choice. Without help, this war is already over.” She was getting pissed. There were a million scenarios she’d imagined over the last six months and this was not one of them. Leaving Earth, her people, as they were annihilated didn’t even rank in the top ten. This was bullshit but she was a soldier, she followed orders. Why couldn’t James see that this was killing her as much as it was him?</p><p>“Forget it. Drop me off someplace…”</p><p>That was it.</p><p>“Enough!” Stepping up to him, she came toe-to-toe, her eyes burning with the need to slap him but instead, she shoved a finger in his face. “Don’t you think I’d rather stay and fight?”</p><p>They stared each other down for a few moments, James glaring at her as she took on the mantle of Commander. There was absolutely no arguing with Commander Shepard, her word was law as far as most were concerned and as James conceded, she continued. </p><p>“We’re going to the Citadel.” She shook her head as the realization that what they may have had could very quickly be a thing of the past. “You want out, you catch a ride from there.” </p><p>James tried to blow her off with a dismissive gesture but as soon as he did it, a hail came in from Joker. Admiral Hackett was requesting that her team hit the Mars Archives. Liara was researching a way to take down the Reapers. She had a moment to thank the heavens that her team hadn’t stopped working in her absence. And now they could do something to help her out. This meant that James would be along for the ride whether he wanted to be or not and as things stood, he was her back up. Him and Kaidan… great. </p><p>Punching the elevator door, she could feel the two sets of eyes on her neck. She turned to face them, wondering what in the hell they wanted now. </p><p>“Why Mars? What is he thinking we will find,” Kaidan asked.</p><p>“Man, this is loco.” James crossed his arms over his chest and glared at her.</p><p>She didn’t want to deal with whatever was going on with James so she addressed Kaidan instead, “I don’t know but whatever it is, I hope it helps us to win this war. Grab your gear. It won’t take us long to get there.”</p><p>The elevator doors opened and she stepped inside watching as the doors closed and all eyes were still on her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Here to Mars, Part 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Altea and James are on shaky ground and with the addition of Kaidan to their crew, the strain between them seems to be growing as well. Altea is an emotional wreck. Instead of doling out orders, she has escaped to her cabin.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Altea threw her gear onto her bed. She wanted to argue with James about as much as she wanted a hole in the head. She couldn’t really blame him though. She was just as mad about leaving Earth behind, about leaving Anderson. Tears threatened to well in her eyes. She’d left Anderson. How could she do that? In all her years as an officer, she lived with the mentality of “leave no man behind”. Yet, here she was, headed to Mars and this wasn’t the first time she’d walked away from someone she cared about. </p><p>Thoughts of Ash filled her mind. Altea could picture the vivid landscape as if she were still there. Everything was in sharp contrast. There were no blurred lines, no fuzzy half-forgotten details. No, she remembered Virmire like it was yesterday. She could still hear the strain in Ash’s voice as she said. “You know it’s the right call, LT.” It was save her or save Kaidan. As much as she cared for the girl, her mind could not focus past the fact that the man she cared about was in danger. Ash knew this. She had resigned herself to the reality of it even before Altea could try and process what was happening. Time and time again, she was forced to face the fact that she had let a friend die to save her lover. </p><p>Trying to think of anything else, she reached for her gear. It should have been a simple task, and one she could go through the motions of without even thinking but as she held the breastplate in her hands, all she could think about was how stupid the design of it was. Yes, it did the job but a flat piece would work better. It was a design flaw but one of the many things she no longer thought about. Did it matter that her breasts were always on display when in the face of certain danger?</p><p>EDI’s electronic voice chimed overhead, “Lieutenant Vega is at your door.”</p><p>Sighing, she massaged the bridge of her nose. She should have seen this coming. She had to know that by running away, either Vega or Alenko would follow her. The latter made more sense but if Vega had won the short straw then, so be it. </p><p>“Let him in.” Altea stood with her gear still in her hand and faced the door, her irritation growing by the second. </p><p>James came through the door looking less heated than he had been in the shuttle bay but it did nothing to cool Altea’s burning anger. She wasn’t even sure she was mad at him but she couldn’t stop the seething fury that was building up inside of her. If he wanted to throw down here and now, she was game. She’d relish the thought of decking him this time. </p><p>“Hey, Lola, look I’m sorry for going off on you like that.” His hand reached up to massage the back of his neck and he rolled his shoulders, a habit he had when he was stressed. His voice was soft, almost pleading.</p><p>This wasn’t what Altea had expected and it threw her a bit. The anger still bubbled but the edge wore away as she watched the Lieutenant shift on his feet and finger the dog-tags around his neck. “James, I didn’t want to leave any more than you did. Anderson, he’s…” Her voice trailed off and she found herself again staring at the ridiculous breastplate in her hand. She considered tossing it to the floor, stomping on it for being so stupid but that was childish. She wasn’t any more mad at the breastplate than she was James. </p><p>“I know, Lola. I know. He’s the dad you never had.” James approached Altea cautiously, apparently not knowing if he should or if her anger would be turned on him again.</p><p>The tears came then. She couldn’t stop them. Having it said out loud made the ache in her heart pound a heavy staccato in tune with her growing headache. She sat on the edge of the bed and James sat next to her, rubbing slow circles over her back. Wrapping his thick arm around her, he pulled her into a hug and he could feel the tears wet his shirt where her head rested. </p><p>“When Kaidan and I were on a mission on Virmire, we abandoned one of our own to get out safely. I promised myself I would never do that again.” She wrapped her arms around him and snuggled into the heat of his body. She hadn’t realized that her hands had grown so cold until James jumped slightly at her touch, but he didn’t ask her to move them. </p><p>“I hate to tell you this, Lola but that’s not a promise you can make.” He kissed her forehead and stroked his fingers over her tightly woven braid. “We are soldiers. Death is something we have to face and move on. You taught me that.”</p><p>Altea let out a humorless laugh. “Yeah, I suppose I did.”</p><p>“Besides, Anderson is fine. He’s a soldier just like us and one hardass son-of-a-bitch. He’s not going down without one hell of a fight.” </p><p>Altea lifted her head to give James a watery smile. She saw it for the platitude it was but he was trying to help her, that alone made her feel a bit better. And, of course, he was right. While Anderson may have been left in the thick of the battle, she had no doubt that he would do exactly as he said and lead the people of Earth in the attack. She just hoped that she would be able to bring the force needed to take down the Reapers on Earth in time to see him again. </p><p>“Approaching Mars, Commander.” Jeff’s voice sounded over the comms. </p><p>“Now, come on. We have a mission to do and a universe to save.” They stood, James still holding onto her for support. </p><p>Altea stripped down to her leggings and bra and James watched but didn’t make any lewd remarks. He’d seen her do this enough times that it had become routine. It didn’t change the fact that he was openly appreciating her body but he had also learned that Altea didn’t care when he stared. She dug through her closet, surprised to find her stuff was all still neatly folded in the drawers, and found the under armor shirt she needed, pulling it on over her head.</p><p>With that part done she lowered the breastplate over her head, laughing as it molded to the shape of her breasts, “This armor is so stupid. Whoever designed it should be fired.”</p><p>James smirked, “I don’t know, Lola. You’re making it work.” </p><p> </p><p>James felt better about where he stood with Altea after speaking with her but he was still unsure of his place by her side now. For six months, he had been her jailor, her friend, and towards the end, maybe something more. They had kissed a few times but that didn’t mean they were together. And now, she was his direct superior. That was something he never saw coming. It had been a dream of his to one day serve under her command, to have a place on the Normandy but now. Now, there were complications. But he’d just held her as she cried. Did that mean that there was hope for them?</p><p>Standing in the elevator with her, the silence stretched between them. He could only assume she was attempting to regain some control of her emotions. Just minutes ago, she’d been crying. Yet, he saw her wipe no more tears away. Her breathing had steadied as she stared straight ahead. </p><p>When the door opened, James went to the lone footlocker that wasn’t claimed to find a suit of armor that would fit him perfectly. He shook his head. He knew, without a doubt, that this was Anderson’s work. He had meant for Altea and James to join his crew. Alongside the armor was an Avenger assault rifle. It wasn’t the best in its class but it would surely get the job done. </p><p>As he strapped it on his back, he turned just in time to see Kaidan toss the last of Shepard’s weapons to her, a Titan sniper rifle. He’d seen the Cerberus schematics for them but had never actually held one. She checked the sights on the rifle before securing the weapon just as he had. Looking over her body, he noticed not only did she carry the sniper but a pistol at her hip and an assault rifle juxtaposed to the Titan. Her belt was also strapped with frag grenades. Was she really proficient in using all of these weapons?</p><p>As he watched, Kaidan and Altea checked each other’s seals and ensured that their shield boosters were working. The way they moved so fluidly around each other made the simplest things seem routine, easy. James couldn’t say he was jealous but there was something about them that said, “We’ve done this a million times.”</p><p>When they finished, Altea approached him. “Turn.”</p><p>He complied and Altea proceeded to check the seals of his armor, just as she had Kaidan’s. </p><p>“You ready to see some action, Vega?”</p><p>“Yes, ma’am.” He knew it was the proper response to his commanding officer but he regretted it the second the words left his lips. Her hands paused in their inspection but she didn’t say anything. Yet, he heard the soft sigh, felt the moment she walked away and didn’t turn back to look at him. </p><p> </p><p>James flew the shuttle into the landing zone just outside of the Mars Archives. This left Altea and Kaidan in the back of the shuttle and rather than sit, glaring at each other with unsaid words, Altea decided it best to stand behind James and watch their approach. The tension between the threesome seemed to be growing with every minute they were left alone in the same space for too long. She had known the moment she saw the two of them together on the lowered shuttle bay door, that this was going to be a fight, one way or another. </p><p>Joker’s voice came over the comm as the archive came into view. “I’ve been trying to reach Mars on secure channels. No one’s answering.”</p><p>That was definitely odd. There should be more than a few scientists and even more archivists still in the facility. “Any sign of Reaper activity?” She moved in closer to James, not aware that she was too close for what was normal between commanding officer and underling but wanting to see if there were signs of the machine’s presence. </p><p>“Negative.” Joker relayed. </p><p>This didn’t bode well at all. If the Reapers hadn’t come, where was everyone? “EDI?” </p><p>“The base appears to be online. It is possible the inhabitants were evacuated.”</p><p>Shepard looked to James, only then aware she was hovering over his shoulder and took a step back. “Well, I guess we’ll know soon enough.”</p><p>“Almost there, Commander,” James smirked as his eyes once again fell to her breasts and the body armor she wore. It made Altea laugh but their moment was interrupted by Kaidan clearing his throat, telling them this wasn’t the time. Altea turned to look at him and saw the question in his eyes but shrugged and turned back to face the window. </p><p> </p><p>Before exiting the shuttle James informed them that a massive storm was rolling in. It wouldn’t be long before they lost contact with the Normandy. They needed to move quickly. They rechecked their seals, made sure all weapons and extra ammo were on their person and jumped down onto the red sands of Mars. </p><p>“Damn, that storm is even bigger up close, Commander,” James stated as they made their way to the front of the facility. The massive dust cloud roiled on the horizon, distracting all of them for a moment. And the closer they got to the Archives the more the wind seemed to pick up. </p><p>“Pretty typical for Mars actually.” Kaidan tried to sound nonchalant about it but there was an edge to the statement that shouldn’t have been there. </p><p>“I’m glad you’re so optimistic.” It was apparent that James had caught his tone, too and Altea turned to face them as Kaidan continued. </p><p>“We’ve got Reapers invading Earth. The stations here are offline. A dust storm feels like the least of our worries.”</p><p>Altea looked to James, and shook her head slightly, telling him not to continue arguing with the Major. “Fair enough.” He said and she knew the statement was meant more for her than Alenko. But it shut him up all the same. </p><p>Jumping down from the ledge, they found two dead soldiers. Altea could only assume they had been guarding the archives entrance but the odd thing was, they were shot in the back of the head, execution-style. She turned to Kaidan and James. Both shrugged as if they couldn’t explain it either. There was definitely something going on here. If it wasn’t the Reapers, who could possibly want to take out the entire Archive?</p><p>Their answer came at the crest of the next hill. Altea’s blood ran cold at the sight of the white and gold uniforms. They were all too familiar. She’d worn one herself. She was never proud of that fact but it still didn’t explain what was going on.</p><p>“Cerberus,” Kaidan nearly spat the word. </p><p>Altea took a deep breath. This was the moment she had been dreading. It wasn’t the soldiers standing at the bottom of the hill and it wasn’t the dead that lay at their feet. She hated the sight but she knew with every fiber of her being that the fight with Kaidan was about to happen. The words left unspoken between them would soon bubble to the surface and he wouldn't be able to to stop himself. He’d started this fight on Horizon. He wanted answers and she couldn’t give any that would satisfy him. </p><p>Pulling the sniper rifle from her back, she found a good position and motioned the other two behind her. There were only four of them and if she timed her shots, she could take them all out easily.</p><p>James moved to take up position beside Altea, but Kaidan held him back. “Just wait.”</p><p>Altea lined up her sights and found the soldier furthest from the group. Pop. Her rifle barely made a sound as the first man fell. Pop, click, pop. Effortlessly, she had taken down two of them without even breathing between shots. The last man turned to see his fallen comrades but he didn’t even have time to shout an alarm before falling to the ground seconds after realizing they were in trouble.  </p><p>Altea bounced up onto her toes feeling the adrenaline coursing through her veins. </p><p>“Hell yeah, Lola. That’s what I’m talking about.” He held up his hand and she eagerly met it in a giddy high-five. </p><p>Kaidan eyed the pair. Through his helmet, it shouldn’t have been so obvious but he crossed his arms and his head shifted slightly.</p><p>“Alright, I’m done.” Altea shrugged and motioned them to move forward. </p><p>A few feet later, there were more troops piling out of vehicles that were blocking the entrance to the Archives. This time it wouldn’t be so easy. There were no good sniping positions and it didn’t take the soldiers long to realize they weren’t alone. Altea’s mood was still running on adrenaline and she felt her lips curl into a sardonic smile as she pulled her assault rifle from her back.</p><p>“Eat my cock, you pansy ass little pricks!” Her shout was nearly drowned out by the barrage of gunfire that exploded from the end of her weapon.</p><p>James couldn’t help but chuckle, yet he heard the Major sigh as if this were something he’d heard a million times. It was fun seeing this side of her. He could recall all the times he’s heard mention of her prowess with weapons but he had no idea she took so much joy in being a complete badass or that she got worked up enough to shout obscenities at the enemy. </p><p>As the last man fell, Altea charged into the open door of the Archives. Her blood was finally pumping. All of those months of being cooped up in a jail cell were washing off of her shoulders in waves of adrenaline. Turning to the console, she made sure the door was closed behind them and started their ascent in the elevator. Her body felt good, loose and she had a feeling that when she removed her helmet that she would be flushed and grinning. </p><p>“Shepard, I need a straight answer,” Kaidan crossed his arms. She could tell by the way he was looking at her that he was ready to have it out here and now. She’d avoided this for six months as she refused to allow him access to her while she was confined. </p><p>“Kaidan…” She lifted her fingers to the bridge of her nose, trying to rub out the headache that was sure to come. The effort was useless as she couldn’t actually perform the act through the metal and plastic of her helmet but the gesture wasn’t lost on the two men beside her.</p><p>He got in her face then, jabbing an accusatory finger at her. “Don’t Kaidan me. This is business. Do you know anything about why Cerberus is here?”</p><p>She turned to him, not backing down. She didn’t give two shits about Kaidan’s anger. As far as she was concerned, he could eat it. “What makes you think I know what they’re up to?”</p><p>“You worked for them for God's sakes. How am I not supposed to think that?” He stepped away from her then and went to rest against the handrail that ran the length of the elevator. He shook his head as he waited for her response but when she was slow to respond, he tilted his head back to look at her. </p><p>“I joined forces to take down the Collectors.” Shaking her head, she bit out the next words. “That’s. It.” </p><p>“There’s more to it. They rebuilt you from the ground up. They gave you a ship, resources.” He was starting to get angrier, gesturing wildly with his hands and his voice cracking with held back force. </p><p>“Let me be clear. I have had no contact with Cerberus since I destroyed the Collector base.” She could still recall the look on the Illusive Man’s face when he realized her plan was to walk away from him, from Cerberus, with his ship and his people. “And I have no idea why they are here now or what they want.”</p><p>James stepped in then, trying to diffuse the situation. “Commander Shepard’s been under constant surveillance since coming back to Earth.” He did neglect to mention that he was the one watching her. “No way they’ve communicated since.” </p><p>“Sorry, Shepard, it’s just…” His words were cut off as the vacuum seal for the elevator met with the breathable air of the facility’s interior. </p><p>When the air had stabilized, she removed her helmet, but gone was the adrenaline, gone was the slight grin of moments before. </p><p>Frustrated, she turned to him before entering the Archives. “You of all people should know what I’m about, Kaidan.”</p><p>James took that as his queue and placed a consoling hand on her shoulder. He knew what had gone down between the two of them. He knew that Altea had spent six months avoiding this very conversation. “You alright, Lola?” He whispered as he got close enough not to be overheard by the Major.</p><p>She nodded and gave him a small smile but her next words were pointed back at Kaidan. “Please, trust me.”</p><p>He shook his head. “I do Shepard, I’m sorry. It’s just…” Again, the Major’s words were cut off as a rumbling sound came from the ventilation shaft above them. Shots were fired making an odd concussive noise in the small chamber. And it seemed like whatever, whoever was in the shaft, they were headed their way. The trio took cover, eyes on whatever was moving above them, and weapons were drawn to deal with the newest threat.</p><p>The vent popped open to reveal a blue-skinned Asari in a very familiar white lab coat. The biotic woman turned to face the shaft as she landed on her feet and tossed a singularity into the air. The men, Cerberus soldiers, who had been chasing her hung in the air as she fired her pistol into their skulls. </p><p>James moved quickly to deal with this newest threat, but Altea’s arm across his chest stopped his forward movement. He turned to her to see a slight grin on the Commander’s face. “Easy there, Lieutenant. She’s with us.”</p><p>As the Asari turned to face them, Shepard raced forward and swung the girl into a spinning hug. “Liara!”</p><p>She giggled and leaned her blue head into the crook of Altea’s neck as she returned the hug. “Shepard, thank the goddess, you’re alive. I was worried when the reports came in. They hit Earth hard?”</p><p>When Altea put the Asari back on her feet, Kaidan came to stand beside them. “Yeah, it was hard to leave like that.” </p><p>Liara’s eyes closed for a moment and she took a deep breath. She seemed to be trying to find the words to say to appease both Altea and Kaidan’s worry but came up empty-handed. “I’m so sorry but why did you come here?”</p><p>They explained that Admiral Hackett had sent the directive. There was something in the Archives that spoke of a Prothean superweapon capable of taking down the Reapers. Liara had simply nodded, stating that was her purpose there as well and she had almost reached the place where the information was being held when Cerberus attacked sending her far in the opposite direction. Altea wasn’t completely satisfied that this was the answer to their problems but it was a start. She couldn’t go to the Council empty-handed, she’d tried that before. If this could help her in their goal of finding assistance for Earth, then they would push forward to the Archives. </p><p>The electric sizzle of a cutting torch came from above. “We’ve got company.” Shepard readied her weapon.</p><p>“Bring it on,” James took up his place beside Altea.</p><p>She turned to him with a look of disappointment. She knew she needed him elsewhere, even if she wanted to keep him by her side through this. “Not this time, James.”</p><p>“But…” It was obvious that he could tell there was something she needed from him and he wanted to argue about leaving her side as much as she was arguing with herself. </p><p>“If Cerberus beats us to the Archives I need you to bring in the shuttle and cover the exits.” It was true. With this many soldiers here, there was the likely chance that whatever they had come for could just as easily be flown off base before they could make it to their destination. That was the point of having so many soldiers in an infiltration. Cut off the route, secure the area and whoever is obtaining the info they need has a clear and concise route. </p><p>James shot Altea a confused look. He knew he should follow orders and he couldn’t say that he didn’t want to leave her with Kaidan and Liara standing right beside her. It would only cause Altea more problems and he didn’t want to be the one to say they were closer than anyone else realized. </p><p>“Now, Lieutenant.”</p><p>James looked between her and Kaidan, almost asking if she was sure she wanted to be left alone with him. He’d already been on her case. And he hated how Kaidan thought it was acceptable to have this out with her in the middle of a firefight, on a mission that seemed important enough to tackle before running to the people they needed assistance from. But the importance of what she was asking wasn’t lost on him. He was her ultimate back-up plan if things went wrong.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Here to Mars, Part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Altea sends James away, telling him to do his best to make contact with the Normandy and cover her as she infiltrates the Archives and goes after Cerberus. James can't help but feel that he is being pushed aside. He follows orders and tries to keep an eye on her but with the oncoming storm, everything is in a fog.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>James checked the sink on his rifle for the fourth time as he trudged the windy desert terrain of Mars alone. Just as he was coming to terms with joining Altea on this insane mission, just as he was about to take aim and barrel down on the frustration coursing through his body, she’d sent him away. He didn’t want to pout about it. He felt stupid in knowing that he was overreacting but it didn’t change the fact that when she needed someone at her back, he was walking away, again.</p><p>He wanted to blame Kaidan. Yet, he had seen the reasoning in getting the Normandy first. He still didn’t like it but it was what Altea needed. Being sent away by her, it was different. He knew that the team with her now was familiar, but he had begun to believe his presence was equally familiar. “Back to the shuttle. Now, Lieutenant.” That did not speak to the familiarity he was accustomed to. And, if he were honest, since Altea had stepped foot on the Normandy, she had morphed into a different person. The mantle of leadership suited her but it also placed a wedge between them that he didn’t know how to maneuver around. </p><p>In the lonely shuttle, he tried not to think about it too much. Instead, he focused on trying to contact the Normandy. The winds were picking up and every once in awhile the shuttle would shake with the force of it. He knew it wouldn’t be long before he lost all hope of contacting anyone until the storm passed. His only hope was that he wouldn’t lose Shepard completely. </p><p> </p><p>Altea had fought her way through to the roof of the facility and the storm had picked up enough that she was thankful for the gravity boots. At least with them, she wouldn’t be blown off and into the chasm below. She scanned the skies. There was still no evidence of Reapers, no Cerberus shuttles taking off but there was also no sign of James. The storm was no longer roiling off on the distant horizon and she worried not only about radio contact but visibility as the red sands of Mars were whipped about them.</p><p>Almost as if summoned, James’ voice cracked over her headset, full of static, “...mander, you read me?”</p><p>“Barely, the storm’s causing interference.” Just hearing his voice took some of the worries away. Not knowing where he was or how he was faring set her teeth on edge.  </p><p>“Yeah, tell me about it. I’ve lost contact with the Normandy. What’s your…” electronic noise blurred out Vega’s next words. </p><p>“I didn’t read that, James. Repeat.” She was almost shouting, as if the volume of her voice would help him hear her better. She may not be an electronics genius but she knew it was more out of panic that her voice cracked and she nearly groaned. This was not the time to let her feelings cloud her mind. </p><p>This time only a garbled noise came through. </p><p>“Dammit!” Where was EDI when she needed her? Almost laughing to herself, she shook her head. It was hard not to think of EDI as a person sometimes. Yet, she knew the AI would be doing everything in her power to reach her and James on the shuttle. </p><p>She had to push forward and hope that he would be there to meet her on the other side. The storm was over them now and there would be no hope of her relaying where they were but he was smart.  Smart enough to follow the gunfire at least. He may not be able to hear it but she was certain this fight was just beginning. The tram was in an open-air breezeway. If they made it there, James could at least follow their activity. </p><p> </p><p>Try as he might, James couldn’t get back through to Shepard. There had been that small glimmer of hope as she answered his fifth hail but the storm had interfered before he could get a lock on her location. The shuttle rocked and swayed as he tried to maintain a steady position. He could barely see through the window and the visibility was lessening by the second. </p><p>If Shepard didn’t contact him soon, he was going to be in a world of hurt trying to find their final destination. The Archives was a massive building. He pulled up a map of the facility, seeing that there were many R&amp;D labs and a host of other rooms. Most he couldn’t fathom the use of, but just past the tram station, there was a large room labeled storage. It was just as likely that they were headed there than anywhere else, so he set his course for the far side of the facility as he battled the winds to keep his trajectory.</p><p> </p><p>Dr. Eva Core, they had found their Cerberus mole. Not much was known about the doctor, only that she had shown up a week before this moment and Liara beat herself up for not catching on to her machinations. Shepard tried to quell her friend’s rising fear that she had allowed this to happen. Cerberus agents were clever, more so than most wanted to believe. It was why they were recruited. </p><p>Shepard’s hand on the young Asari’s shoulder, did more to center her than words could. But it also made the girl flinch. Her head cocked in the direction of Major Alenko. Altea didn’t have to ask Liara where her mind was, she had been aware for quite some time that Liara cared for her, far beyond friendship. She had always seen Kaidan as the person who got in her way to Shepard’s affections. </p><p>It wasn’t true. Kaidan was the one she had fallen for, but Shepard and Liara had little in common. The Asari didn’t appreciate her humor or her capacity for violence. She was always soft, tender and Altea needed a firm hand, a strong presence to shoulder the burden of her ceaseless propensity for danger. She needed someone like James Vega. </p><p>James understood what it was like to be in her shoes. He had been forced to make decisions as she would. Few could stand by her side and say the same. She had Garrus but their friendship was more important to her than testing the waters of a romantic relationship. There was no Shepard without Vakarian, yet she couldn’t push herself to make that leap. And James wasn’t only strong in mind and body, he had a good heart. His ‘date’ proved that much. </p><p>Liara mistook the small smile that feathered her lips. “The Major has become… quite capable.”</p><p>She chuckled, “That he has.” </p><p>And that was the truth. Kaidan had proven to be useful during their run through the facility and his biotics seemed to have improved since the last time they fought together. She studied Kaidan for a moment but she couldn’t get past the earlier argument. She wondered if he would ever trust her again. And what the hell was he doing on her ship if this was how he felt about her? She shook her head, realizing he had no choice. This was now his mission, too. </p><p>“Shepard, I found something,” Kaidan shouted from the room adjacent to where Liara sat attempting to override the tram controls. </p><p>“What have you got?” Altea approached the Major and then bent down to take a knee beside him. This close, she wondered if he would use it as another reason, another moment to attack her for past decisions. </p><p>“He’s got a transmitter in his helmet.” Kaidan bent to remove the dead soldier’s helmet and retrieve the communicator. Seeing the face underneath, he took a step back. “My god. He looks like a husk.”</p><p>It was true. Whatever was inside the Cerberus uniform didn’t look quite human. But Altea was familiar with what the worst of the indoctrinated could look like. It wasn’t something she wanted to give voice to, especially in current company. What had the Illusive Man got himself into? This was bad. If he was indoctrinating his employees, how was he faring? She didn’t care for the man but he was a dangerous enemy and if he was also unstable… well, it didn’t bode well. </p><p>“Cerberus, they’d do this to their own guy?” Kaidan shot her a look that she could only deem unsettled. </p><p>She couldn’t deny that the sight in front of them was worrying but that didn’t seem to be what he thinking about. He gave her a cursory once over, his hand reaching up to cover his face after a moment. </p><p>“Is this what they did to you?” He gestured to the body that was now between them.</p><p>“How can you compare me to him,” she barked. She’d had enough of his accusations and surely he had to see that this was ridiculous. </p><p>“Shepard, I don’t know what you are, or who. Not since Cerberus rebuilt you. For all I know, you could be a puppet controlled by the Illusive Man, himself.” There was anger mixed with confusion on his face. He wanted her to answer but he didn’t know what he was asking. </p><p>The words rang in her ears, an echo of the letter he’d sent to her. “Kaidan…”</p><p>He cut her off and turned to walk away. “Don’t try to explain it. I don’t think I’d understand anyway.” He paused, turning back to face her. “I just want to know is the person I followed to hell and back, the person that I loved… are you still in there?”</p><p>Why did he push? It was over between them. Had been over for three years. The woman he loved may be a bit changed but that was more so due to his actions and the influence of Jack than anything Cerberus did. “They didn’t change me Kaidan. And they did not affect how I feel about you now. But words won’t convince you, will they?”</p><p>“Probably not.” He sighed deeply. It seemed that he was as tired of this fight as she was but he didn’t know how to let it go. </p><p>“I didn’t think so. You were always stubborn.” The smile she wore as she tried to bring the Major back down to reality was false but she knew that trying to joke with him could prove that she was still the same person. </p><p>“Me?” He chuckled, which was what Altea wanted. </p><p>Yet, she couldn’t find the energy to maintain this ruse and she didn’t feel like coddling him through the next few minutes, or however long it took them to reach the Archives. “Come on, let’s find out what Cerberus is up to. Maybe we will both get some answers.”</p><p>As Kaidan walked away, Altea crossed her arms in front of her, giving the universal sign for ‘suck it’ and stuck out her tongue. Just because she knew how to play the diplomat didn’t mean she always had to enjoy it. And right now, she wanted to get on with the mission. Diffuse the situation, move on, deal with the fall out later. </p><p> </p><p>James was growing weary of being tossed about like a rag doll as he tried unsuccessfully to hone in on Shepard’s location. Usually, flights didn’t bother him but this one, he was on the verge of getting seasick… airsick. He wasn’t sure what the proper term was for it, all he knew was that if he didn’t find Altea soon, he’d have to land and purge the tide rolling in his gut. </p><p>Searching the horizon, he tried to find any sign or signal that the Commander had made it to her desired destination. As he was about to give up hope, red plumes of fire, followed by the pitch-black smoke of explosives could be seen coming from the tram rail. It had to be her. Those weren’t the type of explosives they had brought with them but he would bet money it had been Cerberus’s way of trying to stop them. </p><p>Turning the shuttle back to the tram station, he tried to catch sight of their small team but through the smoke and the storm, all he could make out were greyish figures. He wasn’t even sure that he could be seen through the dense dust storm. He knew he had to try and signal, find some way to let Altea know he was there, he saw her. But there wasn’t anything he could think to do. His only hope now would be to find the Cerberus shuttle before it took off. If it took off. There was a good chance that Altea would make it to the Archives in time to stop them. This was her thing after all. Commander Shepard swoops in to save the day. It was the reason she had always been his hero. It was the reason that he had spent his whole life trying to emulate her in some way. She would get there and she was relying on him to cover her six. He couldn’t fail her now. </p><p> </p><p>Altea, Liara, and Kaidan entered the Archives. It had been a battle to get there, yet, the Archives itself was quiet. It was hard to believe that they could have beaten Cerberus there with the head start they had but as they looked around, nothing seemed to be amiss. Before them stood what seemed to be an artifact similar to the Prothean beacon Shepard had encountered years ago. It was encased in glass, so she wasn’t afraid of connecting with the artifact this time but it did make her wonder if the quiet was because they were too late. </p><p>“Shepard,” an all too familiar voice spoke from just behind her. </p><p>Altea and Liara drew their weapons and turned to find, not the Illusive Man but the projection that she was accustomed to seeing. Never did he appear before her in person. Was he afraid? Or was there another reason? She was never really sure. What she did know, now, was that this was indeed Cerberus and not some outlying sect of the corporation. </p><p>She nodded to Kaidan, telling him to make a sweep of the perimeter just before the Illusive Man started to speak again.</p><p>“Fascinating race, the Protheans. They left all of this for us to discover but we squandered it. The Alliance has known about the Archives for over thirty years and what have they done with it?” The false cigarette dangling from his fingers dripped blue ash onto the floor and then dissipated as if it were never there. </p><p>The Illusive Man stared at her as if wanting a response but Altea had lost all respect for the man after the Collector base and stood with her arms crossed over her chest, one eyebrow raised. If he wished to continue, fine. If not, she would turn around and proceed with retrieving the data she had come for. </p><p>Expectedly, he sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose but continued, “The data in these artifacts holds the key to solving the Reaper threat.”</p><p>“I’ve seen your solution. Your people are turned into monsters.” The image of the man/husk thing that she and Kaidan had encountered would be something she’d have trouble shaking from her mind later. </p><p>“Hardly. They are being improved.” His proud demeanor and off-hand gestures told her that he thought he was speaking the truth.</p><p>“Improved?” How the hell could he think that? Yet, she knew the answer. Still, she wouldn’t say it out loud. The evidence was there in front of her but just knowing that he had taken that one step too far at the Collector base… Indoctrination wasn’t something to be taken lightly. He could have simply gone mad. </p><p>“That’s what separates us, Shepard. Where you see a means to destroy, I see a way to control. To dominate and harness the Reapers power. Imagine how strong humanity could be if we controlled them.”</p><p>Altea shook her head. He wanted to control something that had the power to destroy everything in its path. Should she be so surprised? The man was nothing if not ambitious. He had proven that with his Lazarus project and again with sending her to take down humanity’s biggest threat. “Earth is under siege and you’re hatching a scheme to control the Reapers?” </p><p>“You’ve always been short-sighted, hasty. Your decision to destroy the Collector base proved that.”</p><p>She would not apologize for that. There may be things in her past that were regrettable but that was not one of them. “That base was an abomination. Hundreds of thousands of humans were murdered there.”</p><p>Taking another drag on his cigarette, he eyed Altea as if thinking on her words but dismissed them quickly. “This isn’t your fight any longer, Shepard. You can’t defeat the Reapers, even with the Prothean data. </p><p>“Work with me. Give me control of your resources and I’ll stop them.” She knew it was a long shot but she had to hope that even he was worth saving. They had done something amazing together. They had never seen eye to eye but that didn’t mean that she couldn’t do what she’d done before and use his resources for her own means. </p><p>“You’d do better than most but the odds aren’t in your favor. More importantly, I don’t want the Reapers destroyed. We can use them, dominate their power, use their very essence to bring humanity to the apex of evolution.” He was beginning to grow irritated. It didn’t matter. She could antagonize him all she wanted. What could he do? Probably more than she anticipated, he was a dangerous man with many lackeys, but here, now, he was just a projection.</p><p>“You’ve gone too far. The Reapers will kill us all if we don’t stop fighting each other.”</p><p>“I don’t expect you to understand and I’m certainly not looking for your approval.” Yet, he paused and considered her for a moment. There was something about the way he looked at her that said, this may not be the full truth. “You were a tool. An agent with a singular purpose. Despite our differences, you were relatively successful. But like the rest of the relics in this place, your time is over. </p><p>“Enough talk! Liara.” She nodded her head to the console, telling her to get on with it. This conversation was over and they needed to get what they came for and leave. This Prothean device would either help or it wouldn’t but they wouldn’t know if they didn’t get what was stored here and have it examined. </p><p>“Don’t interfere with my plans, Shepard. I won’t warn you again.” He jabbed his fingers at her, but the gesture lost some of its threat as the image wavered, reminding her and him that he wasn’t really there. </p><p>Altea raised an eyebrow and smirked, “Duly noted.”</p><p>“Shepard,” Laira called from the console. </p><p>“What?” She hadn’t meant to practically yell at the girl but her ire was at an all-time high. Between Kaidan and the Illusive Man, she was ready to see some heads roll. </p><p>“The data, it’s not here. It’s being erased.” Liara met her eyes with panic coursing over her blue skin. This wasn’t good. </p><p>“Dammit, how’s he doing it?” Altea approached the console trying to determine if there was something the Asari had missed. It wasn’t likely, T’Soni was usually very thorough but here, they couldn’t risk her not eliminating any and all possibilities. </p><p>“It’s local, someone’s uploading the information.” </p><p>Just then, Kaidan’s voice rang out from the other side of the room. “Step away from the console.”</p><p> </p><p>The storm was beginning to clear and James could now see the exit to the facility. He was still battling the high winds but that he could handle. Just as he rounded to the exit that had been his goal the entire time, he saw the Cerberus shuttle. It and… Altea. She was on the roof of the facility. He tried tracking her movements, but every time he would catch sight of her, the shuttle would rock just enough that he’d lose her again. </p><p>“James, you read me?” Her voice came through, loud and clear.</p><p>“Yes, where are you? I keep losing sight of you.”</p><p>“Cerberus has the data!” </p><p>“What is your location?” </p><p>“Radio the Normandy! Get them down here now.” </p><p>James could tell that even though he could hear her just fine, she must not be able to hear him. She wasn’t answering him but giving orders. He ground his teeth as he hailed the Normandy one more time. “EDI, get your ass down here. We are about to lose the data.”</p><p>“En route, Lieutenant Vega. What is your position?” </p><p>James flipped on the shuttle’s emergency beacon but in doing so, the shuttle rocked. His slight negligence of the controls almost made him lose control of the shuttle entirely. This was getting bad. He was running out of time and options. He had to do something. Shepard was relying on him. And if he didn’t keep his eye on her, he was likely to fail. </p><p>“She’s getting away!” </p><p>James tried to think of something, anything. He would not let Cerberus win. He would not let Altea down but there, on the roof was the shuttle and the woman Shepard had been chasing was making a hasty beeline for the opened hatch door. </p><p>Bearing down, there was only one option. He pushed the controls forward and aimed the nose of his shuttle for the Cerberus one. </p><p> </p><p>“Dammit! James! Normandy! Anybody!” She was calling for help but no one was answering. The shuttle was taking flight and… holy hell. </p><p>“I got this one,” she heard James shout just before the two shuttles collided. </p><p>The Cerberus shuttle careened into a tailspin. The move was effective but just as Altea was ready to celebrate their victory, the shuttle spun coming straight for them. She dove out of the way, as did Liara and Kaidan. For Kaidan, it wasn’t enough. As Altea got to her feet, she noticed the Major slumped over. Liara was trying to assist him in standing but he was also limping pretty badly. </p><p>James shuttle landed next to them and Altea’s only thought was, get Kaidan to safety and get the data. She couldn’t think too much about the fact that they came in that order. </p><p>“Normandy’s en route. They’ll be here soon.” James was brushing debris off of his suit and Altea stood with her arms crossed over her chest, glaring at him. </p><p>“We need the data,” Liara prompted. And Kaidan pushed away from the Asari, now able to stand on his own. </p><p>Altea was thankful for that. Whatever had happened must have just rattled him a bit. She knew that his L2 implant wasn’t the best and sometimes taking a hit took more of a toll on him than it should. But he was moving fine as he turned back to the Cerberus shuttle. </p><p>Just as he was about to enter the shuttle, the door was blown from its hinges. If Altea didn’t know better, she’d have said an explosion caused it but there was no concussive blast, the metal just went flying off. The reason why emerged from the flames, charred and horrifying. Dr. Eva Core was not a person. She was an android. A fully functioning AI with a body. </p><p>Kaidan drew his weapon but the mech was fast. She blocked his shots then lifted him by his helmet, feet dangling in the air. “Orders?”</p><p>She had touched the side of her head, indicating that she was speaking to someone on the other end. Yet, in the shock of the moment, Altea froze. It wasn’t like her to do so but the sight of a mech holding up someone she cared about made her unable to move. </p><p>Finally, she pulled her gun, “Let him go.” She tried to line up a shot but the mech was smart, each time she put Kaidan’s body between her and the gun. </p><p>Then she turned and slammed Kaidan into the side of the shuttle over and over, each concussion causing tears to well in Altea’s eyes. As much as they had fought, she couldn’t handle seeing someone she cared about being abused in such a way. She… she was watching him die. </p><p>With a fierce growl, she now had her sights set on the AI. She would pay. Altea dropped the gun. This was personal. Her biotics flared to life and in the blink of an eye, she crossed the space between them and threw the mech with a massive biotic punch. Altea didn’t like to showcase her biotics. She preferred weapons but there were times, such as this, where she couldn’t contain the energy inside of her. She had trained her whole life to keep it in check and she wasn’t some overpowered being like Jack. It was easy to hide the L5n implant, much easier than Kaidan’s L2. But this wasn’t a moment to hold back. She would tear the mech apart, just as Jack would.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. All For Believing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Altea and James make their way to the Citadel after their mission to Mars. Altea needs James' support after watching her former lover being tossed about like a rag doll. The Council refuses to assist. James and Altea take the first step in trying to get back to what they were before the Reapers hit. </p><p>Chapter title song reference - All For Believing - Missy Higgins</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Altea couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t think. Blood pounded in her ears. There were so many voices surrounding her but it was nothing but white noise. She stared at the broken, dying body before her and froze. Her heart felt as if it may pound its way out of her chest. Kaidan was dying. His body lies motionless on the med-bay gurney. Was he breathing? She couldn’t tell. Was this really happening? </p><p>It wasn’t until someone gripped her shoulders and spun her around that she was able to process any of it. She stared into the deep brown eyes but she couldn’t speak. She knew those eyes. Yet. her mind couldn’t focus on them. Her head trying to force its way back to the man on the table. Liquid, tears, made her vision swim. She blinked them away to find his lips were moving. She watched them, trying to make sense of the noises coming from them but all she could hear was her own voice, “Kaidan! No!”</p><p>She tried to turn back to the table, to force the hand holding her to release. She needed to see the reality of it but his fingers gripped her chin, digging into her jawbone as he attempted to keep her eyes on his face. </p><p>Again, the brown eyes came into focus. They were softer this time. And his lips, those were soft too. She leaned into the gloved hand, giving up the fight and seeking a different route. Not soft but needed. She could feel the press of his gauntlet but as she gave into the touch, his grip loosened. </p><p>“There she is.” </p><p>The brown eyes left her vision for a moment causing her to turn to him, search for him again. If she wasn’t allowed to look at the body, she needed an anchor point. Something. Her breathing grew short. Panic set in and her heart began to race. She closed her eyes as a tightness spread in her chest. But his hand returned. She opened her eyes and found his brown eyes once more. </p><p>“Liara, tell Joker to head to the Citadel.” She heard the words but couldn’t stop looking at him, watching his lips move as he spoke. Focus, just breathe. </p><p>The hand moved away from her face and she felt an arm snake its way around her waist. </p><p>“Joker does not take commands from me.” The Asari crossed her arms over her chest and eyed the pair suspiciously. Shepard turned to look at her. But James pulled her back into his large chest. </p><p>“Look, she’s in shock. Unless you want to slap her, we need to find a nicer way to get her out of it and Kaidan to the hospital.” He glared at her. His eyes saying he was taking command of this situation in the only way he knew how. This was not how he wanted things to go either and he was unwilling to leave Altea until he knew she was okay. </p><p>The stare-off continued until she queued up the cockpit. </p><p>“Joker, Kaidan needs medical attention, now. Shepard is… not handling it well. We need to head to the Citadel.” After a few moments and an affirmative nod, she walked up to James with her hands held out. She wanted to be the one to care for Altea. He knew enough about the doctor to know she wasn’t entirely altruistic in her concern for the Commander. </p><p>James shook his head. He could handle this but someone had to be in charge. With the Commander in the state she was in and the Major out of commission, he didn’t want to think that it may be him. He was not ready for that kind of responsibility again. His shuttle crash should have told everyone that. Yet, he had known he couldn’t let the AI get away with the info. The AI that Altea had insisted on being brought aboard the Normandy. “Don’t worry about it, Doc. I’ll handle her. Just do what you need to do to make sure we can get onto the Citadel and get Kaidan the help he needs.”</p><p>“I’m not Alliance, Mr. Vega.” The Asari stood with her arms crossed over her chest and her hip cocked to the side. As much as she didn’t like this course of action, she wasn’t arguing with him and that was enough.</p><p>“And I’m not leaving her.” Wrapping his arm tighter around Altea, he headed for the elevator doors. </p><p> </p><p>Altea held a cup of warm coffee in her hands. Her blanket was wrapped around her shoulders and at her feet was the most beautiful man she’d ever laid eyes on. Okay, so maybe that wasn’t true but he was still handsome. And if he was going to sit on the floor and rub her feet, she’d tell him he was definitely in the top five, at least. She had to admit, she wasn’t sure how she’d ended up here, like this or how she’d taken off her armor. But looking around the room, she saw the remnants of undressing. It had to have been James. </p><p>“Hey, Lola. Feeling better?” James smirked but she could see a hint of agitation in the set of his eyes. </p><p>“I…” her voice croaked. She cleared her throat and tried again. “How bad?”</p><p>James sighed and dropped her foot. “I won’t lie to you. He’s as stable as Liara could get him but we are headed to the Citadel. She hopes the doctors there will be able to do more.”</p><p>Altea took a deep, shaky breath. Kaidan, it seemed, might survive. The image of him being slammed against the hull of the shuttle flashed in her mind and she jerked at the image, spilling coffee down her hands and onto her leggings. She tried to wipe it away but only succeeded at making a bigger mess. But, there was James, towel in hand, and taking the steaming mug from her. He patted gently along her thighs to get the beading liquid to sop away and then took her hands in his and wiped away what remained there. </p><p>When her hands were clean, she lifted them to cover her face. “So much death. This is just the beginning and… so much.” Tears slid down her cheeks and she did nothing to stop them. She didn’t want to hold them back anymore. “People around me tend to get hurt or worse. How am I supposed to protect them?” How was she supposed to protect him? </p><p>“Altea.”</p><p>She started again at the use of her given name. No Lola, no Commander, not even Shepard. It was almost odd hearing it come from anyone, let alone James. It gave her pause, made her reassess her surroundings. What had happened? She remembered Kaidan but then what? </p><p>Blue, like electricity. A flash and then the AI was off of her feet. Shit, shit, shit, she thought. She had used her biotics. And she’d used them in front of James. Kaidan, Jack, they had nothing to say on that front because they were biotic themselves. Had she just shown the man she was starting to care for her true self? That she was a freak? </p><p>Being a Vanguard and having a dampened L5n implant, thanks to Cerberus, meant that she wouldn’t glow in anger or with a show of high emotion but it didn’t change the fact that a small part of her was ‘other’ and it always would be. What did he think of her now? She’d known for some time that James had admired her long before meeting her. He didn’t hide it well but she’d had her fill of rejection. She’d been set apart all of her life. First, because she was a biotic. Second, because she always out-performed her colleagues. Third, and the freshest one, she was partially cybernetic. Only a few people knew to what extent but she could now generate nearly impenetrable shields, take out men in a single blow, toss Vega like he was nothing. </p><p>Turning her face away from his, she lifted the blanket to shield whatever look he was giving her from her sight. She didn’t want to see that he now thought she was different. She didn’t want to face another fight as she’d had with Kaidan.</p><p>James’ fingers tugged at the edge of the black fluff. “Don’t hide from me. What’s wrong?”</p><p>She let out a soft chuckle. As if he didn’t know. Slowly, she lowered her makeshift shield. “Do you think less of me now?”</p><p>“Lola, I don’t know what the hell you are talking about but hell no. Why would I ever think less of you?” There was a deep-set confusion in his eyes. He searched her face for some sign, some clue as to what she was thinking. </p><p>“You don’t think I’m a freak?” She let a tiny mass effect field generate around her hand. Not enough to do any real damage but enough to show him what she meant. </p><p>James’ eyes shifted from confusion to concern and she almost pulled away. Taking her hand in his, he placed a kiss along her knuckles. “To be perfectly honest, it kinda tingles. I like it.” </p><p>She knew better than to shove him away while her biotics were engaged but it was tempting. “Oh, you do, do you?” </p><p>“Want me to show you?” There was a devilish grin creeping along his lips. </p><p>She chuckled and it was genuine this time. “You’re an idiot, Vega.” But she pushed herself from the chair and kissed his full lips. Dropping to her knees, she knelt in front of him and his arms slid around her as he deepened the kiss. His tongue traced her lower lip, asking entry and she opened for him. </p><p> </p><p>Dios, this woman, James thought. What kind of person could ever think that Altea Shepard was a freak? With her lips on his, he was beginning to think this woman was it. There could be no other after her. And that thought had him pulling back. She had just nearly lost someone she cared about, even if she was angry with him. And here he was making crude jokes and making out with her. Fuck if he didn’t have the worst timing in the world. </p><p>He was supposed to be bringing her back down not trying to have sex with her. But was that what he was doing? He’d meant to make her laugh. It was true that the biotics had made him all tingly in unexpected ways but should he have said that? He was horrible. </p><p>“Okay, Vega. Now, something’s bothering you?” Altea had her arms wrapped around his shoulders. Her hazel eyes lit with humor and lust. But still, James found himself wondering if this was the right moment to start something that neither one of them were sure they could finish. </p><p>He knew these next few days were going to be emotional. And he found himself back in the cell with her the night she was drunk. She had been lonely. And now, was this any different?</p><p>Instead of voicing those fears, he smiled. “So, biotics need more food than most people, right? Something about generating mass effect fields saps your calorie reserves. Why don’t we go see if there’s something we can scrounge together in the kitchen?”</p><p>She grinned, seemingly seeing through his ruse but willing to follow along anyway. “Alright, help me up.” She lifted her hand as he stood.</p><p>“Not getting old on me now, are you Shep?” </p><p>She punched him in the shoulder, hard enough he was left rubbing it when they entered the elevator. </p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>As the doors to Huerta Memorial opened, Altea gripped James’ hand tightly. Commander Bailey and that was still odd to say, had sent Kaidan ahead of them while he informed her and her crew that the council was not ready for them. It was all Altea needed to hear. If they couldn’t make her requests a priority, then she would see to her friend. </p><p>This wasn’t the place she wanted to visit. She had never hoped to grace these halls for any reason but being in the facility now, knowing that Kaidan was in one of the beds, made her heart race. </p><p>No-one stopped them as they made their way through the hospital and it was becoming apparent that all of them were way too busy dealing with their own problems. There were injured lining the halls. Turians, Salarians, Asari, and humans. So, Earth wasn’t the only place that had been hit. It was simply the first. Altea took a deep steadying breath as she maneuvered her and James around the bodies and personnel. </p><p>Once they entered the hospital’s decontamination chamber, she turned to James. She tried to smile, to show some sign that she was okay, that she could handle what she was about to see but his soft eyes and his knowing nod made tears once again brim in her eyes. He squeezed her hand, letting her know he was there. He would help her through this but it did little to quiet the thought that this was her fault. People around her got hurt. </p><p>Her eyes dropped to their entwined hands and she wondered, for a moment, if she was submitting James to this same fate. Her fingers played desperately over his. She didn’t want that for any of her friends. She wanted it less for those she truly cared about. Those she could see herself having a relationship with, or those she’d had a relationship with in the past.  </p><p>The decontamination ended and they exited into the main hospital. Altea looked for a reception desk but every corner, every bit of floor, and every desk was being used by those injured so far in this war. But then, her eyes lit on a silver bob that she recognized all too well and a matching brown bob adjacent to her. </p><p> </p><p>Releasing James’ hand, Altea made a beeline for the silver-haired woman. “Doctor Chakwas!” </p><p>Altea wrapped her arms around the Normandy’s former med-bay resident. James saw the woman smile and settle into Altea’s arms like a mother to a daughter. James knew that Hannah Shepard still lived. But Altea had mentioned that Karin Chakwas was like a mother to the entire crew of the Normandy. She was a hen in a bevy of cocks, Altea’s words, not his. Altea cared for her crew but she was less a mother figure and more a big sister or babysitter at times. Or, at least, that was what he’d seen so far.</p><p>“What are you doing on the Citadel?” Shepard asked as she released the woman with a genuine smile on her face. </p><p>“I’m working at an Alliance R&amp;D lab in the Shalta Wards, coordinating closely with Admiral Hackett. I heard you escaped Earth in the Normandy and that Kaidan was critically injured. I came as fast as I could.” She took Altea’s hands then, holding onto them and rubbing her thumbs along her knuckles. It was an intimate gesture but one that Altea welcomed. The soft look in her eyes spoke volumes. She knew what Kaidan was, had been, to Shepard.</p><p>Altea sighed, “How is he doing?”</p><p>Doctor Chakwas smiled, “Very well, all things considered. I’m impressed with Major Alenko’s resilience, as well as Doctor Michel’s expertise.” She nodded to the younger doctor and Altea gave her a thankful smile. </p><p>“I wish I could have been there to help on Mars.”</p><p>“The Normandy needs you, Doctor. Your place is in Normandy’s med-bay, not some lab.” They shared a look that James could only assume was their acknowledgment that had she been there, neither of them would be here. </p><p>“I couldn’t agree more. You say the word and I’m with you.” She gave Altea’s hands one last squeeze before standing at attention to await orders. </p><p>“The Normandy wouldn’t be the same without you, Doctor. Pack your things and meet us in docking bay D24.” </p><p>She nodded. “Yes, Commander. And, thank you.”</p><p>Altea chuckled, “Don’t thank me, yet. Joker is still on board.”</p><p>The doctor sighed, “And I’d be surprised if he’s been remembering his medication.”</p><p>They shared a laugh before the doc took off but their short conversation seemed to do more to lift Altea’s spirits than anything James had done. It was a hard truth to face but he didn’t know her as well as most of the people she’d served with. They had years of experience in dealing with Altea’s ups and downs and even more experience with her in combat situations. They would know what to do to help her get through this experience with Kaidan. </p><p>Still, once the doc left, it was his hand she reached for. It was his strength she needed. She hadn’t asked Liara or Joker to join her, she’d asked him. That was something to consider. James had known that their friendship had become more throughout her incarceration but they’d never discussed what was going to happen once she was released. This was all new to both of them. In her anger, she’d told him to find a ride home once they got here but after the attack on Kaidan, she’d seemingly changed her mind. </p><p>He’d apologized for his outburst but it hadn’t seemed enough. She was still angry, still hurt. And now, with Kaidan hospitalized, she was an emotional wreck. Altea had told him before that she was no longer in love with the Major but he was beginning to question if her feelings had changed. She held his hand but James could feel the tension in her body, saw the shock that had set in when she thought he may die. You didn’t react that way to someone you didn’t care about. </p><p>Approaching the door to his room, Altea took a deep breath. She shook the nerves from her body and closed her eyes. James had seen her do this before, it was a habit she had when going into battle, when sparring with him. She was preparing to fight, but what was she fighting?</p><p>Kaidan’s body was bruised from head to… waist. James was thankful that the blanket was at least covering the rest of him, as it seemed his under armor may have been cut away. He watched as Altea examined his body. She even reached out to touch some of the blackened places, his face, his ribs, his hip. But James let out a sigh of relief when the only look in her eye was a clinical examination. She wasn’t admiring his nearly naked form. There was no fire in her eyes, only sadness. </p><p>“Kaidan,” she started as if he could hear her. “Oh, god…” She paused and squeezed James’ hand again, looking to him for some sign, some comfort. He nodded for her to continue. “It’s hard seeing you like this. I don’t know if you can hear me, but since you can’t tell me to get the hell out, either, I’m gonna take my chances. Don’t. Die. Kaidan. You have got to fight. We need you in this.” This time she stepped forward and placed her other hand on his arm. </p><p>“Seeing you in action again, it reminded me that you are one hell of a soldier. The Alliance could sure use you. I… could use you.” She squeezed his arm, careful to find a spot that wasn’t bruised or broken. </p><p>James pulled her back and wrapped his arms around her, placing a kiss on her forehead but the moment was interrupted as Kaidan’s on-call doctor walked through the door. She turned to him, “You need anything doc, just let me know.”</p><p>The doctor nodded and began checking Kaidan’s vitals. James took Altea’s hand to escort her out to the Council but Altea wasn’t quite done. “Come on Kaidan, fight! And that’s an order.” </p><p>“He’ll be alright, Lola. Best docs in space.” James knew it was an empty platitude but he’d heard what Chakwas said. She thought Kaidan would be fine. Altea just needed the reassurance of that. </p><p> </p><p>-------------------------------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>“Well, that was about as useful as a bag of dicks.” Altea couldn’t believe the council was willing to write off their plan so quickly. She knew better than to be truly surprised and if she were a lesser person, she may have wondered why she had bothered to save their lives. They were a useless bunch of diplomats and nothing she, Liara, or James had said could convince them of the dire situation the galaxy faced. </p><p>“These pendejo politicians want to sit up here and act like nothing is going on. That’s what I hate about this place. It’s almost easy to forget what’s going on back home.” James shrugged his shoulders and rolled his neck, letting the tension pop and his muscles release. </p><p>“Still wanting to catch a ride back?” Altea asked as they made their way to the elevator leading out of the embassies. </p><p>“Nah, Lola. I mean, yeah, I want to go home and fight but I see now, that’s not where I’ll be most useful. Not yet, anyway.” They stepped into the elevator and he took her hand. It was one thing to hold onto him as she faced Kaidan, but another to have his hand in hers just to hold it. </p><p>She could feel the tell-tale blush creeping into her cheeks as his warmth settled into her hand. It was ridiculous. Why was she embarrassed to be holding his hand? She wasn’t fifteen and this wasn’t some school-girl crush. This was James. The man she had spent months with, living almost as a couple for over a month. But, still, the newness of his hand in hers in a public space made her giddy and slightly uncomfortable. </p><p>“I… uh. I’m headed back to the Normandy. I want to change out of this uniform and I need to do some shopping. Want to meet me at Apollo’s and we can get some dinner?” She couldn’t meet his eyes as she asked. It wasn’t like she was offering to go on a date with him. They’d shared dinner more times than she could count. Yet, she wanted him to say yes. She wanted to find that casual rhythm with him again.</p><p>“Sure, Lola.” He pressed the buttons for both the Presidium and the Docking Bay. </p><p>When he released her hand and stepped out of the elevator she felt almost bereft. It was stupid but she didn’t like being away from him. After spending six months in confinement with him, she would think that some space would be a good thing. Yet, here she was wondering why she needed to change clothes. Her uniform was almost like a part of her, melded as well as her skin but it wasn’t how she had ever been with James. With him, she’d been the person she was outside of the uniform.</p><p> </p><p>-----------------------------------</p><p>James wandered the Presidium for a while, checking out the shops and finding Apollo’s. This place was not what he was used to. He was already missing the green of the grass, the real air. Here, everything was metal and plastic. Sure there was the false lake and the presence of plants but it wasn’t the same as eating in one of the restaurants that lined the beaches of San Diego. The flash-fried crab legs, the stands of freshly made tortillas, the sun pulsing down from above. Everything here screamed artificial. </p><p>Everything except the woman now walking towards him. Altea never failed to surprise him. Whether it was her show of biotics or her genuine and open personality. But seeing her now, in a pair of skin-tight jeans, a leather jacket, and a cropped white tee, he was again reminded that there was much he didn’t know about Altea Shepard. In the months of her confinement, her wardrobe was all about comfort. He didn’t expect to one day see her looking like a biker chick from the 2020s.</p><p>“Let’s get some grub in our bellies,” she grumbled as she sat down and pulled her chair up to the table he’d acquired. </p><p>But James couldn’t stop staring. He’d seen her in a sports bra and leggings, so he shouldn’t be surprised by the show of skin around her midriff, nor should he be entranced by her hair flowing around her shoulders but he couldn’t take his eyes off of her.</p><p>“What,” she asked, shaking him out of his dream-like trance.</p><p>“Uhh, nothing. I… you look good, Lola. That’s all.” He lifted the menu to slightly cover his face and the blush he knew would be coloring his cheeks. He hadn’t looked it over while he waited, too distracted by the comings and goings of everyone else around him.</p><p>“Thanks, Vega. I’m starving. And I still need to do some shopping. Let’s eat.”</p><p>They shared their meal as if nothing had changed between them, talking about how the council was a bunch of jerks and about the next leg of their mission. The Turian ambassador had caught up with her later and told her how to get what she wanted from the council. They were going to head to Palaven. This got her talking about Garrus again, and Shepard told him about the story of “Archangel”. James had his doubts that all of it was true. Infiltrating the known gangs of Omega, taking down a gunship in tight quarters AND saving her friend from three of the largest gangs in the galaxy, all with only a little help from her friends. Yet, he knew the stories of Shepard and her rag-tag bunch. This would just be one of many stories he was sure he’d hear before the Reapers were destroyed. </p><p>After they finished their meal, Altea dragged him along on her shopping errands. Apparently, a few things were missing from her cabin. </p><p>Their first stop was a little shop that sold toiletries. Though, they were fancier than anything James would buy for himself. Altea sniffed and opened bottle after bottle looking for a scent she liked before settling on one that reminded him of the ocean. It was called “Salted Sands” and he tucked that information away for a later date because if Altea wanted to smell like something that reminded him of home, he’d be more than willing to oblige. </p><p>“I need to get a body pillow. But I’m not really sure where to find one.” She was searching the storefronts for either a home goods store or a furniture store but they weren’t coming up with anything. </p><p>“A body pillow?” James had never thought to get her something like that when she’d been locked up but she’d also never asked.</p><p>She shrugged and examined the map of the Presidium. “I like to cuddle.” </p><p>“You know, Lola. I’ve been told I’m pretty good at cuddling.” James leaned against the map, blocking her view.</p><p>“Uh hu,” she crossed her arms over her chest, making the crop top ease up a bit, flashing James a glimpse of her abs. “And how would that look to the rest of the crew? My Arms Master coming to sleep in my bed every night?”</p><p>She’d meant it as a joke but James felt the sting of it none-the-less. “You’re right. Forget it.”</p><p>“James,” she placed her hand on his arm and searched his eyes.</p><p>He tried not to look at her but she bobbed her head into his view every time he looked away. </p><p>“James, this is going to take some getting used to. From us, from everyone. Let’s ease into it, okay.” </p><p>James nodded. She was right. No matter how many times he thought about regulations and the fact that Altea was now his commanding officer, this was what they had become. They hadn’t named it, yet, but he knew there was more than friendship here. He knew that he would need to be cautious and careful for both of their sakes. But there was hope that this could be what he’d always hoped for. What he’d dreamed they could have.</p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Three Words on the Tip of My Tongue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Altea and James can't seem to fall on the same chapter. Yet, there's something between them. And it's time they figure it out.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Altea made her way to the shuttle bay. It wouldn’t be long before they left the Citadel and headed for Palaven. As the Normandy was undergoing the last of its undocking procedures, she generally left that to Joker, she wanted to make sure that things were right with her and James. The dinner they had shared was nice and the shopping was fun but it hadn’t ended on the highest note. And if she were being honest, she was still a little mad about his dive-bomb on the Cerberus shuttle. The Normandy had been equipped with two shuttles but they’d had to leave the one he’d crashed behind on Mars. Needless to say, he’d been demoted from shuttle pilot. </p><p>The man that honor went to now was Steve Cortez. Altea had been trying to meet the new members of her crew but she had yet to make her way down to say hi to the Lieutenant. She’d seen him in passing but wanted to introduce herself and get to know him since he’d be serving on her ship. The last few days had been nothing but rushing from place to place with not a lot to show for it. </p><p>She hoped Palaven would be different. If she could get the Turians to come back to Earth, she’d have a damn solid army. She wasn’t sure how they would fare against the Reapers but it was a start. And she couldn’t deny that she was dying for news of Garrus. Knowing that Palaven was under attack weighed on her just as much as Earth. And if he was alive, she may murder him herself. Why hadn’t he called to check-in? Hadn’t he heard about Earth? Could he not get a signal out? Where was he?</p><p>Stepping out of the elevator, she caught sight of James doing chin-ups. Of course, he was working out. She should have known the second she realized they’d moved her small gym to the cargo bay that James would take full advantage of it being right by his workspace. She watched as the muscles of his back and arms flexed and she had to admit, the small grunts coming from the man had her mind wandering to other exercises where those sounds would be heard.  </p><p>“Commander Shepard,” a husky voice called out to her. </p><p>She forced her eyes away from the show of muscle and strength to turn to the man who’d just said her name. His skin was dark and he sported an old-fashioned goatee. Yet, his eyes were a bright blue, making Altea wonder if the man wore contacts but that wasn’t the oddest thing about him. While she didn’t know the man, she could swear he was smirking at her. </p><p>Altea turned to him with her hand extended but when he just shook his head, she wondered if she had done something wrong. Pulling her hand back she tucked both of them into her pockets. An uncomfortable silence fell upon them as she tried to figure out what was going on. </p><p>“So, you and Mr. Vega.” It wasn’t a question.</p><p>Altea turned to James but he was still wrapped up in his workout and didn’t hear what Cortez had just said. What was he saying? Did he know about them? Were they that obvious? She’d tried her best not to show too much affection toward him in recent days. Yet, she had kind of asked him on a date. They’d left the Normandy together and returned together but they had decided to hold hands was for the Presidium and elevator and shouldn’t be brought onto the ship.</p><p>“I…” Altea paused, “what?”</p><p>He chuckled. “Don’t worry Commander. Your secret is safe with me. I was the one chuckling as you demanded noodles.” He then held his hand out for her to shake but it was her turn to hesitate. </p><p>Demanded… Ohh. She did recall calling James once, only to find him indulging in her favorite food. She tried to remember what she’d said that day but it was months ago. Had she given herself and them away so easily? </p><p>“Nothing to worry about, Commander. As I said, James and I are good friends. I wouldn’t want to see him or you get hurt because I couldn’t keep a secret. I just wanted you to know that I have been aware of what’s been going on with you. No need to hide it from me.” </p><p>Altea smirked and reached for his hand giving it a hearty shake.  “Is this where you tell me ‘hurt him and I’ll hurt you’?”</p><p>“Nah, I don’t think it will come to that. From what he’s told me, you’re both pretty smitten if you ask me.” Cortez crossed his arms over his chest and leaned his hip against the nearby console. He turned to James with a smirk but the big man still hadn’t realized that Altea was there. </p><p>Altea couldn’t help but laugh. Smitten? Maybe. But just the use of the word made her think of high-school crushes and romances destined for happy endings. This was far from that. Not that she didn’t think that there could be a happy ending for them but their story was far more likely to be tampered by constant battles and trying not to die. </p><p>“He is pretty great.” Altea felt a slight blush creep into her cheeks. As much as she tried to fight it, there was something with James. They had something more than either of them could or would define. Yet, what she wanted always seemed just a handspan out of her reach. </p><p>Just then, James dropped from the bar to rest and turned to face her and Cortez. He seemed about ready to yell something at the other Lieutenant when his eyes landed on her and he simply smiled. </p><p>Cortez took that as his queue to actually introduce himself. He was the shuttle pilot and the procurement officer. His list of credentials for both were long and the entire time they were chatting Cortez and Vega took opportunities to razz each other. He’d served in the Alliance for ten years. He could fly fighters and fix them and his knack for procurement would come in handy as Altea didn’t always like shopping for arms and armor on the Citadel. She’d rather spend her downtime reading or doing things she enjoyed. Not that the feel of a new gun wasn’t a thrill but it didn’t have the same appeal as it used to. </p><p>“So you maintain the Armory, too,” Altea questioned.</p><p>“I share that duty with our illustrious Mr. Vega. Though I think the only weapon he cares to maintain is himself.” The last he said loud enough to ensure that James heard. </p><p>“You know you love the show, Esteban.” James jumped for the bar again and made a show of grunting and pulling himself up. </p><p>Esteban, she knew that name. It hadn’t clicked before now but she remembered the night she spent talking about her friends. James had shared only one story with her that night. He had a friend on Fel Prime. The only friend he’d talked about. This was the man who’d lost his husband to a Collector attack. James had said that he tried to see him as much as possible to make sure he kept in good spirits and that he was doing better. So, she decided not to ask him about his family. Better to keep those things close to the vest with everything that was going on. </p><p>“Keep up the hard work. But don’t kill yourself. I’m going to need some help keeping this one in line.” She pointed a thumb in Vega’s direction. </p><p>Steve grinned, “Yes, Commander.” He gave Altea another salute and turned back to his work station leaving Altea to make her way to James. </p><p>He was still working on his next set when she crossed the space to his work station. Leaning up against the adjacent cargo crates, she decided she’d wait until he was finished. </p><p>“Hey, Lola. You ready to head to Palaven? I’ve never been to the Turian homeworld. Sounds like fun.” He grunted over the last few words as he continued to pump his body up and down.</p><p>“I don’t know about fun but I hope to hell Garrus is safe.” She didn’t need to say that she hoped all of her friends were safe. They’d covered that ground long before the Normandy set off from Earth. But there was that twinge of hope, regret, and something unknown even to her that settled in the back of her mind when she thought about the next few months. </p><p>“You come down here for somethin’, or you just lookin’?”</p><p>She knew he said it to take her mind off of wherever it had wandered to but she couldn’t help herself. “I did come to chat but I might just stay for the show.”</p><p>He grinned as he dropped from the bar. “What did you want to talk about?”</p><p>“The stunt on Mars.”</p><p>“Awe, shit. Now?”</p><p>“Now, Vega.”</p><p>He rolled his big arms, it was an endearing habit but she was starting to recognize what it meant and she nodded to the sparring ring just off the rear of the shuttle. Sighing, he followed her over. This was beginning to be a way to relieve tensions for both of them. They could talk about the hard stuff and blow off a little steam at the same time. It felt natural. Fighting their literal demons while taking blows from one another. Sparring had always been a release for her and to have someone else who felt the same just drove home that they were more alike than either would admit. </p><p>“Okay, Lola. Let’s do this.”</p><p>They squared off, just as before but neither of them held back this time. They’d danced this dance before. </p><p>“That stunt back on Mars was reckless.” She blocked his coming blow and landed a hit to his ribs. “You’re lucky to be alive.”</p><p>He took the blow and backed off a bit. “So.”</p><p>That brought Altea’s blood to a simmer. How could he talk like that after everything they’d just been through? “So… Maybe you don’t care if you live or die.”</p><p>His guard dropped then and Altea almost regretted the words. “Lola, I…”</p><p>No, she didn’t want to hear his excuses. She wanted to set things straight. She needed him to know she didn’t want to do this without him. He couldn’t be so reckless when he carried… no, she didn’t want to go there either. He was her friend. She needed him and that was that.</p><p>Using her biotic speed, she laid into him, forcing him back with each blocked blow. “You. Can’t. Act. Like. Your. Life. Doesn’t. Matter.” Each word punctuated by another swing of her arm, another jab. </p><p>When she had him nearly to the wall, she dropped her guard. “Because it does matter, James. It matters to me.”</p><p>He seized his opportunity and gripped her arms, forcing her into the metal wall with her arms pinned behind her back. “Does it, Lola?” His breath drifted hotly across her earlobe and down her neck. </p><p>She had to gulp past the feeling of desire that coursed through her as his body pressed harder into hers, waiting for her answer. “Of course it does.”</p><p>“And just how much does my life mean to you?” With one arm holding her wrists and keeping her in place, he lifted the other to brush her hair away from her neck. It was then that she realized she could see his reflection in the hull of the ship. Here the metal of the Normandy was shiny and new. His eyes burned with desire. He kissed the back of her neck and she moaned breathlessly. </p><p>“Everything, James. You mean everything to me.” She nearly didn’t recognize her voice as she choked on the words. It was true. She hadn’t allowed herself to admit it until this very moment but he was everything she needed and everything she wanted. </p><p>James chuckled and spun her around. “So much for taking things slow.”</p><p>Altea gave him a half-smile. Was it just as reckless of her to let him know how she felt? There were still so many things that could go wrong. She was his CO. Regulations would come up at some point. And the fucking Reapers were banging on their door. Yet, when she imagined what things would be like when this was all over, all she wanted was to have him at her side, drinking Sangria on a beach in San Diego.</p><p>“I guess so,” she chuckled. </p><p>He lifted her chin with his knuckles and kissed her so passionately she was sure she would melt through the grates under their feet. It wasn’t what she had been expecting. He’d only kissed her once like this before and god did it make her want him. She wanted his skin on hers. She wanted to feel the strength in his arms as he lifted her off of her feet. </p><p>But the noise of someone clearing their throat, not too far away, stopped them from proceeding any further. </p><p>“Yup. Still here.” Cortez waved from his work station as the two of them turned to the sound of his voice. </p><p>James turned a delightful shade of red, muttering under his breath but Altea couldn’t hold back the gut-busting laugh that erupted from her belly. They had been so cautious for so long and here they were making out in the cargo bay of the ship and with an audience. What was wrong with them?</p><p>After Altea was able to tame her fit of laughter, she kissed James on the cheek, letting him know she needed to make the rounds and check on the rest of the crew before they landed on Palaven.</p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Priority Palaven: Menae</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Altea, James and Liara head to Menae to track down the Turain Primarch.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Palaven burned. </p><p>Altea had been staring at the monitor as the shuttle flew into Menae. She could see the grids and lines of the Turian homeworld. The ones that were standard in mapping out the terrain. But, as the shuttle moved in closer, the image shifted to real-time. The red haze on the horizon. The machines. She’d witnessed the devastation on Earth but that was up close and personal. She had no idea how much of her home planet looked like what she was seeing now. Fuck, she thought. Fuckity, fuck, fuck.</p><p>It didn’t matter that she was a space child. All humans had the right to call Earth home. Just as any Turian had the right to call Palaven home. She’d heard the numbers, read the reports but this was an all too realistic view of what both the human race and the Turian’s were facing. Her stomach lurched as her worries for Garrus’ safety tried to claw their way out of her belly. </p><p>Liara, lost in her own thoughts, finally looked up to the monitors. Altea heard her breathy, “Oh no… no... Palaven.” The Asari twisted her fingers together as she watched the devastation play out, saw the ships that now surrounded them. </p><p>James stood across from her, worry etched in the lines of his brow as he looked between the two of them. Altea could tell he wanted to wrap his arms around her and tell her everything would be alright but Liara didn’t know about them and the less the crew knew, the better. This was so new that neither of them wanted to deal with the fall out should someone not approve of their relationship. </p><p>“Garrus, please be alive.” Altea nearly whispered the words but she knew both James and Liara heard her. She leaned her head back against the hull of the shuttle gently tapping against the metal, not wanting to seem entirely crazy but needing something else to focus on.</p><p>James turned away, trying to fight the urge to sit next to her and hold her hand but seeing the monitors, he couldn’t stop the words from slipping out. “Holy hell! They’re getting decimated.” </p><p>Altea sighed. That certainly wasn’t helping the gnawing ache in her belly. She sat forward, her elbows resting on her knees, and fought the urge to cover her face. These people were depending on her, no matter that one of them was her long time friend and the other, something else. She needed to be strong for them. </p><p>Meaning to give some kind of encouragement, she opened her mouth but her fears slipped through. “The strongest military in the galaxy and the Reapers are obliterating it.”</p><p>“Was it like this on Earth,” Liara questioned as she turned in her seat, putting her back to the monitors and facing Altea.</p><p>“Yes.” “Yeah.” Altea and James said in unison, looking to each other with less than comforting smiles of affection. </p><p>As their eyes met, both looked away quickly, needing to focus on the task at hand and not each other’s writhing emotions. This was priority. Whatever came after would be theirs to share, but this was a necessary step in taking down the Reaper threat. It didn’t change the fact that Altea wanted him close. Wanted, needed the comforting assurance of his touch. Garrus would be okay. It was all she needed to hear. Her best friend would be there waiting for her to land.</p><p>Liara stood, coming between them and knelt in front of her. “Shepard, I’m so sorry.” </p><p>The concern welling in the Asari’s eyes was almost too much but she squeezed the blue hands in hers, wishing they were James’ hands. With Kaidan in the hospital, James nearly committing suicide and no word on Garrus, she couldn’t bring herself to meet them for any amount of time. Instead, she closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the shuttle wall. “Yeah,” she sighed. </p><p>It wasn’t long before Cortez announced that the landing zone was being overrun. Looking out over the battlefield that was Menae, she could see the Reapers were present, as were their minions. Husks and other creatures littered the terrain, along with quite a few Turian bodies. That, she couldn’t focus on. She couldn’t bear to see one of the bodies and recognize she’d lost another friend. </p><p>“James, open the hatch.”</p><p>He nodded and she stood, readying her weapon. If she had to fight to get the help she needed, she was more than willing to do so, and taking down the Reapers was something she’d do gladly. It wouldn’t stop the churning in her gut but it would give her a purpose, something that could take her mind off of Garrus for the time being. </p><p>When the hatch doors opened, Altea, James, and Liara took aim. Liara threw her biotics, Altea littered the field with bullets and James took out the outlying husks. It was as if they’d trained for this but in reality, they all knew each other well enough to know their roles and how best to assist each other. While James was the solid muscle, there was no question who was the real muscle and brains of their squad. No matter how big James was, he was no match for the woman beside him when it came to battle savvy. </p><p>James didn’t mind this at all. There were reasons he’d emulated the Commander. Reasons he’d respected her, hell, even worshiped her abilities. There was no finer soldier in the galaxy and he knew he was lucky to get the chance to fight alongside her. And he knew it was an honor to have her six, regardless of their relationship off the battlefield. </p><p>“Alright. Get in. Get out. Let’s move!” Altea pushed forward, cutting a line to the Turian’s base on Palaven’s moon. Each shot was expertly executed. The pow-pow-pow of her assault rifle met with the answering whomph of Liara’s biotics and James punched through each line with a blast from his shotgun.</p><p>Husks poured in around them but it wasn’t long before they’d pushed through and were gaining assistance from Turian sharpshooters in the nearby buildings. Altea stopped to ask one of the guards where the base camp was and quickly, they were moving around the makeshift barricades and into the heart of the Turian facility. </p><p>Pausing just outside the barricade, they looked up to the sky, to the real battlefield of Menae. “That Reaper is enormous,” Liara stated as she took a deep breath.</p><p>“The ones on Earth were bigger and a lot more of ‘em.” James shook his head, again angry for leaving. </p><p>“Goddess,” she breathed out. </p><p>Altea placed a consoling hand on the girl’s shoulder. It was hard to watch. And Liara wasn’t always the best in battle situations. Her emotions tended to get the best of her. It was hard for Altea to think of the one-hundred-year-old Asari as a young woman but that was the truth of it. And until Altea had come into her life, she’d never seen many battles. She preferred to be studying, researching, hiding in lost caves, and ruins. She was smart, quick, and powerful but she was still young, still somewhat untested and at times like this, it showed. </p><p>“Hold your fire. Friendlies incoming,” a Turian on one of the nearby balconies shouted and the metal gate lowered. </p><p>Within the relative safety of the camp, Altea and her squad holstered their weapons and fanned out looking for what had to be the commanding officer. Yet, every station was either empty or bustling with activity. Or, littered with the dead. So many body bags. So many piles of strewn men and women. It was the heartbreaking and devastating truth that none of them wanted to face. Yet, here before them was proof of what the Reapers could and would do. This time, James placed a hand on her shoulder as she took a deep breath. So many lives already lost and this was just the beginning.</p><p>It took them a few minutes to determine who had to be in charge. As they neared one of the stations, Altea registered that one Turian seemed to be giving orders to the others. She made her way to him climbing the ramp and waiting to hear what orders were being given. </p><p>“Tobestik, get your men up on that North barricade. Sergeant Bartus, find a way to get that comm tower operational.” Both men saluted and took off to their respective assignments. </p><p>Noting the insignia on the Turian’s uniform, Altea approached. “General.” </p><p>“Commander Shepard. Heard you were coming, but I didn’t believe it. General Corinthus.” </p><p>She nodded, giving the man respect, though not saluting, as he was Turian military, not Alliance. “I’ve come to get Primarch Fedorian.” </p><p>The Turian paused, his mandibles flexing as he looked out over the encampment before turning to her with what she could only assume was a look of disappointment. “Primarch Fedorian is dead. His shuttle was shot down an hour ago as it tried to leave this moon.”</p><p>Altea sighed. This was her one hope, the one thing she was banking on to get assistance for Earth. “That’s going to complicate things,” she muttered before asking, “How bad is it General?” </p><p>General Corinthus gave her the specs of the mission. It was bleak, to say the least. They were falling and failing quickly. Their strategy wasn’t enough to give them any kind of advantage. And the harder they fought, the more the Reapers found ways to make it harder for them. Knocking out communications systems, targeting places, and people of note. It was as if, while biding their time, they had studied and learned just where to attack. </p><p>“So what happens now?” Altea leaned against the table, not wanting to give away that these thoughts were leading her to the one thing she didn’t want to ask but needed desperately to know the answer to. Where was Garrus?</p><p>Liara began to explain the intricacies of Turian diplomacy and pointed out that there were clear lines of succession but Altea was only half listening. This was wrong. Doing this without Garrus was wrong. It felt off, him not standing beside her as she did her best to acquire the assistance of his people. </p><p>With the comm tower being inoperational, they went forward with the plan to start there. Altea and her team would clear out the husks and she’d send in Liara to do the repairs, the girl was good with tech, so she had no doubts the Asari could handle making the necessary repairs while she and James held off any husks that would find it beneficial to follow her up the ladder. </p><p>“You ready for this, James?” She was halfway serious but the lilt to her voice gave James the boost he needed to get his adrenaline amped.</p><p>“Hell yeah, Commander. Let’s tank em.” </p><p>She nodded to him and couldn’t stop the grin that spread over her face. This was what both of them were built for and they knew it. No matter how hard life may get, they were fighters to the end and they would face it head-on, together. </p><p>Altea readied her weapon and James took flank. Side-by-side or back-to-back, they were nearly unstoppable. As the bullets rained down, just knowing the other was there and fighting was enough. Husks cascaded from the sky, their booming landings giving away their position. They were fast but the pair they faced were faster. They were strong, but even as one broke rank and made it through to Altea, it was no match for the butt of her weapon. </p><p>It was then James remembered the vids he’d seen of Altea taking out a ring of husks with just her fists. He knew then that the stories weren’t exaggerated. This was Commander Shepard. She’d tossed him like a rag doll before but he wasn’t prepared to see the icon in the vids live and in action. She was incredibly strong. It was almost intimidating but not enough to make him walk away from her. And he knew about the cybernetic upgrades from Cerberus. She’d talked to him about them when she’d accidentally dented the wall. But this, this was something altogether breathtaking. </p><p>Liara called to them, saying the repairs to the tower had been made and Altea queued up General Corinthus, telling him the same. As he contacted Palaven command, the three of them would stay outside the gates to help the Turian’s battle the onslaught. </p><p>-------</p><p>“What have you got,” Altea asked as she approached the desk the General was working from.</p><p>“As your partner said, succession is usually simple. But right now, the hierarchy’s in chaos - so many dead or MIA.”</p><p>Having enough of the back and forth and quickly losing her patience, Altea made a step closer to the General. She had balls, James would give her that. The General stood at least a foot taller and had natural body armor. Not that he didn’t think Shep could take him, but… the girl had balls. </p><p>Doing everything but pointing in the General’s face, Altea spat. “I need someone - I don’t care who, as long as they can get us the Turian resources we need.”</p><p>When the General had no response, Altea looked as if she were ready to turn her biotics on him but then a voice came from the other side of the small bunker and her face shifted from angry to something almost akin to sheer joy.</p><p>“I’m on it, Shepard.”</p><p>James could see it in the set of her shoulders, the way she braced herself on the side railing. She was ready to leap into the Turian’s arms or punch him, he wasn’t sure which. But the energy that poured from her was almost as loud as a biotic charge, even though, he was sure, there was no actual sound coming from her. </p><p>“We’ll find you the Primarch.” Vakarian sauntered up to the open building, reloading his sniper rifle as he spoke. </p><p>“Garrus!” She nearly squealed but cleared her throat trying to cover it up.</p><p>The General turned to her, confused for a moment before writing it off and turning to the other Turian. “Vakarian, sir, I didn’t see you arrive.”</p><p>Altea nearly chuckled at the word sir, but somehow managed to hide her smile. </p><p>“At ease, General.” Garrus shifted nervously on his feet as he cast a look to Altea. She knew he didn’t like being in charge and it was obvious she’d missed out on something if Generals were calling him sir. </p><p>“You’re alive.” James could hear the unfinished thought, of ‘you ass’ and he smiled knowing this is what she had been waiting for, to see her friend unharmed. </p><p>“I’m hard to kill. You should know that.” If a Turian could grin, James was sure that was what he was witnessing. </p><p>“I thought you’d be on Palaven.” The stress of that statement was felt all around her. Had he been on Palaven, she was sure he would be dead. But she hadn’t known for sure. </p><p>“If we lose this moon, we lose Palaven. I’m the closest damn thing we have to an expert on Reaper forces, so I’m… advising.” </p><p>Altea did laugh then. The General crossed his arms in disapproval but she didn’t care. They were the experts because they were the only ones who’d fought one and lived to tell the tale. Her, Garrus, Liara, and Kaidan. It didn’t seem so long ago but it also felt a lifetime away, so much had happened since Sovereign, since Saren.</p><p>Reaching back, she took James by the hand and pulled him forward. “James, this is Garrus Vakarian. He’s a damn good soldier.” </p><p>James shook his hand and the group shared smiles of recognition and acquaintance. They spoke for a few minutes before returning to the mission. Palaven command had passed on the name Adrien Victus. This was a man Garrus had fought with as recently as that morning. He was an amazing soldier, tough, tactical, and military-minded. Altea couldn’t help but think that was exactly the kind of person she wanted on her side in a fight. It was going to take more soldiers to win this war than diplomats and with her and Victus at the front of it, they may even stand a chance. </p><p>As they were about to head out to find Victus, Joker’s panicked voice came over the com. “Commander, Shepard, come in,” </p><p>She cast warry glances to those around her as she responded. “Can this wait, Joker? We’re in the middle of a war zone.”</p><p>“We’ve got a situation on the Normandy, Commander. It’s like she’s possessed. Shutting down systems, powering up weapons. I can’t find the source.”</p><p>“I need the Normandy standing by, ready to bug out.” She shook her head, wondering what else could go wrong and why now? What would cause the Normandy, a ship of stellar build to act so strangely?</p><p>“Should I go back and take a look,” Liara asked.</p><p>“Do it.” She nodded before turning back to Garrus. “You said you were with Victus this morning?”</p><p>“Yeah, but we got separated. He went to bolster a flank that was breaking. Could be anywhere.”</p><p>“We’re trying to raise him, Commander.” Corinthus said from behind his desk. </p><p>“Incoming Harvester! Headed for the airfield!” James drew his weapon and turned back to them, knowing Altea would do what she could to help.</p><p>------</p><p>James’ heart fell into his gut as Altea tumbled down from the turret, it’s shield swinging wildly and dropping her into the path of a beast. They hadn’t encountered these types of Reaper forces yet, but with the one’s only moments ago looking too much like Turians, he wasn’t sure he wanted to encounter whatever this was. </p><p>But that was over. He could breathe again. He’d been shocked by her use of biotics all over again. She ripped through space, plowing into the beast with as much force as she had the AI. It didn’t take the beast out in one blow as it had the machine but he was surprised to find she’d been able to stun it long enough to duck for cover and try again. It had taken him and Garrus far too long to realize she’d lost her weapon. Then, they’d opened fire. James had wanted to use the turret she’d fallen from but he was too afraid he’d accidentally hit Altea as she charged. </p><p>They regrouped only to find that Victus still could not be reached. Altea had had enough of sitting around and waiting for someone to track her down a diplomat to bring to the summit and told the General that she’d find him herself. </p><p>Garrus had been with Victus’ squad that morning and had a good idea of where he might be. So, they headed off in the general direction of where the Turian had last seen him. They hadn’t got too far outside the gates when Altea reared back and punched Garrus in the arm. </p><p>James knew the punch had to hurt. He’d taken blows from Altea before but the big man just turned to glare at her.</p><p>“Garrus, I could kill you!” She punched him again and this time the Turian was quick enough to pull back, not taking the full force of the blow. “Why didn’t you at least let me know you were okay?” </p><p>If Turian’s had eyebrows, James could only imagine his would have risen in confusion. Instead, his mandibles flexed as he looked between the two of them. James shrugged, wanting to stay out of whatever had crawled up Altea’s butt, though he was pretty sure this was her having been so afraid before and now processing that he’d been fine the entire time. </p><p>“Aww, come on, Altea. Sure we could duel it out now, have a little fun but what about the millions of others awaiting our bullets?” He gestured to the Reaper that still took up much of their purview. </p><p>James chuckled and it was enough to bring Altea’s anger down to a simmer. She then wrapped her arms around him and buried her helmet into his chest plate. Garrus smirked, patting Altea on the back and letting her have her moment. Her best friend was alive and that was more than she’d hoped for.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry, it has taken me so long to update. Too much going on in the world to really focus on writing. Plus, I am set for oral surgery at the end of the month. I am going to start uploading when I finish a chapter for the time being. Hopefully, it won't be long before I am back on track.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Bad Dreams</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Normandy is acting all haywire. The Primarch is on board. And now, Altea must try to make a deal with the Krogan. The stress of all of it is beginning to take its toll. </p><p>*SMUT*</p><p>Chapter influenced by - Bad Dreams - Faouzia and One Call Away - Charlie Puth</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Altea had just made it onto the deck of the Normandy when lights began to flicker and the ship shook as if systems were shutting down. She turned to the Turian Primarch with a grimace. This was not the best way to welcome a new diplomat and former war hero onto her ship. She’d almost forgotten that she had sent Liara back to the Normandy after a very nervous call from Joker. Why hadn’t the issue been resolved?</p><p>“Commander, EDI just went offline,” Jeff announced in her ear. She was grateful that he thought to contact her directly as opposed to announcing the failure overhead. </p><p>“What do you mean offline?” She hissed while trying to remain as composed and diplomatic as possible, given the current situation. </p><p>“I don’t know. She’s not responding and I can’t access the AI core diagnostics. You better get down to deck three.”</p><p>Altea let out a nervous chuckle. Here she was, a soldier, trying to play the role of diplomat and now her ship was ready to go down all on its own. Wonderful. What a great first impression she was making. This ship was supposed to be a wonder of the galaxy and now it was falling apart.</p><p>“James, could you escort Primarch Victus and Garrus to the War room. Show them how to access the data coming in from Palaven and Earth.” She knew James wasn’t the most tech-savvy person on board but if James could distract the Primarch long enough, Garrus could figure out the rest. </p><p>He nodded, turning back the way they had come and Altea headed in the opposite direction. Someone yelled that she should head down to deck three, and Altea wasted no time, mashing the button for the elevator. She needed to get to the AI core and figure out what the heck was happening to EDI and why she was not responding to Jeff’s commands. Something must be seriously wrong. She trusted Jeff and it made Altea’s heart sink to think of the possibility that someone could have planted a virus or something else capable of taking out the Normandy’s AI, Altea’s friend. </p><p>She took a slow inhale-exhale as the elevator opened onto deck three. She wasn’t sure what she would find. </p><p>The med-bay doors slid open to reveal three people standing outside the AI core. Dr. Chackwas was standing back further than the other two but it seemed the doctor was just as curious about what was going on on the other side of those doors as she was. Engineer Adams and another crew member that she didn’t recognize stood before the door with masks and fire extinguishers in hand. Had there already been a fire and they’d put it out or were they anticipating a fire inside? </p><p>“Automated systems have the fire contained. It should be safe to enter.” Adams said as she approached making Altea’s chest burn with the thought. </p><p>This was EDI. This was where her processors were stored. If there was a fire in this room… She didn’t want to think about it. Just then, a whooshing sound came from the other side of the door. “Joker! What is that sound?”</p><p>“Fire extinguishers, Commander.” His voice held the same amount of concern she was feeling. They both knew this couldn’t mean anything good. “Could be an electrical fire… or… something.” </p><p>Engineer Adams scanned the door with his omni-tool and with a nod, let Altea know that it was now safe to proceed. “I’m going in.”</p><p>The room was a haze of mist and fog as the fires had been put out. Adams swept his extinguisher over the last remaining embers of the fire adding to the invisibility of the room. Altea swiped at the air in front of her face, trying to get a clear view of what they were dealing with but it wasn’t helping over much. </p><p>“EDI? Talk to me.” </p><p>Lights and generators activated, causing Altea to jump. EDI was coming back online. Her systems were rebooting. That was a good sign but still, she’d yet to hear a response from the AI. “EDI?”</p><p>A flash of orange caught Altea’s attention and again she swiped at the air in front of her face wishing it would clear out. It shifted and moved, looking like the old visor she used to wear but the only thing… Then the sound of heels clicking along a metal floor. </p><p>“Is there a particular subject you wish to discuss, Shepard?” The body of Eva Core stepped out of the smog but with EDI’s voice. </p><p>“EDI?” Altea couldn’t keep the shock in check. This was unbelievable. </p><p>“Yes.” The mech nodded, examining her own body as if seeing it for the first time. </p><p>“You’re in Dr. Eva’s body?” </p><p>She crossed her metallic arms with a smirk on her lips. “Not all of me but I have control of it. It was not a seamless transition”</p><p>Altea shook her head. “A transition? EDI, you blacked out on us there for a while.” </p><p>She nodded again, “Correct. When we brought this unit onboard, I began a background process to search for its information about the Prothean device. This eventually triggered a trap - a backup power source and CPU activated and the unit attempted physical confrontation. Fortunately, I was able to gain root access and repurpose it as I saw fit. During this process, it… struggled. Thus, the fire.”</p><p>Altea lifted her hand to her face, trying to rub away the strain she was sure was beginning to show. Kaidan nearly dying, James fighting with her, becoming a diplomat, things were just becoming too much. She didn’t need the Normandy to become non-functional. She loved her crew but damn if, at times, they weren’t hell-bent on making her life just a little bit harder. </p><p>She sighed, rubbing her fingers over her tired eyes. “EDI, you need to alert us about incidents like this. You shouldn’t have done this alone.”</p><p>“Bringing the crew up to speed would have been counterproductive. All attempts to help would have been limited by reaction time.” </p><p>Altea shook her head again. This was one of the more ridiculous things she’d seen in a while and that was saying something but if EDI wanted a body, who was she to deny her. She wasn’t happy about how things went down but as she continued talking to the AI, Altea couldn’t deny that she could hear the hint of excitement from her friend. She would be able to accompany her on missions, help when they needed tech support. And she wanted to show Jeff her new body. Altea had to wonder if that wasn’t the true motive behind her actions. Joker and EDI had developed an undeniable bond over the last few years and she could see why an unshackled AI would want to experience what it was like to hold the hand of the man she cared for. </p><p>Altea told EDI to run tests on the mech before testing it in the field and she should have known that it would take her only a few minutes but as she sashayed out of the AI core, Altea caught Dr. Chakwas expression and had to laugh. It was hearty and needed. </p><p>“Was that EDI?” </p><p>Altea nodded as she tried to contain more bursts of laughter. </p><p>“Oh, Joker is going to have a field day with that!” Karen placed her arm around Altea and they shared in another round of giggles. The good doctor would be the first to remind Altea that laughter was always the best medicine. She’d even told her on more than one occasion that she believed it was her positive outlook that kept her scars from returning. </p><p>Shepard was tempted to follow EDI up to the flight deck, just to see Joker’s reaction first hand but there was still a Primarch and Admiral Hackett to deal with. She patted Dr. Chakwas on the shoulder and excused herself letting the woman know she would return for a check-up once she’d dealt with the diplomat and her commanding officer. </p><p> </p><p>“Commander, I appreciate your need for our fleets but I can’t spare them. Not while my world is burning. But, if the pressure could be taken off of Palaven…”</p><p>Altea sighed, a gesture she was growing all too familiar with. The Turian didn’t appreciate it but she was doing her best not to lose it on everyone. “That’s a pretty tall fucking order, Primarch.”</p><p>Victus grunted, “We need the Krogan. I can’t see us winning this thing without them. Get them to help us and then we can help you.”</p><p>“The Krogan?” Altea tried not to groan. This wouldn’t go over well with the Salarians and they were already supposed to be part of the summit. </p><p>“Looks like your war summit just got a little more interesting,” Garrus laughed. He knew exactly where her thoughts had gone. This was going to be a disaster. “She’s friends with Urdnot Wrex, Primarch. That should give us somewhat of an in with the Krogan. She’s at least the best chance you’ve got at getting them to cooperate.”</p><p>The Primarch and Altea nodded to each other in understanding. Now, to deliver the news to the rest of the summit and Admiral Hackett. She already had the unsettling feeling that this wasn’t going to go well. She knew how all of the council races felt about each other and adding the Krogan to then mix was asking for the rest of them to be unhelpful. </p><p>-----------------------------</p><p>Altea sipped her drink. There wasn’t much else she felt like doing. She was battered and beaten inside and out. The Asari had pulled out of the summit. That she hadn’t seen coming. She needed their biotics. The entire galaxy did. But bringing in the Krogan had the exact effect that she thought it would, just in different ways. James, Garrus and Hackett had all agreed that having the Krogan could only be beneficial and Altea agreed. What it all boiled down to was political bullshit. </p><p>The Reapers were here. She had the largest military in the galaxy on her side, for now, and the muscle of the Krogan, if Wrex agreed. How could this not be a good thing?</p><p>Her amaretto-sour almost empty, she reached around the bar to pour some more amaretto over the ice left in the glass. Usually, she wasn’t much for sipping on alcohol alone but right now, she just wanted to sleep, to slip into oblivion. It would be a while still before they made it to the Krogan DMZ and she’d have to contact Wrex to attend the war summit even before that. </p><p>Sleep. That was what was on the rest of the docket for today.</p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>“She won’t talk to me.” Liara turned to Garrus with a sad smile. </p><p>“She’s been through a lot, Liara. Six months in lockdown only to be fed to the wolves right out of the gate. Kaidan has to be messing with her head. She loved him at one point, ya know.” Garrus spun his chair around and walked back behind the bar to fix himself another drink.</p><p>James sat in one of the cozy armchairs, looking out into the sea of stars that surrounded them. He had come here to wrap his mind around all that was happening and it seemed to be a popular thought. He’d caught Altea on her way out but she looked and sounded exhausted, so he’d kissed her cheek and let her go. Now, he sat listening to a conversation he wasn’t sure he should be a part of. He couldn’t interject. That would let them know there was more going on between them than was appropriate. But he couldn’t stop himself from overhearing what was being said.</p><p>“Yeah, she mentioned that.” Laira fidgeted with the glass in her hand. “Well, no. That wasn’t exactly it. But she said that she had so much on her mind that she was restless and not sleeping well. Nightmares. Ash, Kaidan, Saren. It’s all becoming a jumble in her brain but she hasn’t spoken to me beyond that. Even when Kaidan got hurt, she pushed me away.” Liara shot a look over her shoulder at him and he attempted to hide his face in his drink, to make it look like he hadn’t just caught something interesting in the course of this conversation. </p><p>“Liara, you worry too much. She’ll be fine.” James was sure the Turian was trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to comfort the Asari. </p><p>“You didn’t see her yesterday. I went up to talk to her about the Prothean device and she was stumbling around like a drunkard. She could barely stand up. I’m pretty sure she’s running on protein packs and medi-gel. She’s going to burn out soon if we don’t help her.” She seemed sad about the fact that Altea hadn’t wanted to continue their conversation. </p><p>James couldn’t blame Altea. He’d seen enough horrors in his life that he had problems sleeping at night but he was pretty sure the Commander had faced ten times what he had. He sat and listened to them a while longer. Liara continued to voice her concerns and the Turian continued to gently talk her down. It wasn’t like a father to a child or even a lover to their lover but one born of the mutual understanding of another person. He’d noticed moments like these more and more as Altea’s crew grew. These people had served together for quite some time and had bonded over some of the worst moments in their shared histories. </p><p>As the pair was winding down and deciding to leave, James finished off his glass of whiskey. He hadn’t wanted to interrupt them before and he didn’t want to now, so he casually walked over to rinse out his glass in the sink. One, he wanted to be there if Liara decided to mention that he was the one to take care of the Commander after Mars and two, he wanted to make sure he knew where each of them headed when they left the room. </p><p>He didn’t know why Altea had decided to keep the nightmares from him and with Liara’s concern never really abating throughout the conversation with Garrus, he felt the need to check on her and find out for himself what was going on. </p><p>Garrus and Liara said their goodbyes and made for the door. James followed closely after, keeping his eyes in the datapad he’d carried up to the lounge. He had been going over some of the Commander’s requisition reports but he’d lost interest long ago and now was only trying to be less obvious in the fact that he was following them, wanting to make sure neither of them was headed in the direction he planned to go. </p><p>Pausing outside the lounge, he hummed to himself, as if finding something on the datapad interesting. Scratching his forehead in mock confusion, he used the ruse to track both of their movements. When he was sure neither one was headed for the elevator doors, Garrus mentioning something about calibrations as Liara headed for her room, he took that as his cue to make his move.</p><p>-------------------</p><p>James hesitated outside Altea’s door. He wasn’t sure what he intended to say or do but he was upset, maybe even a little mad that she had neglected to tell him about the nightmares. Sure, they had drifted a bit after the Reapers had shown up and yeah, they were trying to hide their relationship from the rest of the crew but did that also mean she was going to hide things from him? </p><p>Should he have caught on sooner? She’d always been a little antsy, a little wound up, but he’d known her while she was confined. The circumstances surrounding what he knew of their Commander and how he’d come to that knowledge were different than everyone else’s. This did mean that he knew she bit her lip when she was deep in thought or nibbled the end of her thumb when something was bothering her. He knew the crease in her brow that meant she was itching to slap someone or something. But he didn’t know that she held back to remain strong for those who relied on her. </p><p>He was about to knock when the door to Altea’s room slid open and she stood against the wall with her arms crossed over her chest. “You going to stand out there all night or did you need something?”</p><p>Her words weren’t cold but he could see the sleep wanting to tug her eyelids closed, smell the alcohol on her. It wasn’t strong but he knew the scent anyway. Amaretto sour. She had told him once that it was her favorite and this was the second time he’d smelled it on her since they’d left Earth. That should have tipped him off, shouldn’t it?</p><p>Stepping into the room, he noticed something he hadn’t before. All along the walls surrounding her desk were small model ships. He recognized most of them and thought how fun it would be to show this collection to Cortez. He had no idea Altea had a thing for anything quite so nerdy. </p><p>“Model ships,” James asked with a smirk and then jumped as something moved near his shoulder. He turned to find a small cage with a rather intricate tunnel system that ran the length of Shepard’s cabin and ended at certain spots near the couch and Altea’s bed. “And I take it you found your hamster.” </p><p>Altea gave him a tired smile but reached into the cage to pet the little rodent on the head. It swiveled its neck, leaning into the stroke before turning back to its little hidey-hole. “He was down in the engine room. I had to chase him for fifteen minutes before I finally caught him.”</p><p>They shared a smile but it didn’t take long before Altea plopped down in her chair. “I was just going over some emails and was about to go to bed. Kaidan is doing better. He wants me to come see him. And there is an odd message here from Admiral Hackett. It’s about a Dr. Bryson. It’s pretty vague and after the last wild goose chase he sent me on, I’m not sure I want to go chasing this one down.” </p><p>James read over her shoulder for a minute. Altea didn’t seem to mind, or she was too tired to care, either way, he kept reading. It seemed the Admiral thought there was something just as effective at taking down the Reapers as the still unbuilt Prothean device. While he wanted to agree that the last time she’d gone off on a hunch of the Admiral’s, she’d landed herself a war criminal, this seemed legit. </p><p>Finally, after perusing her emails with her, he spun her chair around to face him. “Why didn’t you tell me about the nightmares?”</p><p>Altea sighed. “Liara, huh? She’s always had a bit of a big mouth. How that girl ended up a… nevermind… Just, why did she tell you?”</p><p>James chuckled a bit. Did she think the Asari would sit around and gossip with him? “Not me. Garrus. I overheard them talking in the lounge.”</p><p>“UGGGH!!!” She moaned and tried to spin her chair back around. “Garrus? Why? Now I will never hear the end of it. He’ll want to go shoot something, tell me it’s the best way to get things off my chest. Hell, knowing him, he’d even turn it into a competition.” </p><p>“Oh yeah? And who would win?”</p><p>Altea turned to face him again, “Garrus, of course.”</p><p>James knew it would be close but to outright admit defeat wasn’t like Altea. </p><p>“I’d let him,” She whispered, moving in close so he could hear her. </p><p>Her devilish smirk and the slight glint in her eye had him leaning down to close the distance to her lips. “You aren’t getting out of this, you know.”</p><p>She pressed her lips harder into his and wrapped one hand around his neck as her other stroked his cheek. She moaned softly as his tongue delved between her lips and his body answered hers, pushing her back down into the seat but as she relaxed into the kiss, his hands shifted to her shoulders and he pulled away.</p><p>“Lola,” James’ tone held a hint of warning in it that sent prickling sensations jetting through her overworked nerves. </p><p>She groaned again, then tossed her head back to rest on her chair. “Fine.” She reached up to rub at her tired eyes. “I haven’t been sleeping well.” </p><p>James took her hand and brushed soft kisses over her knuckles. </p><p>“It started when we left Earth.” </p><p>His lips found her wrist and gently his tongue traced the veins he found there.</p><p>“What are you doing,” She asked as he continued to kiss up her forearm, her bicep, until he was kneeling in front of her.</p><p>“Tell me about your nightmares.” He tucked an unruly strand of hair behind her ear, his fingers stroking over the outer rim, then gently massaging her earlobe. </p><p>The touch felt good. She needed the soft caress of his hands. She needed to feel his body on hers, the pressure of it, the comfort he brought just by being close. </p><p>“Lola.”</p><p>She opened her eyes, looking into his rich brown ones, and began again. “When we left Earth, there was a boy.” He leaned forward, his body pressing into hers as his lips found the hollow of her neck. </p><p>“He was so small. I tried to help him but he ran.” His hands were now on her thighs, massaging them as she spoke. The knots in her body loosening as he worked his fingers into them and pressed his lips to her collarbone. </p><p>“It’s not your fault, Lola. We can’t save everyone. And we especially can’t help those who don’t want our help.” He breathed the words across her neck and prickles of gooseflesh popped up over her arms and hardened her nipples. </p><p>“Ash, she died on Virmire. I had to make a choice. I saved Kaidan.” </p><p>James’ lips paused for a moment. He knew she’d sacrificed someone, left them behind but he hadn’t known it was to save the man she loved. Perhaps he should be angry about her bringing up Kaidan just now, but this was what was weighing on her mind and he intended to help her. Tucking his hands under the hem of her shirt, he lifted the tank over her head, leaving her in her sports bra and fatigues. </p><p>Looking into her hazel eyes, he could see the tears wanting to be shed. This wasn’t how he imagined their first time together but he could tell by her body’s responses to him that this was what she needed, what she wanted. With every press of his lips, every hiss of his breath along her skin, she responded. She moaned softly, her hips rocked into him, her lips parted and her tilted back. </p><p>“Kaidan. He almost died.” </p><p>James dipped his head and kissed the exposed skin of her belly. His tongue traced the lines of her abs. </p><p>“I’ve lost so much already and I am scared to lose more. I’m scared to lose you.” Her fingers slid through his mohawk, pulling him back to her for a kiss. </p><p>Her hiss was rough, unforgiving, a plea for him to never leave her side. “I’m not going anywhere, Lola.” He didn’t recognize the breathiness of his voice. It was soft and tender, yet aggressive, possessive. </p><p>Taking her hands, he pulled her to her feet and guided her down the few steps to her bed. His hands ached to touch every inch of her body, his eyes burned with the need to have her bare before him. She was his and he would claim her tonight. </p><p> </p><p>Altea undid the laces of her boots and kicked them off, James doing the same. Then she slowly began removing her clothes. She was tired, yes. But he was doing exactly what she needed. He was chasing the nightmares away. Her thoughts quickly being replaced by the touch of his skin, the stroking of this tongue, the press of his lips. As he shed the last of his clothing, he approached her and took her face in his palms, gliding his fingers over her lips before pressing his soft lips onto hers. “Altea, you are so beautiful, Dios.” He spoke the words into her eager mouth. </p><p>Her hands found the hard curve of his hips and she stroked his rich tanned skin. Her palms glided over the planes of his back, feeling every muscle in his body. He was so big and in his arms, she felt dwarfed but also, she felt safe. </p><p>Soon, he was lifting her onto the bed. All thoughts of nightmares and former lovers had left her mind. She was wholly and completely his and it brought a smile to her lips. She didn’t think she was ready to tell James she may be in love with him but this was as close as she’d ever been to being sure this person, this being was the one. </p><p>He spread her legs with his meaty one as he hovered over her, his weight on his arms. She wanted his body pressed into hers but until he was inside of her, she knew it would be impractical and counterproductive to cling to him. </p><p>“You ready,” James asked as he gripped his cock and lined it up with her pussy lips.</p><p>Altea nodded emphatically. Yes, she wanted this. Wanted him. </p><p>He entered her slowly, sliding one arm under her back to support her as she tried to ride his cock even before he was fully inside her. She didn’t care. He was inside of her and that was all that mattered. She needed him, needed this. </p><p>Finally, with one final thrust, he was fully sheathed in her heat. Altea arched into him as her cry of surprise echoed in the room. He was big. She knew this but feeling every inch of him inside of her made her feel full in every way, satisfied in every way.</p><p>James pumped into her, the movement of his hips being met by Altea’s every step of the way. He had the absent thought that she couldn’t be as bad of a dancer as everyone claimed she was if she could move her hips like that. </p><p>Then she wrapped her legs around him and he was lost in her again. He settled into her, letting his body rest on her as his cock slid in and out of her and he wrapped his arms around her even tighter. This was their anchor point. They had found what they needed in each other. </p><p>Altea basked in the needed pressure of James' body. The way he held her broke the tide of her vulnerability and she started to cry. Not sobs, but silent tears slipping down, into her hair and on her pillow. If he could chase the nightmares away so easily making her focus on him instead, she'd gladly give herself over to him time and time again. </p><p>After they had both been satisfied, James collapsed on top of her, not wanting to crush her but still wanting to be as close to her as possible. When her breathing grew heavy, he rolled to the side to find she'd fallen asleep underneath him. </p><p>Pushing her wet strands to the side, he placed a kiss on her damp temple with a promise that he would always be there for her when she needed him. He would chase the dreams away. All she had to do was ask.</p>
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<a name="section0016"><h2>16. No Chaser</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Altea needs to make some decisions. Many of them are hard to swallow but she knows she can't remain in a limbo state for long without hurting those around her. And she needs to settle some things.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Altea awoke the following day with a slight headache. It was preferable to the nausea and overwhelming sense of dread that had been her constant companion for the last few weeks. Or had it just been a few days? She wasn’t sure. The nightmares had been a constant since returning to the Normandy, and with each night spent sleepless, the symptoms of her deprivation continued to worsen. She shouldn’t have been surprised to find out that the rest of the crew was catching on. </p><p>What she was sure of was that this morning, she felt a bit happier, somewhat whole. She hadn’t expected James to come to her quarters. They were trying to be discreet after all, and him showing up in the dead of night wouldn’t help. It was EDI who had alerted her to his constant pacing outside her door. Usually, the thud of his heavy steps would be something she could have picked out herself, but she had been bone achingly tired. </p><p>Over the last few days, she’d tried to hide it, to keep the anxiety and depression at bay. But it seemed no matter what she did; the nightmares would still come. They’d always been there, waiting in the shadows of her mind, ready to pounce the moment she let her guard down. They’d started with Ash. She never did forgive herself for letting a friend die to save her lover. It was selfish, and Altea Shepard was not a selfish person. But the decision had been made the second she turned her team back to save Kaidan. </p><p>And Kaidan, she’d loved him once. She still did. But her love had changed, morphed, the day he turned his back on her. She could barely contain the anger she’d felt after he’d walked away, after his letter. Her anger had come out in tears then and even when she thought about it for months after. But Jack had been there. The biotic phenom had held her in her arms, wrapped her legs around her, and kissed her. Neither one of them was sure how they ended up tangled in her bedsheets, Altea’s fingers tracing the lines of her tattoos, but it continued to happen. Both of them needed the comfort of the other, yet they both knew their shared affection wasn’t something that would last. Altea was a staple of the Alliance military, her own brand of honor, and whole-heartedly compassionate. Jack was the opposite and didn’t want to plant her roots in Altea’s garden. She was ruthless, thuggish, and somewhat insane. </p><p>But James, James was her equal in almost every way. He loved passionately. He cared deeply. And when the gloves were off, he fought with everything he had. He was a soldier, as married to the Corps as Altea was. And he cared for her. </p><p>Last night, Altea Shepard learned what it meant to make love. James hadn’t cared that the tears had spilled down her cheeks. All he wanted was to be there for her, to give her some sense of comfort, an anchor to this world. He had taken the time to talk her down, to break through to what was actually bothering her. Even when she’d mentioned Kaidan, he hadn’t pushed her away and only hesitated for the barest moment. There was no jealousy there, no doubt, but concern. He’d held her hand as she’d made the demand that Kaidan return to her. And he knew it was because she couldn’t bear to see another of her friends die. </p><p>He was gone now, even before she woke. She hadn’t expected him to stay. That would have been too much to ask of him. But she hoped someday she’d get the chance to wake in his arms. To feel his body holding hers as the day broke. And she considered for a moment that spot on the beach, overlooking the ocean in San Diego. She’d never been there, of course, but still, she could hear the waves lapping at the shore, the gulls flying overhead. It was a far-off dream now, and the beauty of the beach, likely destroyed. But that didn’t mean… someday.</p><p>The door to her room opened, and Samantha Traynor stepped into her room. “Commander, I was hoping to catch you alone. I wanted to make sure you were settling in well and to discuss the Normandy’s retrofits.”</p><p>Altea let the girl talk. She knew the Normandy like the back of her hand already, but it was nice to focus on the girl’s excitement for a little while. And it was pretty hilarious to find out Traynor hadn’t known EDI was an AI and had spoken quite dirty to her while working out the kinks of the Normandy’s new systems. It would seem someone else had a kink they needed working out. </p><p>“And now that EDI has a new sexy body, any regrets?” Altea smirked. </p><p>Traynor blushed a deep shade of red, barely noticeable on her darker skin, and turned on her heel leaving Altea chuckling and following her into the elevator.</p><p>“Hey, now. I was just messing with you. Don’t take it as me poking fun. I’ve had very little to laugh about over the last few days.” She nudged Traynor’s arm.</p><p>“Yes, well…” she let her fingers trail over the rim of the datapad as she tried to come up with a defense. </p><p>Wanting to break the tension and now sorry for putting her on the spot, Altea chose to change the subject. “Can you let Primarch Victus know we will be making a pit stop before heading out to the summit? I have a lead on something that may help us against the Reapers, and, if I’m honest, it gives me an excuse to also check on Kaidan.”</p><p>“Of course, Commander.” Her spine straightened, and she gave Altea a salute. </p><p>It would take time before the Comm Specialist realized that Altea didn’t give a damn about formalities and that she didn’t need to salute her every time an order was delivered, but, for now, she would let Traynor be on her way. </p><p> </p><p>Altea scarfed down a plate of runny eggs, toast, and something their new cook was attempting to pass off as bacon in the mess hall. Already, she was missing James’ cooking. But this was what she was used to and what she’d have to acclimate to again. Long gone were the days of sangria and fish dinners. But it didn’t mean she wouldn’t drag James to her favorite restaurants when they boarded the Citadel or even one little spot she’d found on Illium. She wasn’t sure she’d make it back to Illium, but there was always a chance. </p><p>Tapping her earpiece, she gave Joker the go-ahead to the Citadel.</p><p>----------------</p><p>More death. It was everywhere Altea turned. She hadn’t been too keen on Kaidan being her first stop once they docked, so she had answered a message from a Salarian named Jondum Bau. A Spectre, like herself, requested her assistance in tracking down a possible Hanar terrorist. He’d mentioned an anonymous tip, but there wasn’t much more to go on, and after digging a little deeper, they’d come to find that one of the Hanar’s diplomats had been indoctrinated. The big, stupid jellyfish had sent out a virus to take out the Hanar security system worldwide. They had reached the diplomat’s office in time to stop the transmission but not before Bau took a bullet. </p><p>The Salarian was happy to see his final mission complete, but all Altea saw was blood. And it was more blood that could be placed on her hands. She could have stopped the human from fighting the Salarian Spectre, but instead, she’d stopped the transmission. It was a good thing. Letting one man die to save the lives of others, and it was the same thing she’d told herself when she’d blown up the relay that decimated the Batarians, but it still made her feel like utter shit.</p><p>She supposed, now would be as good a time as any to make the trek to Huerta. It wasn’t like her day could get any worse. She groaned at the thought, knowing full well it could but confronting an awake Kaidan didn’t seem to hold the weight it had when she stepped off the Normandy. </p><p>Stopping outside the hospital at a small gift shop, Altea spotted a bottle of Peruvian whiskey. It was one of Kaidan’s favorites, and she hoped if she offered it to him, it might make this conversation go over a little more smoothly. He couldn’t drink it now, but that was part of the point. It meant he would have to open it later if he wanted to share it with her, and it meant she hoped there would be a later. </p><p>Stepping through the hospital’s decontamination chamber, she took a deep breath as she took the few steps to Kaidan’s door. </p><p> </p><p>“I’d like an answer, Major.” Councilor Udina stood, blocking Altea’s view of the man in the bed. “The galaxy has need of exceptional soldiers like you, now more than ever.”</p><p>Altea couldn’t agree more. She’d said as much on her first visit.</p><p>“You’ll have it soon, Counselor. I promise.”</p><p>Altea could hear the strain in Kaidan’s voice. She knew whatever was going on had to be something the Major would have to give due consideration. But was now the best time for Udina to be asking anything of him? As far as Altea knew, he’d only been awake for a few days. Surely he hadn’t had time to recover enough to make big decisions about his future. </p><p>“I look forward to it.” Udina turned on his heel, nodding to Altea as he left the room.</p><p>She watched the man leave with a wary side glance. She didn’t want to intrude on him, but she also didn’t like that he dared to approach a man who’d been on the brink of death with some kind of mission or plan of action. Of course, she and the Counselor had never seen eye-to-eye on anything, so she really shouldn’t be surprised that he’d be so insensitive. </p><p>Kaidan sat up with a smile on his face when he saw her. It raised the edges of her lips to see, bruised as he still was, that he seemed to be in high spirits. She assumed it had more to do with his joy at being alive than her presence, but she’d take it over the bickering any day.</p><p>“Hey,” she said softly.</p><p>“Hey,” he repeated in the same tone. “You just missed snack time. Though, that’s probably a good thing.” He grinned again, this time letting a bit of his old self slip out as he tried to make her laugh. “Thanks for coming.”</p><p>“No problem.” Altea plopped ungracefully into the chair next to his bed. As much as she wanted this to be a good thing, the bitterness of Bau’s death still hung on her like a weighted blanket. She sighed then and remembered the bottle she’d jammed into the pocket of her fatigues. “Here, I brought you something.”</p><p>He took the proffered bottle, and Altea pulled away as soon as his fingers wrapped around it, not wanting their touch to linger. It wasn’t that she was afraid she’d catch feelings for him again, but she didn’t like to send any wrong signals. </p><p>“Wow, thanks, Shepard. That’s really great.” As he read the label, he tossed her a slight grin. It wasn’t much, but it settled Altea’s nerves. </p><p>“Just a little pick-me-up.” She sat back, folding her hands in her lap as she examined his still bare upper body. The bruises dared to look worse than before, but she knew that was a sign that he was healing. </p><p>“Maybe when I get out, we can crack it open and celebrate. I am so ready to get out of here, Shepard. You can’t tell, but I am tied to this bed by medical red tape. I mean, doc, she says I’m good to go, but she always finds just one more test to run.” He laid back down on the bed, staring at the silver ceiling.</p><p>Altea chuckled, leaning forward a bit to rest her elbows on her thighs. “How are you really?”</p><p>He sighed. “My implant got a little rattled. Doc just wants me to keep the biotics offline for a bit. It’s really no big deal.”</p><p>Altea absently reached up to the faint scar over her implant. The one Cerberus had put in rarely had any problems. She wished she knew a way for Kaidan to undergo surgery, but he’d never turn to Cerberus for anything. And the surgery was dangerous. They’d been in the process of reviving her; it only made sense to upgrade what they could. His L2 would always be an issue. The implants had been recalled, but his seemed to be the one that would always function regardless of the stress he put his body through. He’d even learned to Reave. With the L2, that was almost unheard of. But she was happy to know that if any of them were going to remain functioning, it was his. </p><p>Trying to break the tension building between them in her moment of silence, she reached for his hand. “Need me to break you out,” she whispered conspiratorially.</p><p>He chuckled, “I’ll let you know.”</p><p>Taking a deep breath, she let the words come out. “I’m glad you asked me to stop by, Kaidan. It’s good to see you’re going to be okay.”</p><p>“Thanks.” He sat with his arms crossed over his stomach, still looking up at nothing. </p><p>She shook her head. She should have known that he wouldn’t take her words sincerely. “You almost died on my watch. That was horrible for me, too. Don’t you understand that I care about what happens to you?”</p><p>It was his turn to sigh. “I care what happens to you, too, Shepard. And it means a lot to hear you say that. I just need to know that after everything that has happened, everything that we’ve been through, that we’re good.”</p><p>Altea gave him a sincere smile. That was enough. It wasn’t an apology, but she could wait for that. For now, he needed to know their friendship wasn’t completely ruined. “We’ve been through a lot together, had each other’s backs. That kind of bond is hard to break.”</p><p>“Altea, no. You were my Commander, yes. But that’s not what I meant. You’ve always been there for me. You’ve never judged me. You knew I needed that. We went through Ash’s death together.”</p><p>Altea did not want to cry. She’d just been able to work through some of this, and she didn’t like that he was bringing it up now. “Yeah… we did.”</p><p>“So, what do you say? Are we good?” </p><p>Altea met his eyes then, and she could see that he needed her to say yes. They were fine. “We’re good. It was great to have you back on the Normandy.”</p><p>“Thanks.” He turned his head away from her with a sigh, his lips dipping into a slight frown.</p><p>“What? Something else bugging you?” She cocked her head, and her forehead wrinkled in confusion. Just a moment ago, he practically begged her to say they were okay, but now that the words were out, he didn’t seem pleased. </p><p>“Yeah… maybe… look, was there something between you and Jack? I’d heard rumors, but… I don’t know.” </p><p>Altea folded her hands over her face. This was not the discussion she wanted to be having right now. “Jack, she was a fling. I was hurt. You hurt me. We took comfort in each other, but it was never my intention to hurt you. You made it pretty clear we were over.”</p><p>He nodded, “Yeah, I’ll own that. Man, seeing you alive sent me spinning… and I handled it badly. I’m sorry, Shepard. I just want you to know, for me, there isn’t anyone else. And… I still care.” </p><p>Kaidan’s hand fell on hers where it lay on the bed. She wanted to pull away, to admit her feelings for James, but she also knew that it would do him no good to dwell on that from the confines of a hospital bed. It would be just the kind of pain he’d put her through, and she wasn’t keen on making anyone suffer like that. </p><p>Instead, she gave him a tight smile. “Feel like we’ve cleared the air?”</p><p>“Yeah. You know, I’m not sure that I’ve been wrong about Cerberus, but I have been wrong about you.” There was a slight pause as they both acknowledged the truth of that statement. </p><p>“I should let you get back to the Normandy. Wish I could come with you.”</p><p>Altea smiled then, a genuine smile for the first time since she’d entered the room. “Take care of yourself, Kaidan. We need you at one-hundred percent.”</p><p>He grinned in return. “Will do.”</p><p>------------------------------------<br/>Okay, so Altea had lied. She could admit that to herself now. The real reason for returning to the Citadel wasn’t to chase down this lead on Dr. Bryce. It was to check on Kaidan. Even with all they had been through, she needed to know that he was okay. It was still painful to look at him, knowing she hadn’t protected him but seeing him returning to his old self was good. Better than she could have hoped for. </p><p>She spent the rest of the day running small errands that people had asked her to take care of. It was something easy and allowed her to keep her mind off of everything else. She and James had said it was stupid, the way the people of the Citadel acted like there wasn’t a war taking place around them. But, now, in these moments, Altea had to admit she was grateful for the reprieve. </p><p>She also wanted to keep her distance from James today. Last night had been perfect, but the fact that he’d been gone in the morning drove home that this may not be a ruse that they could maintain. It was becoming more and more evident that she never wanted to be away from him. She even knew that when they set off on missions, she’d likely choose him to join her every time. There would be discussions about favoritism, and she could recall the initial reactions of all involved when she and Kaidan went down this path. Playing favorites had boiled down to getting someone else killed to deciding to save him and sacrifice a friend. </p><p>There were things about Ash that had driven a wedge between them. Ash was a bit of a racist and never liked working with alien species. Yet, she, Liara, and Garrus got along fine. She was sure that if Ash had been given a chance to befriend them, she’d have come around. It was more about her upbringing, and people like that just needed to be exposed to reality. Ash was never given that chance, though. And it was all because she fell for Kaidan. </p><p>Altea wasn’t naive enough to believe that it was entirely for that reason that Ash was gone, but she couldn’t help but think it played a much more significant role than it should have. It also set up her fears for the future. With Jack, it was always a suicide mission. Neither one of them expected to come out of it alive. There were no real consequences to being with her, other than a few fights with Miranda. But in the end, Jack was willing to let Miranda lead without much fuss. </p><p>Now, the council loomed over her head. There were so many others to please and appease. The crew that she’d spent years bonding with was slowly coming back together, and soon, she’d be seeing Wrex. That would be a shit show for sure. Having the Turian, Krogan, and Salarian representatives on board her ship. It was a recipe for disaster. How was she supposed to balance these insane demands and give James what he needed from her? </p><p>Finally, she concluded that she and he would just have to take this relationship one step at a time and deal with whatever may come of it when it came. The end of the world wasn’t a time to contemplate the terms of their relationship. It was a time to embrace what you have and let the chips fall where they may.</p>
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